The Case of the Lost Cross

The rain was really coming down. I should've gone home hours ago but I hated the thought of going out in that kind of weather. Getting soaked would've been bad enough, but the lightning was was lighting up the sky like fireworks on the Fourth of July. They say even in a storm like that, a guy's chance of getting hit by lightning is actually very small, but I don't like to take chances if I don't have to. I'm Jehosephat Baley, a private detective. That's the kind of job where a guy who takes unnecessary chances doesn't last too long.1

I heard the dame coming all the way from the elevator. She was wearing some of those dumb flip flops. I could tell by the wet, slapping noise they made on the floor. It's a good thing she wasn't trying to sneak up on anybody. When the noise stopped, I knew she was standing right outside, so I called out before she could knock. 2

"Come in. The door ain't locked."3

I turned away from the window to watch as she came in and was glad I did. She was a long-legged blonde and even hidden under the trenchcoat she was wearing, I could tell she had a body worth looking at.4

"Uh, how'd ya know I was out there?"5

"It's my job to know what's going on, babe."6

"Then ya must be Mr. Baley."7

"I am, but you can call me Jehosephat."8

"Jehosephat? Gee, that's a funny name. I never heard anybody called that."9

"My mom named me after an old king of Judah. He's in the Bible. You should read it some time. It's a good book."10

"I've read it. Well, parts of it. But not the part about anybody called Jehosephat."11

"You know my name, babe. So what's yours?"12

"It's Ditzi Coney. Do ya mind if I hang up my coat. It's all wet."13

I'll admit Jehosephat's a little unusual, but if you ask me, somebody called Ditzi shouldn't be making remarks about anybody's name.14

"Sure, babe, the rack's next to the door."15

I waited for Ditzi to take off her coat and hang it up. Without the coat, the view was even better. She was wearing a black swimsuit with a puffy white tail, very sheer tights, white cuffs and a white collar with a black bowtie. Her suit was strapless, but she had plenty to hold it up. The only thing that looked out of place were those ridiculous flip flops.16

She must've noticed I was staring at her, because her eyes opened wider and her mouth turned into a little circle that she covered with her finger tips.17

"Oh my, I shouldn't let ya see me this way." 18

She quickly reached into the pocket of her coat, pulled out a pair of rabbit ears and slipped them on her head. 19

"That's better. I took them off when I left the club because I didn't want to get them all wet."20

A good detective's got to have a sense of when things ain't right. This dame seemed a little bit too flakey. That's when I noticed the calendar on my desk and remembered it was April 1st, April Fool's Day. Somebody must've been setting me up for a prank, probably O'Hara and the boys at the station. I decided to play along. If I kept my wits about me, I might be able to turn the joke around on them. Besides, I wasn't the kind of guy who turned away a good-looking gal.21

"Okay, Miss Coney, what'd you come to see me for?"22

"I want ya to find a pendant for me. I think somebody's stole it."23

"What's this pendant look like, babe?"24

"Let's see, it's made of silver. It's got one bar thing going up and down, another going across with a circle behind them. And there are curly lines all over it."25

"Sounds like a Celtic cross."26

"Yeah, that's what Melvin called it. We went to see them once."27

"Huh? To see who?"28

"The Celtics. Melvin took me down to Chicago to watch them play the Bulls."29

I could see I was going to have a hard time keeping this gal on track. 30

"Who's this Melvin you keep talking about?"31

"He's my boyfriend. He gave me the pendant. That's why I've got to get it back."32

"I understand. Lot's of sentimental value."33

"Yeah, and Melvin'll get mad if he sees I don't have it."34

"Have you known Melvin very long?"35

"Well, he's been coming into the club for months, but we've only been going together about three weeks. He just moved in with me this week. He says it's hard for him to afford his own place with his job."36

"Really? What's this guy do?"37

"He's a clown." Ditzi put her hand over her mouth and hesitated. "I probably shouldn't tell ya this, but he ain't a real clown. He has to put on makeup to look like one. But, that's really a good thing, because if he was a real clown, they'd make live at the circus and then he'd be gone most of the time. This way he can stay with me and just do birthday parties and stuff."38

I was almost ready to tell O'Hara or whoever was behind this to come out and yell, "April Fool", but I had to see how far the dame could carry this dumb bunny act. 39

"You said Melvin will get mad if you don't have the cross. Does he get angry a lot?"40

"Oh yeah, that's why he beats me all the time."41

"You shouldn't let him beat you, babe. You ought to call the police."42

"Gee, I didn't think they'd care about stuff like that, but I'll do it if ya think I should. Let's see, last night he beat me at checkers and the night before he beat me at backgammon and..."43

"Wait, you're talking about him beating you at games?"44

"Yeah. The worse thing is I'm really very good at games. I was on the chess team in high school and everything. But I got to let Melvin win because he gets so mad when he loses. He hits me if I don't let him beat me."45

The dame was starting to make by head spin. Just then there was a particularly loud crack of thunder and all the lights went out. The next thing I know, Ditzi's clinging to me as tight as she can. From the way she was trembling, I knew this wasn't part of the act. The gal was really scared.46

"What's wrong, babe? The storm knocked out the power, but they should have the juice back on pretty soon."47

There didn't seem to be a light on in the whole city. We could only see when the lightning flashed, but I'll never forget the way she looked at me then, like I was the only thing keeping her from falling into some horrible, bottomless pit.48

"Gee, Jehosephat, I'm sorry, but I'm so afraid of the dark."49

"Don't worry about it. Now tell me the truth, babe. Is this business about the cross and the clown for real or are you just playing some gag on me?"50

"Sure, it's true. Why would I lie to ya?"51

I didn't know if I should believe her, but I knew I really wanted to.52

"Well, it is April Fool's Day, so I had to be sure this wasn't a joke. As soon as the lights come on, I'll take you to someone I think might have your pendant."53

They say if anything's stolen in this city, a guy can probably can buy it back at Rook's Pawn Shop. Now Rook ain't a crook himself. Buy or selling, he always gives a guy a fair deal. He just makes a point of never asking folks where they get the stuff they bring in.54

Rook was sitting on a stool behind the counter when we came in, watching some game on TV and munching on pretzels.55

"Can you hold on a minute? This is the last play here."56

"Sure, if doesn't take too long."57

From the way Rook's arms shot up in the air, he must've been very happy with how the play turned out.58

"Yeee! That'll be five hundred King owes me now."59

Rook clicked off the TV and spun around on this stool.60

"So what's up, Jehosephat? You looking for a present for the little lady?"61

"I'm looking for something that already belongs to her, a Celtic cross pendant. You wouldn't happen to have one, would you?"62

"Hey, are you inferring I sell stolen goods? I'm a reputable businessman."63

"You're supposed to yell 'April Fool' when you make up something like that. But seriously, Rook, do you have a pendant like that?"64

"Sorry, no Celtic crosses. I got a lot of other kinds of pendants. Maybe you'd like one of those."65

Ditzi shook her head.66

"No, I got to get the one Melvin gave me. It belonged to his mother, but she's gone now."67

That wiped the smile off of Rook's face.68

"I'm sorry to hear that, miss. Did she die recently?"69

"Oh, she's not dead. She went to Florida for the winter. Melvin's got a key to her house so he can keep an eye on it for her."70

I finally understood how a guy who couldn't afford to pay the rent could give his gal a silver pendant.71

"Say, babe, are you sure somebody filched the cross from you? Maybe you just misplaced it."72

"Maybe. I know it wasn't in my locker when my shift ended at the club. That's when I came to see ya about it."73

"Then we ought to head back to the club and check out your locker. Rook, let me know if any Celtic crosses show up."74

"You can count on me, Jehosephat."75

The security guys at the club weren't too fond of letting me into the locker room. It took a bit of persuasion, but eventually I convinced them I was a detective and I needed to get in there to work on a case. I will admit I was a little disappointed they cleared out all the girls before they let me in.76

Ditzi opened her locker, then we took everything out and searched through it. The pendant wasn't there and there weren't any cracks or holes it could've fallen into.77

"You're certain you put the pendant in the locker when you got here?"78

"I must've. They don't let us wear anything that ain't part of the uniform while we're working."79

"But do you remember actually taking it off when you got here?"80

"Gee, I don't really remember it. I mean getting undressed is something I do so much I don't think about it even when I'm doing it."81

At that moment, I was finding it very difficult to not think about her getting undressed. I had to keep my mind focused on the case.82

"So, maybe you lost it on the way here, babe. We ought to trace your way back home and see if we can find it."83

It was still raining, but that didn't bother us anymore. We were so soaked we couldn't get any wetter. I was starting to think those stupid flip flops Ditzi wore weren't really that stupid. I'd be lucky if my shoes weren't completely ruined, but all this water wasn't going to hurt those things one bit.84

The rain might not be a problem, but the darkness was, at least for Ditzi. As soon as we got out of the light of one streetlamp, that gal would hurry ahead and wait for me under the next one. We went that like that all the way back to her place, then up two flights to her apartment. We hadn't seen her pendant anywhere.85

Melvin was sprawled out on the couch watching TV, with nothing on but a grimmy undershirt and a pair of boxers. I always felt a guy who sat around in his underwear like that lacked class, even if he wasn't expecting company. To make it worse, he still had his clown makeup and wig on. The big grin painted on his face made that dreary scene seem even worse.86

When he saw us come in, he hopped off the couch and snarled.87

"Look who's here at last! You want me to starve? And who's the jerk?"88

"Sorry, Melvin. I, uh ..."89

"I'm Jehosephat Baley. I'm a detective investigating a robbery at the club where Miss Coney works."90

"The doll robbed somebody?"91

"No, she's not a suspect. She was just supplying some information that might help me solve the case."92

"She's done talking. Get out."93

Ditzi looked me with a weak smile.94

"It'll be alright. Melvin, why don't ya set up the parchisi board. I'll make us something to eat, then we'll play a nice game after supper."95

I felt bad about leaving the dame with that creep, but what could I do? It really wasn't my business if she chose to let a guy like that live with her. That's when the lightning knocked out the power again. It made me wonder if Ditzi was clinging to the clown the way she had clung to me in the office.96

It was slow trip back with all the lights off. I had to wait for a flash of lightning to see where I was going. It was during a particularly bright flash that I noticed something shiny lying near some bushes.97

It was a pendant, a silver, Celtic cross. I'll admit I was perplexed. We had come this way before. How could've we missed it then? Lightning lit up the sky again and suddenly the answer was obvious. Ditzi had been keeping close to the streetlamps and I had been following her. But it had been light out when she went to work, so she had taken a shortcut past these bushes, like I was doing now.98

I hurried back to Ditzi's apartment as fast as I could in the darkness. As soon as I got there, I knew something was wrong. Her door was open, but I couldn't hear anyone inside. I knocked and called her name, but nobody answered, so I quietly went inside.99

If I had any lingering thoughts that this whole thing was some elaborate April Fool joke, they disappeared when I saw what was in the apartment. Ditzi was lying on the floor, dead. The clown must've found out she'd lost the pendant, because he'd taken a knife and carved a picture of it on her chest.100

I called O'Hara, told him everything I knew and let the police take over from there. I wasn't about to go chasing after some killer clown. I'd done my job. I'd found the missing cross. It wasn't my responsibility to look out for every dame in the city who was too dumb to watch out for herself.101

It was late when I got home, but I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about Ditzi. I shouldn't have let her stay with the clown. I should've gotten her out of there, even if I had to drag her out kicking and screaming to do it. But it was too late to do anything.102

That's when I heard the noise. It was downstairs, a slapping noise. I could hear it getting closer, climbing up the stairs, walking down the hall, coming into my bedroom. I knew who it was. I knew the sound of those flip flops.103

"Ditzi?"104

"Jehosephat, I'm scared."105

I didn't want to turn on the light. In the dark, I could believe it had really been a joke, the blood had really been just clown makeup. I didn't want to see the truth, but I knew how afraid Ditzi was of the dark. So, I turned on the light.106

I'm sure you've seen those trick photos of ghosts. A guy takes a picture of somebody, then does a double exposure of the same place after they leave and ends up with a picture of a transparent person. The real thing ain't like that, the pictures don't merge. There were two images in my brain. In one, Ditzi was standing in my room, in the other, she wasn't there. Somehow, I saw it both ways at the same time.107

"How'd you find me, babe?"108

"I didn't know were else to go."109

It was an odd answer to that question, but in a strange way, it made sense.110

"I wish I had brought you here sooner, instead of leaving you with that crazy clown."111

"Melvin. Where's Melvin?"112

"I don't know, but I hope he gets what he deserves for what he did to you."113

"What do ya mean? What'd he do?"114

"The creep killed you! Don't you remember?"115

"Don't say that, Jehosephat. It's not funny."116

The poor dame didn't even know she was dead. It was tempting to let her keep believing she was still alive, but it didn't seem fair to her. Putting it off would only make it more painful when she did find out the truth.117

"Come on, babe. There's something you've got to see."118

We were in luck at the morgue. Marlowe was on duty. The nice thing about Marlowe was I could slip him a few bucks and he'd let me see any stiff I wanted.119

"So, Jehosephat, you want to see the Coney girl. You trying to figure out who did her in?"120

"I already know that, Marlowe. Now I need to convince her it happened."121

"I see. That's the trouble with violent deaths. Folks don't get a chance to go through all the stages first."122

It didn't seem to bother Marlowe that Ditzi was a ghost, but a guy with his job must see a lot of them.123

"Could we see the body, Marlowe?"124

"Sure. I was just saying folks who die a slow, lingering death get to work through denial and everything while they're still alive, so when they do die, they're all set to go."125

I could tell just being here was making Ditzi uncomfortable.126

"This is gag, ain't it, Jehosephat? I bet Melvin's in there. I bet he's going to jump out and yell, 'April Fool!' He must've planned this whole thing. That's what clowns do. Play gags on people."127

"Sorry, babe, April Fool's Day's over."128

Marlowe opened the drawer. Ditzi saw her corpse and then she was clinging to me again, sobbing.129

I had always figured if a guy could feel a ghost at all, it'd be like an icy mist, but it wasn't that way at all. All I can say is she felt transparent. I could feel her against me, as warm and soft as when she was alive, but at the same time I felt nothing there but the empty air.130

When a dame's crying, the best thing to do is let her keep crying until she's ready to talk. If a guy tries to say anything too soon, it only makes her feel worse. So I just held her and let her cry as long as she wanted to. Finally, her sobs faded away.131

"Jehosephat, I am dead."132

"I didn't want to hurt you any more, babe, but I couldn't lie to you."133

"It's alright. I needed to know. Ya did the right thing."134

She let go of me and bent over her corpse, looking at it more closely.135

"That's not me anymore. It's just a body, not my body. That's okay, but something's missing."136

I remembered her pendant. It was still in my pocket, so I pulled it out and showed it to her.137

"I found it, babe. I know it's too late, but I found it."138

Ditzi shook her head.139

"Not that. I don't need that any more. The ears. They're part of the uniform."140

"Marlowe, did the police bring any effects along with the body?"141

"A few things. I got them stored over there."142

We found the rabbit ears. I put them on Ditzi's corpse and she gave me a sad smile as Marlowe closed the drawer. Then she looked very worried.143

"I remember now. Melvin said he was going the club to look for another girl. We've got to go there, Jehosephat. Ya've got to stop him before he hurts someone else."144

It's strange the things a guy'll do for a gal. Like I said, I don't like to take changes if I don't have to, but there I was at Ditzi's club, looking for a killer clown. It didn't take me long to find him. He was wearing a bright yellow, polyester leisure suit now, but he still had his clown face on.145

When Melvin saw us coming, he started shouting.146

"She's lying! I didn't do it!"147

"Are you feeling guilty, buddy? No one's accused you of anything, yet."148

I figured the clown would go for his knife, or maybe a gun. I was ready for that. So what he did do caught me by surprize. He just swung wild and punched me in the face.149

As soon as they saw him hit me, all of the hostesses in the club swarmed over the clown and pinned him to the floor. There ain't no justice in this world. That creep got to be covered with all those beautiful babes and all I got was a black eye.150

Well, the truth is justice does work sometimes. Melvin was convicted of murder and he's locked away in prison for the rest of his life. I don't know if they let him wear his clown makeup there.151

As for Ditzi, she's hanging out at my place until she figures out how to go into the light, cross over to the other side, or whatever it is ghosts are supposed to do. I ain't in no hurry to see her go. She might be a ghost now, but she's still one swell-looking dame. Besides, she really does play a heck of a good game of chess.