Only a dream

As I awoke that evening I was torn from a magical place; a wonderous dream. To look around after such a dream would be disappointing, but as my ears felt the wind rushing passed them, I could not help myself except to look around. It was then that I realized I wasn't outside, but I was in bed. Apart from the lack of sensation in my legs, I had to swear that that wonderous dream must have turned into a nightmare; for I wished I was still sleeping.1

I didn't believe I was awake, but as with any reality there was an explanation and mine was sitting next to me in a familiar body, whose name I did not know. About to scream in agony, from a strange stabbing pain in my back, for some reason I held the scream back and instead looked around at my surroundings; even though I was sure there wouldn't be any because I was certain I was still sleeping.2

To my horror, as I looked around my face caught sight of a mirror. If this was a dream it was no longer funny or a nightmare, it had turned into my worst fear.3

Suddenly my age caught up with my mind I screamed for my mother in a bloody murder tone, I screamed for her until I couldn't scream no more, but she never came. It wasn't until I looked through the window, that I began to relax again. I succumbed to the sleep monster hoping to return to that dream, that wonderous dream from which I had awoken into this horrible shadow of my worst fear come true.4

I returned to that wonderous dream, to that heavenly sound of a trickling stream that split from a river ad cut through the trees and bushes in the quiet, untouched forest, where only the wind sang.5

All was quiet in the dream until suddenly the trees started to fall down. No! NO! NOOOOOO!!! I shouted, then I opened my eyes astonished at what had happened to the untouched forest only to realize that my worst fear wasn't a dream, but it was my reality.6

"Hey there kiddo I'm glad you decided to finally join us, but I regret to have to be the one to tell you this, but your mom is taking a long nap and is never going to wake up. We are all happy that her passing wasn't put at a loss and that she managed to save you. Do you know someone we can call to take care of you?"7

I didn't answer the doctor, but instead I drifted off into a slumber and returned to that Forest, but this time instead of the trees falling down, I saw my mother walking along that stream.8

Peaceful and happy, I let her go.

Author notes

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a145/anjelicalifestyle/Natural%20Sounds/mountainstream1.jpg

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Vampiric souls
    May 16
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    this is a really powerful image you have created here. I really like it, thanks for entering


  • Miss Belligerence
    April 14

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    wow, are you really ten? because that's some intense story for a ten year old. great job, this really drew me in, caught my attention and kept me reading. I loved the ending too, it summed it up spectacularly well.
    thanks for entering my contest
    -gibson


  • tallblondie Greeters member
    March 25

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    Some quick grammer/punctuation errors first;

    (1) "I[t] was then that I realized I wasn't outside, but I was in bed[.] [A]part from the lack of sensation in my legs, I had to swear that that w[o]nderous dream must have turned into a nightmare; for I wished I was still sleeping."
    If you split this into two sentences using the changes in the [], it is a little easier to understand, and sustains a good flow.
    (2) 'familiar' not 'familliar'
    "About to scream in agony from [a] strange stabbing pain in my back, for some reason I held [the] scream back and instead looked around at my surroundings. I was sure there wouldn't be any because I was [certain] I was still sleeping."
    Again the sentence is too long, try making these suggeted changes. In the second sentence try not to use the same word twice ('sure') - I have inserted 'certain' which is an acceptable alternative.
    (3) "To my horror, as I looked around my face caught sight of a mirror[.] [I]f this was a dream - it was no longer funny or a nightmare - it had turned into my worst fear." I used the hyphens to create emphasis.
    (4) 'wonderous' not 'wanderous'. You may wish to substitute 'monster' with something less 'scary' - if he feels safe in his dreams, he is not likely to view falling asleep as being stolen away by a monster.
    (5) 'forest' not 'forrest'
    (6) "...untouched forest[,] only to..."

    Apart from this, your story was a fabulous effort from someone who is only 10.

    Very good descriptions of how he felt, first awaking from his dream refuge, and later returning to it to escape. You had a good grasp of the terror one would experience once they realised that they had lost a parent and been injured themselves.

    Keep up the fantastic writing!


  • Willy nilly
    March 24
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    <

    i'm finished with the story.

1 - 5 of 5