Satan's Little Angel

spring,summer and fall ; As quickly as they came,They went.  I was cold again. My hands were Stiff;only they weren't my hands,they were withered, They belonged to an elderly. I gathered myself together and went blank.I knew it would start again.1

One of Bach's Sonatas was playing somewhere in the other room. Probably Jamie's, I thought.I looked around, bored, apprehensive, I couldn't breath. I was stuck inside of prison, A home for teens without a home.2

Blank faces,Runaways,Drunks, and there were those like  me; Psychopathic. I needed to get out..leave..go..Somewhere..Nowhere.3

Trisha, my roommate,was sitting up in her bed, still as she was last night. her head turned towards the molded window. staring at whatever she could see. "I'm out." I breathed.The room smelled of mold,cigarettes and Bodily fluids. I grabbed my sweater and looked back at her, her eyes were cryptic, she didn't say anything,didn't even blink. I wonder if she got any sleep. I doubt it, Too much pain to sleep.4

I was out into the cold. I wasn't supposed to be out, but something forced me to go. I lit a cigarette and squinched my eyes. i let out the smoke and watched it mix with my icy breath. i bit the bottom of my lip as i tried to hold back a sick cough. I felt the blood trickle down my chin. I bit down too hard. I picked up my pace.. I think some one was calling me. i didn't look back to see. I had to keep going until i found my spot. Keep going keep going keep going.5

My spot was under a big tree on a rock. The rock was so big and ugly...so beautiful. The tree was massive but there were so many trees hiding it's ugliness.. no one ever found me here. i sat down and took out a piece of paper and--- my pen? But why? I wanted a pencil so that I can erase. erase the world. i liked what the eraser could do. eraser what you didn't like (but it always left evidence.. a big black bloody blotch, or a hole in the middle of the paper.) Dammit! I cursed under my breath. I slid my tongue across my teeth. my mouth tasted of nothing..but it was stale. I stared blankly off and looked up in the sky. The residual tears on my lashes froze. I watched each snowflake die before they touched the ground. they were so weak ..like me. never yet have I seen one Make it to the ground. I shivered and began to write:6

I HATE YOU! Your tears resemble a mountain of waterfalls, and I wonder if my heart could beat any faster. The bushes over here feel like plastic. Moaning plastic begging for sex and an ashtray. Just like you.  Every time I inch toward your front door, my foot makes a noise and I shutter, scrambling to get back to safety. Your face lights up, and you look out the window and only see the dog, chained up in the back yard, smiling at you. Oh, I wish you’d look a little closer. His mouth is hanging open because his guts are crawling through his teeth. And the blade I held earlier is about to break through his skull. I wonder how long you neglected to feed him, because his rib cage is bursting through his fur. Just like I tried to burst through you. Isn't’t it wonderful when the doctor kills the patient, and the patient doesn't’t even scream? There’s a time for everything, Mon Aime. A time for everything, even for you to hiccup your last breathe. My head is at the stage of spinning, because I can’t remember how I planned this to be foolproof. Nothing is safe anymore, is it? I have to jog the bases and pray I land at home. On home, rather, because I keep losing the grip on my shoes. I HATE HER!.....7

the pen slid out of my hand.I thought about my mom and how much a hate her. I think of my family and how much they hate me. I know they do. they are too proud of me. that's how i know.  My thoughts ramble on. I can feel my head about to explode and i can feel my plastic skin, I'm itching inside. 8

I look down at my paper and read over what I had just wrote. "a bunch of crap", I ball up the paper, "again. a bunch of Shit."  I don't know what drives me to write such things. half of the time i don't know what I'm writing.I shove the paper in my jeans pocket and go back "home" to the bathroom. I like to read the writings on the wall.. 9

KATIE SUCKS ASS!10

I KILLED JACOB (marked in red)11

I BURNED HIS LADDER...12

CHEVELLE ROCKS! (bad imitataional drawing of a guitar)13

I gaze at the writings on the wall.. so much said. it hurts. Then i turn my head to go in the last stall. the door leans, almost gone...almost dead. it's lock is rusted...almost gone..almost..dead. The handy capped toilet smelled and the water was brown...Big brown eye..staring at me.14

The writings on the wall were Beautifully sad.15

I saw him coming one night and i touched him.16

I SAW HIM....I SAW HIM and i DIDN"T SEE HIM. 17

DAddy's gone...HE"S GONE18

i'm gonna die.. He'll kill me.19

I didn't quite understand what exactly was being said in the writings. but something made me laugh at the words Die and Kill. I'm always laughing at death. I stopped laughing and cought something at the bottom of the wall. In big red Bold letters were:20

DONT PUT ME IN THE COLD,DAMP DARK GROUND21

I DON"T LIKE THE DARKNESSIT 22

IT ENGULFS ME23

SMOTHERS ME24

IT KILLS    ME25

PUT YOUR EAR TO MY COFFIN 26

AND MAYBE YOU CAN HEAR ME CRYING27

BURIED ALIVE 28

OR BURIED DEAD29

HOWEVER YOU FIND ME FIRST30

I AM                 HERE          31

My lips began to bleed again. But I wouldn't let go.32

I knew it would start again. I had a feeling. How did she do this when i buried her two years ago? HOW?! did she get out and write this to scare me? where is she? My eyes rolled behind my head and i laughed. " Meghan! where are you!?" I stopped laughing. I stopped breathing. Behind the toilet was a big hole, I bent down to get a better look and I could see dirt spilling out. and--and that ring. Meghan's ring, Meghan's withered finger, crooked and mounted with dirt. She was beckoning at me with that damned finger! And I came closer. I blinked,it stung.  when i opened my eyes, there was nothing there. Junie.. I turned my head and there she was, as she was that day. The day i had Killed her. she wore that same beautiful yellow sun dress, only it wasn't beautiful anymore. I had made it ugly. it was torn at the ends, blood stains colored the flowers red.Her hair was matted with mud and her lips were drawn red. scars hid her face and that neck.. that beautiful neck was gashed with blood and--and---and--- I DID IT! my mouth went dry.I could taste blood. spilling out of my nose..  I was drowning in my own blood and Meghan was watching. Meghan! i yelled. but I knew she couldn't and wouldn't help me. I had killed her. i got up and grabbed her. i slammed her against the wall and bashed her head over and over and over again! over and over.. some one grabbed me from behind.. I couldn't see. I was blinded by the red shadow of blood. They stopped me and I realized that I was banging my own head against the wall.. no Meghan. she was gone. and the writings on the wall were Blurred with my own Words... Satan's Little angel.33