Here Comes the Sun

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“Shwoosh” the waves roared as they crashed down. Underneath the rolling waves, tiny fragments of colored shells gently danced around. At the bottom, big shells lay tranquil and motionless on the ocean floor. I picked one up and held it in my hands and stroked its smooth surface. It was a wavy shell that was a simple white and I chucked it back into the oceans where the waves swept it up. Holding most of the shells to the bottom, the sand was velvety, dark and a little rippled from the waves. The icy cold water licked at the feet of a tiny four year old in bright yellow flip-flops who was escorted by her mother. Water swayed in and out to where my feet were and I crinkled my toes in the cool sand. As the waves moved so did the shells, which began to brush against my feet and build up near the oceans rim. A small red crab washed up on the beach as well. Immediately, it scrambled back into the water away from the daunting crowd of people. Footprints of all sizes could be seen on the sand and I had to dodge out of the way of some joggers who zoomed by with headsets and a few beads of sweat collecting on their brows. 2

Suddenly, a seagull emerged into view; rising above the waves soaring, almost skimming the water as it flew with ease. It joined some other seagulls and I cringed at the sounds of shrieking and crying that were almost earsplitting as they dive bombed a family who was eating a picnic. Crowds of people were light on their feet when walking across the blistering hot sand warmed by the sun. They would mutter, “ouch” with every footstep and many sought refuge on beach towels that were vivid colors. Certain towels portrayed dolphins and seashells while others exposed cartoons and characters, like the teenage mutant ninja turtles. I grew jealous of the people basking in the sun on the blankets who had an even golden brown tan. But I pitied those who had fallen asleep in the sun by accident and weren’t as fortunate. Their skin had turned as red as a tomato and whenever they moved, even just an inch, I could see them wince in pain. Kids would squirm and fidget at the sight of sun tan lotion that their parents struggled to put on them. Sometimes, the smell of sun tan lotion was so overpowering that I had to cover my nose in an attempt to rid me of the oh-so-original “artificial banana” stench. 3

The sound of people bickering became a hum in the background as children molded castles from the sand. I would walk around awestruck by the castles that towered far above the ground and were so full of detail that royalty would find the castle suitable for living in. Shells, seaweed and sticks that layered the beach were the usual decorations placed on top of the castles. But sadly, near the ocean I would come across little mounds of sand that were the only reminiscence of castles who were built too close to the waves and had met a sad fate. 4

Further away from the ocean, sparse fauna made up the border around the beach. Besides the occasional palm tree, there wasn’t much foliage but it wasn’t bare either. Green grass that poked, scratched and cut me stood tall and thick waiting for victims to walk by. From time to time I could spy one or two trees in a clump, but not many. 5

The air, no matter the lack of plants, was the purest air in the world. It had a unique smell and feeling to it. A peaceful, warm and welcoming breeze had always brushed across my face. It was very soothing and reminded me that I was on vacation. 6

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky except some that were mere wisps. A crystal clear blue sky sat right above the ocean whose color was an aqua blue that was beautiful and clean. Placed up in the sky, the sun shined brightly and it warmed the whole beach. Rays from the sun reflected off of the water and gave it a gleaming appearance. It looked like the water had tiny diamonds in it that sparkled as the ocean moved beautiful in every way. 7

White, silky sand covered the rest of the beach. It shifted under my feet as I walked slowly across it, taking in the beauty. Before the sun began to set, I took a last glimpse at the beach. It stood in front of me calm and untroubled and a feeling of relaxation came over me. I sighed and thought, gas bill to drive to Florida: $80, hotel cost: $300 per night, vacation on the beach: priceless.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Mossface
    April 4, 2008

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    Ooooo! Very interesting! Good luck (meaning that in a nice way)

  • Autumn.Rain
    March 26, 2008

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    Oh, fabulous! The descriptions really made the words come to life!! There were a few grammar errors, but other than that you're pretty much awesome!! I think that you were a little bit inconsistent with the describing. I can see how you organized this (sort of) - sight first, then sound, then smells. I think it would be more lifelike if you could merge them all together (not mash them into one big paragraph) but mix them. So instead of having one huge paragraph of just sights, put it the smell of the ocean and the feel of the cool breeze on your face or something like that.

    Amazing job, my darling!!
    Maureen

    • moved.by.u
      March 26, 2008

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      haha. yeah that'd be better. sorry i did this for school and so my teacher wanted it to be... *shudders*... organized. haha. she said to try to do it that way. o well. maybe i'll fix it sometime. but i'm lazy... haha

      • Autumn.Rain
        March 26, 2008
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        Yeah, it's SENSIBLE to do it that way, but it just doesn't flow the way I think it could.

        Haha. I don't really edit my stories either.... I do SOMETIMES.... but not a lot.

  • IxLovexElphiex
    March 21, 2008

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    wow. fantastic descriptions! made me want to go to the beach really bad! i just got back from florida but i didnt go to the beach like i wanted to! *pout* this helped me feel better though. haha! very nice write!

  • MoonRoseWolf
    March 21, 2008

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    This was really beautiful, it really was very vivid. I love stories like this, that are so full of description you can smell the salt air, and feel the warm sun (its raining here at the moment, so it helps )

    This flowed with a nice, even, gentle pace that perfectly matched the storyline.
    Also, I agree with Tallblondie, the Visa reference at the end brought a smile to my face.

    Well done, and I hope you do well in the contest!

    ~Miranda xx

    • moved.by.u
      March 21, 2008
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      Thanx so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
      its snowed over here so its nice to read about the beach. haha. I hope i do well in the contest too. thanks again!

  • tallblondie
    March 20, 2008

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    Lovely!

    You really brought the beauty of the beach to the reader. I live near the beach (lucky me) and I found your descriptions both accurate and enchanting. Very smooth attention to smaller details like "Underneath the rolling waves, tiny fragments of colored shells gently danced around." The story was well composed and written. I liked your 'Visa' reference at the end "I sighed and thought, gas bill to drive to Florida: $80, hotel cost: $300 per night, vacation on the beach: priceless."

    Well done and good luck in the contest!

1 - 8 of 8