The Diaries of Angel Della Morte

January 10, 20051

3:00 pm2

Since people don't seem to listen to me when I talk I've decided to write everything down. My therapist said it's good therapy to write what your feeling down on paper but then agian so is squeezing a rubber ball. Friedrich Nietsch once "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger." And boy Ive had alot of things happen to me that should have killed me but didn't. Your thinking I must be pretty strong by now huh. Well I'm not. I'm probably the weakest person you'll ever meet. You would think that someone who's been teased, ridiculed and manipulated all her life would have some kind of strength but i don't. My thoughts and feelings are easily read, my heart is easily broken and i am easily manipulated. I guess it started when i was little. The earliest memory i have is of feeling weak and manipulated. I was five years old. I have a cousin named Luke and he was pretty mest up back then. He did things to me and my sisters. Me worst of all. But what he did shall not be said. It' shall never be mentioned. Ever. My mom trys to get me to talk about it she say's it's unhealthy for me to keep it on. But i can't tell her about it because most of it is blocked out. My mind went into overdrive trying to handle everything and it decided to just forget it. But I’m the only one who even knows a little about what happened. That’s about the time that I was institutionalized. I was six years old and I tried to kill myself. My death of choice was jumping off buildings. That didn’t work out so I turned to cutting myself. That’s when I went into the institution. I was there for three months as an in-patient and 2 months as and out-patient and saw my family about once a week.  It sucked pretty bad. What made it worse was there was some kid who lived in the room across from me who had the word habit of running across to my room knocking on the door running back to his room waiting until I came to my door whipping out his dick and saying suck it suck it. It freaked me out so much that I decided I was gunna cut it off. I was close but I didn’t succeed. Well I have to go do homework. And embarrass my sisters again.3