The Warrior of CoveClan

A ginger cat with white paws and chest sneaked through the undergrowth. He could smell mouse, and close. He sighted his prey and in an instant, killed it with a swift bite to the neck.
" Great job, Oceanpaw!" The cat's mentor, Brinesplash, purred.
" Thank you, Brinesplash." Oceanpaw meowed. He picked up his kill and padded back to camp. When he arrived, his friends, Shimmerpaw and Pantherpaw, were waiting for him.
" Hey, Oceanpaw!" Pantherpaw exclaimed, " Did you here? Eaglepaw becomes a warrior today!"
" No way!" He said, rushing over.
" It's true!" Shimmerpaw mewed, her spotted tail flicking. Oceanpaw purred with delight. Eaglepaw deserved this. He had waited long enough for his leg to heal properly.
A yowl sounded at the entrance to the camp. " Eaglepaw!"
" What's happened?" Shimmerpaw mewed, huddling close to Oceanpaw. He gave her a swift lick and, used to being the leader of the apprentice's, gave orders.
" Shimmerpaw, go fetch Fallstar and Heathereyes. Pantherpaw, come with me. We have to see whats going on."
Shimmerpaw and Pantherpaw did as they were told. When they came to the entrance, Oceanpaw spotted a mound of gray fur, lying, bleeding and dusty, on the ground.
" It's Eaglepaw!" Pantherpaw gasped. Oceanpaw looked at the cats crowding around, the one who called out being his mother, Lynxfang, the others, Dustypelt, Ferretjaw, Cloverswipe, Budpaw, Snowpaw Vultureflight, and Kestrelstalk.
Oceanpaw looked up at the dimming sun. " StarClan, why have you let this happen?" He murmured.

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Comments

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    March 18, 2008

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    Aha gee, I want to know what happen to Eaglepaw!

    Terrific story, I like the way you let the characters carry the activity.

    The flow of the plot is smooth and the reader can easily follow the action.

    It will need some editing for minor things.

    I look forward to reading more of this story.

    Welcome to SW, you should find a niche here easily; we have a number of animal friends here especially cats


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    March 17, 2008

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    A couple of lines were confusing. But you kept to the theme of the Warriors books.
    Great job on the description. Keep penning and Welcome to SW
    Brooke
    Co-head Greeter