My mind is blank,
Always letting me forget something,
or even erase my thoughts and dreams.1
My soul is gone.
Never having to breathe,
or feel a touch of love.2
My heart is broken.
I feel nothing from my loved ones,
never in my life cared of the thoughts of how they felt
or what they needed.3
I have nothing.
Author notes
This is my first poem and I don't think it ish very good. Please tell me all of the mistakes in this. I want to get it right!
- The Wary and Renae Show group list • next in list
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A contest entry
- 1,000 Points for poetry!!! by Shadowed Phoenix.
1000 points, ended March 26, 2008, 58 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think about this? Tell me your Opinion please.
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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That was pretty good. Great poem. I know I feel this way constantly.. and it is really depressing for me!
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i tend to feel that way to but great story
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hmm...datz how i feel sumtimes lolz
luv,sky xoxo
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AMAZING! This so does not suck!! You are too hard on yourself. The flow and scheme both worked awesomely. I am amazed this is your first and I hope to read more. It did not seem forced at all. You did a great job. I liked the title and the layout. The idea behind it is so deep and vivid as you read the short, simple, sweet, poem. I really liked it. Keep up the AMAZING work!
Chee
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Well, thanks. I still think it sucks though. I appreciate this comment.
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:)
this does not suck!
i like it ty r u sayin i like suckish things? XD
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Thank ya, Bree Bree.
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It didn't suck at all. It's very good for your first poem! Great job and keep writing!
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Thanks.
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aww.
you say this sucks, but it wasn't that bad at all. I think it was actually.... really cute, although it was really sada s well ^_^ Good job
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it doesn't suck
in fact its really good, especially being your first poem! keep it up, you have talent! -
I really like this peace, I feel like that a lot.
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Sad and Good
Hey! I can only hope that this poem is not really about you, 'cause it's verry sad. However, it is good though. Well, it definitely is for a first poem. Just keep on writing I would say. I can't really give you something to improve, because I'm not verry good myself I just wanted to let you know I thought it was pretty good...
Love Reeven -
I think that this is pretty good. We all have to start somewhere.
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its a lovely poem daughter
and you can write poems don't doubt yourself on your ablities because you're awesome
! very nice poem!
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Its not bad, better then when I started out, and I was about your age. Its a little simple, and there's not a flow, or pattern to it. Its clear, and emotional, but you should work on your rhyme. When you write say what your writing aloud, and listen to how it sounds as you say it. You have talent, you just need to develope it.
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I think you did fine. The flow is a little off but it has deep feeling to it. Don't give up.
Keep penning
Brooke
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Meh, I guess there doesn't seem to be a real syllable pattern anywhere.... but the meaning behind the poem is great and you really got across the desired emotion. I've felt that way before too
It really isn't that bad ^^
Eph -
Ok, well first off, like everyone else, I have to tell you that you do not suck at poetry. I write mostly poetry myslef and I think that the sentiment behind this is very deep. I used to be a member of a creative writing club and the first rule of the club was your not allowed to critisize your own work. I think this is sound advice (although I dont always stick to it myself, lol).
So what did I like about this poem. Well to start with I like how the irregular line lenghs portay the sense of emptyness of this poem. It makes it feel sort of disjointed (in a good way) and I think that gets across the feeling of the poem that the person has nothing. I also think that the language you used was very effective at getting across the emotion of the piece. It is also a good length. Some poems go on and on but this one was concise yet heartfelt. Well done my lovely and dont put yourself down so much. I really enjoyed reading this.
X Amber X
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Thank you.
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VERY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved this poem, and considering i normaly hate poems, you did VERY well. Keep it up
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Thanks William
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In all honesty, I am a story writer myself, but I read poetry from time to time, and I don't think this is bad at all... Although the messege is depressing, it expresses your thought and feelings.
Good job and keep writing!
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Thanks! I will.
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Lovely, heart filled poem Renae It does NOT Suck at all, I loved it!! There are no mistakes what so ever. Keep writing poetry, you are good at it
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get it right? you already have it right!
i think it is amazing! and i can really feel the emotion in the poem, the helplessness of feeling useless, like nothing.
i can really relate to this poem!
great job
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pfft it doesnt suck i love it
keep it up.
-Becca<3
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Yeah, how dare you say it sucks??? I loved it!!!!! !!!!
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:P
AWESOME!
This is PERFECT for your first poem.
How dare you say it sucks!
Girl! You don't know your own potential!
Btw: Do you like my new image thingy? -
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Thank you, Oasis. I appreciate your comment. I'm thinking of writing a love poem about you...and Shadow...
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