Her man

She sat in that cheap school chair. The kind with the ugly scratchy blue fabric, and the soft , light wood. There were noises everywhere, but she couldn't hear them. There were the office telephones ringing. Shoes were shuffling down the office hallways. The thick wooden doors were being slammed by angered students and annoyed school staff. She blocked out every noise but her heart beating intensely. The silence cloaked the room as she waited, impatiently. She felt that the next words spoken to her, would be bad news. They would play over and over in her mind. The words would be a horrific haunting chant. Her body became stiff as the guidance counselor walked in the room. She sat in her high priced leather office chair. It made a “whoosh” as she sat down. She arranged things on her desk, trying to prolong the news she had to give. After arranging pencils and papers she finally looked up. Her face showed no emotion, but her eyes showed pain and sadness. She sat another moment, and then spoke, 1

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but your father passed away this morning.” 2

She wanted to scream. Her heart wanted to burst. She wanted freedom of the racing thoughts speeding round and round in her brain. Tears started flowing from her deep green eyes. Mascara smeared as the tears kept going and going. She poured out her soul. Her lungs tightened up, she felt like she was out of oxygen. She felt like she couldn't breathe, and she started to hyperventilate. Her heart was pumping uncontrollably. She tried screaming out,3

“ Your lying!...you don’t know what your talking about!”4

Her aunt rushed in, and reached out for a hug. She pushed her away. Her brain wanted to explode. She wished her heart had just stopped beating. She wanted to grab everything on her counselor's desk, and throw it. She wanted to take the organized papers and sprawl them on the floor. She wanted to take every book and throw it against the wall. She wanted to get OUT. She started hitting the solid wood arm rests of the chair. Her palms began to turn red as she hit harder and harder. She was soaking her shirt with her pain. She had no where to turn, and nothing to say. All her thoughts were squished in her mind. She wanted to go home, to her bed; the comfort zone. 5

In the corner, her aunt had tears on her pale cheeks. The guidance counselor wiped her drippy nose and leaking eyes. Tears just never stopped coming. She cried and cried in that office. The only noise she heard, was her own sorrow.6

To this day, the facts are unnecessary. How did he die? Where? When? We just need to know he is gone. She has one less family member. When she walks down the aisle, her father won’t be by her side. He won’t be there by her side, in a time of need. 7

The pain and emptiness still lurks. It hangs over her shoulders every day. Maybe, eventually, down the road, there will be less heartache. Maybe one day, she could forget the agony for a moment. But until then, she still feels the unending misery of missing that man; her father.