It's been said that the worst words in the English language are "We need to talk". But I can tell you there are three words that are so much worse. "You have cancer". Those are words no one should ever have to hear, especially not an eight-year-old girl. But that's exactly what I heard on the worst day of my life.1
At age eight, I was vivacious and active. I had been dancing since I was three and I was aspiring to someday be a Prima Ballerina. I learned quick that dreams just don't come true. It started out simple enough. Just some annoying but bearable neck pain. I was young, so naturally I ignored it. It got bad, though, and it got bad fast. At first when it started hurting worse, I denied it. My parents took me to a chiropractor to get it massaged so they figured they’d fixed it. These appointments just about killed me. It hurt so terribly, but my mommy told me it would work, so I just toughed it out. I remember thinking, “It’s ok. It’ll go away tomorrow.” But it never did. I tried to stay active. I would go swimming or go jump on a trampoline at a friend’s and end up sitting on the side, holding my neck and rocking back and forth. But it was ok, because it would go away tomorrow. 2
But it never did. 3
Soon the pain would wake me in the middle of the night and I couldn't move. I'd just lie there, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered on my ceiling, crying. After lying still for hours, I'd force myself to roll out of bed, biting my lip so I wouldn't wake my siblings by screaming. Sobbing, I'd crawl up the flight of stairs to the bathroom. I don't know what it was about the bathroom, but I thought that sitting on the toilet would make the pain stop. It worked for stomach aches, why not neck aches? 4
In the bathroom, I would conduct "experiments". My older sister, always the charmer, would tell me I was a baby for complaining about my neck pain. She told me it was all in my head. I didn't understand how she could think that. I didn't want to be in pain, so why would I pretend to be? But I was young, and my sister was always right, so I convinced myself I was just being stupid. Hence my efforts in the bathroom. I would try to force my head to turn by grabbing my chin and twisting it. This ended in shrieks of pain and me writhing on the floor. The sobs and screams grew louder nightly and soon brought my parents running. My dad would all but break down the locked door, and my mom would rush in to find me shaking on the floor, lying in my own vomit. She'd put my head in her lap and peel my long blonde hair off my face where it was glued by in place by the sweat streaming from my forehead. I remember she'd cry. I could tell she was scared and that scared me. 5
Finally my parents decided these were not normal growing pains. A doctor appointment was set and I went to bed scared out of my mind. I didn’t want to know there was something wrong with me. I wanted to be fine. The night before my date with destiny…and the doctor…my sister and her evil little minion, also known as my cousin Jessica, decided to play a prank on the little sister. My mom had shoved some sleeping pills down my throat so that despite the pain, I slept all the way through the night. Under the cover of darkness and mischief, my sister and cousin snuck into my room and dipped my hand in hot water. The next morning when I woke up, I woke up and my bed was wet. Eight-year-olds aren’t supposed to wet the bed and I was sobbing in embarrassment. My mother was concerned that it somehow had something to do with my pains, so she related the event to my doctor. I was so embarrassed, I told him I was fine and he sent me and my mother home completely confused. My ever-loving big sis didn’t fully comprehend the consequences of what she did. 6
Ten more days of agony passed thanks to a selfish ten-year-old. Finally my mom decided it was time for another appointment. This time the doctor ordered an x-ray of my neck. What they found shocked every professional for miles. Eosinophilic Granuloma. In short…7
“You have cancer.” 8
I didn’t understand. All I knew was that my mom had started crying and that cancer didn’t sound very fun. 9
“Will I ever be able to dance again?” The first question I asked as he put the brace around my neck. My mom started crying harder and I tried to look at her without moving my neck. When that didn’t work, I turned back to the doctor. “Will I?”10
“I don’t know. Probably not.” I started crying now. A world with no ballet was a very dark world. “The tumor has eaten all the way through the bone. There’s nothing left. It’s a miracle your neck didn’t snap.” I had stopped listening after the words ‘probably not’. 11
The next couple hours were a blur. All I could think was “I’ll never dance again. I’ll never be a ballerina.” Nothing else mattered. Not the bone-hungry organism slowly dissolving my vertebrae, not my family’s expressions of consolation and support. Nothing except in a matter of minutes my dreams had been dashed forever. Shortly after coming home, my parents loaded me into the car and drove an hour north to a hospital called Primary Children’s. We walked to a door that said “Same-day Surgery”. I knew what surgery was, and surgery was NOT fun. 12
I sat in a room with my parents, awaiting what I assumed would be my doom. I was scared to walk down the corridor to the surgery room so they wheeled me out on a stretcher. I said good-bye to my mom and me and my teddy bear headed to a plain, white room. The scariest room I’ve ever been in. A man placed a plastic mask over my face and told me to breathe deep. I started crying again as the room became blurry and the anesthesia set in. I was going to die. 13
Two surgeries, including one in which they replaced the bone in my neck with a bone cut from my hip, weeks of radiation, months in a wheelchair, a lot of anger, determination, and ten years later, here I am. I was told I would never dance again. I belong to two senior dance companies: Ballet Utah and Athena Dance Company, and I climb rock walls. Cancer wasn’t fun, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I now know I can live through anything. Even the hell that is Eosinophilic Granuloma. 14
Author notes
I wrote this experience about when I had cancer when I was eight/nine. I think I'll add more to this eventually cause there's so much more to the story. Tell me what you think.
A contest entry
- Defining Moments by Naive..
800 points, ended April 1, 2008, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - You Think You Have What It Takes? by On.Cue.
675 points, ended March 19, 2008, 53 entries
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370 points, ended April 20, 2008, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Chains unleashed! by Shiki.
1600 points, ended June 2, 2008, 57 entries
Honorable mention
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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WONDERFUL BUT SAD
omg i cant imagine what you went through. it is so sad. and you are so brave for having to go through that at such a young age. you wrote about it so well though. You did such a wonderful job of writing and i hope to read more soon. don't ever give up and keep on writing
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Absolutely beautiful, terribly frightening, completely real. I barely have words to describe it...
God bless you.
-♥sarahbeth
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I think this is a well written story and even more so since I felt the fear and sorrow at your loss of dance and your bravery of taking the pain. You did well! And I too am glad tha tyou survived the cancer. My mom is a cancer survivor
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Well Done!
Well written... you may wish to add a bit more description to the ending - I would love to hear about the first time you started dancing after all the yucky surgeries were finally done, but otherwise, Bravo!
I will no longer complain over sore feet at the end of the day, I certainly have nothing of consequence to complain about!!!
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This was awesome write........And Im glad to see that you survived the whole ordeal.....
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Absolutely heartbreaking, heartwarming, and poignant.. Amazing job
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Oh my gosh!! For a minute, you had me thinking that you were going to die!! But then I thought, "how would she have written this....?" Anyway, GREAT writing. The ideas flowed naturally and you could really feel the heartache in this story. I'm so happy you were able to get through it and keep dancing. Don't forget to keep writing, too - you're really good!
~AI~ -
This was nice, quite emotional, I'm sat in work lol, but it flows really well too so I can really hear what you are saying as if I am there. Glad you are better. God works x
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Wow. You are amazing! It's amazing how you pulled through and only came out so much stronger than before! I truly and deeply respect you!
Now about the writing itself.. It's very well-written. You describe your own emotions very well; how you believed your older sister, your embarrassment caused by your sister's prank, your crushed dreams... It kept me reading until the very end, and I'm no easy reader xD
Keep up the great work!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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oh, I'm so sorry! what a mean older sister you had! I'm glad that you made it through that.
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Wow, you're incredibly brave, I'm glad you've overcome it and are living your dream. This was beautiful.
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Good on ya! (Not for havin cancer, I mean, just for getting through this!!)
I like this story, well written, realistic, and with an uplifitng ending.
Great job.
R,
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As I was reading this, I was praying this wasnt a true story... i'm really sorry you had to experience this but im overjoyed you were able to use this experience for something positive.... ^_^
I don't have any critisism for this story.. you're grammer and punctuation are imaculate, and the story's content is obviously phenominal.
Incredible work ^^
(i wish i could give you more than 3 applause for this lol)
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I thought this was amazing. Very well written. Straight from the heart.
I'm sorry that you had to go through Cancer. It's one of those things that shouldn't happen to anyone, least of all an innocent child.
But anyway, I liked this. It's interesting seeing things through the eyes of a child.
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WOW! this is such a good story with so much emotion and all types of feelings flooded through me when I finished reading it, This is really a great story and is so well written you should be really so proud!!! Keep up the excelent work!!
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I'm sorry =[ you're right that "You have cancer" are definatly the worst words anyone should have to hear.My friends sister had a type of cancer and lost all of hair hair and had years of chemotherapy.I hope you can dance now <3
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M. T. Cox
This is a story which more folks than you might think can truly relate to. My own oldest daughter came down with chicken pocks when she was the same age. My mom gave her aspirin and she never got well. The docs thought it was leukemia. Several surgeries later they had removed a growth similar to mold on bread from all of he inner organs. Something I believe to do with Rhys-syndrome. It was a terrifying time for us as parents. I have not idea what my daughter--in her heart and mind--went through. This story of yours give me a little peek at what my little girl, now 34, was feeling inside--the fears, worrys, and doubts about the future. Thanks so much for sharing this. AverageJoe93054@att.net -
Great!
Wow. If that isn't a defining moment, then I don't know what is. Regardless of the writing, I have to say that you are incredibly brave, strong, and someone to be admired. But your writing was great too!
I loved the emotion and how well you described your confusion because you were so young. You really did a wonderful job of telling this story through the eyes of an eight year old child.
Anywho, this piece was great. Cancer is a horrible and devastating sickness and you did an amazing job writing about your experience with it. Thanks so much for entering my contest, and good luck! :]
-jj
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