Portrait of Ruin

I lay faceless in bane,
thunderstruck yet addicted.1

Around me debris,
of what used to be
an El Dorado.2

I fall in the ashen,
dismal and bleak
lustful for her touch
and finally....
Hell knows no bounds
as it breaks my embodiment.3

I lay limp
in my self-constructed portrait of ruin.4

Bloodlessly, I had initiated my own eradication.5

Until...6

Her translucent aurora banishes holocaust
and harmony blankets life
as the future
taunts him
so.7

Author notes

Just so you all know, and don't get all excited, "her touch" is a reference to the goddess of love, Venus.

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Aaez
    May 10, 2008

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    Ahh the goddess of love. Me wants her. ...lol..not really. ANyway...good poem Z. really cool cool. =D


    Aaez.


  • Siby Anan
    April 27, 2008
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    When the StoryWrite Oscars come, I'm nominating this for best poem

    Oh crap, I should've left that as a surprise huh? xD


  • KattyLovesChris
    April 15, 2008
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    Wow, this was so full of descriptions and strong imagery! It was short and sweet, yet filled with so many different emotions. To tell you the truth, I think this is one of the best poems I have ever read on storywrite! Fantastic job and thanks for entering!

    *KAT*


  • Princess Peaches
    March 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The imagery is amazing I could picture everything that was happening my favourite part was when you said "as the future taunts him so" It brought the wholle poem togeather great work! You should join allpoetry and enter it in a contest! I bet you would get gold! xoxo <3 Princess Peaches
    P.S.
    Keep Writting


  • MysticalRayne
    March 17, 2008

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    I absolutely loved this and your imagery is excellent - The subject is extremely interestin - excellent job keep penning


  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    March 16, 2008

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    Oh, did you "die broken-hearted"?

    Usually, i cant get poetry, and this is hard for me. but i like this line:

    "...Her translucent aurora banishes holocaust"

    However, earlier on, you mix past and present tenses. If intential, ignore my big mouth. :


  • dustbunni3
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for that information in the author's notes, otherwise, I would have thought this was something completely different

    This is quite a deep poem that took a lot of thought to put out... Great job!
    Ana


  • miles of smiles
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    seriously, you haven't written poetry before? you sure? i think you're lying to me.

    this is...like, beautiful, in a horribly twisted way. it sort of contradicts itself which makes it intriguing, and you have a ton of good dictionary words here, the "until" thing was pure genius [which you are], and dude.

    its just really really beautiful, okay?

    after i read this i went back to your page to check your age. your 12 too? sweet

    the first and fourth stanzas were my favorite, i think. i really do like how you used the word holocaust.

    as the future
    taunts him
    so.

    ^wow.

    i mean really, i'm trying to think of something else to say, but that's all that comes to mind. lol. how sad is that? you've rendered me speechless, my friend.

    WOW. again. just wow.

    ♥sarah


    • TheWritersAdvocate
      March 15, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!

      Just to clear it up, I've written some poetry before, but none of it was as successful as this.

      And the last part? I liked that one best, too XD

      ~Z


      • miles of smiles
        March 15, 2008
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        oh, well, um, its still one of the best poetry pieces i've read here or on allpoetry. so be proud, mah friend.


  • huntinger
    March 15, 2008
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    I lay limp
    in my self-constructed portrait of ruin.

    I like that. Well done


  • Sailor Luna
    March 14, 2008
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    huh?


  • Xtclozer-
    March 13, 2008

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    Good poem Z I liked the until part I never seen any poetry by you XD And this was good !!
    Write more poetry, Z, you are good at it


  • TheWritersAdvocate
    March 13, 2008
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    <

    lol, Its all me babes

    *Saves Ze*

    You no kill the character based off me! Or at least my name.


  • Siby Anan
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OH. MY. GOD.

    I'm sorry, this was written by YOU? He who has not written many poetry pieces before? I'm quite astonished. My mind's blank right now. Not knowing what to say, not knowing what to feel. I think this is called shock...

    This is the work of a master! A master poet! Written by the likes of you!

    Oh my gosh. I'm being an arse, aren't I? I should credit you for writing something so great and instead I'm not believe that you wrote it.

    *throws confetti around and gives you BIG medal*

    Fine work, Z. Most beautiful thing I've ever read. The vocabulary, the structure.

    I don't say this very often but...

    this is perfection.

1 - 25 of 25