Auburn tresses frame a face that has long since passed its’ youth. Green eyes shield the emotions locked within her haggard appearance; her infamous beauty stamped out by the cruelty of the life she’s faced. Many seemingly unaware of what her outward looks belie. 1
To know her, one cannot help but be charmed by her honest care and concern. In her presence, all of life’s troubles drop their garish colors. Her fawned awkwardness fools only the most untrained eye, grace and honor surround her every movement.2
Within those arms, every child finds comfort. Every foolish pain finds its wondrous release. Her voice is the blanket of security every form of innocence might seek. To know her love, is a king’s ransom; to feel her pride, a prince’s reward. 3
When I am lonely, her presence surrounds me with in the folds of belonging. When I am sad, her comfort rewards me with the magic of innocent joy. Although, we have faced the pains of separation and the agony of usurping, our hearts have remained forever linked by the bonds of maternal love. 4
The worst of mothers might find avenues for criticism and the best of daughters’ reason for scorn. Her manners might give room for reproach among many but, her heart suffers judgment from none. 5
Given the choice, many might not pick her for their mother or maybe even their friend. But for me, she is like a fine tapestry sprinkled with forgotten dust. When I examine her closely I see the maternal design I have always wanted to see.6
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
This is a wonderful piece but I must agree with all the other judges in that it needs to be in poetry form... Other then that it is a very beautiful write!!! Keep up the good work...
Thank you for entering our contest...
~Beth~ -
Hey this is magnficent with it's imagery and detail. What a beautiful look at your mother. Green eyes that shield her emotions, locked within her appearance. I love this line and it reminds me of someone close to me! This is a well-crafted essay and I hope the family votes to let you keep it in, but it would make a fantastic poem as well!
-
This is truly beautiful and you gave off some magnificint (sp? yea I butchered it) images. Since you said that you wrote all your peoms like this I took a look at your others, and you were hontest to your word. I do have to say this does not have an essay feel to it at all, your word choice give a very poetic feel to them. So please do keep it in here. This is a wonderful write. Thank you for entering and good luck.
-
Leave this in, and you may certainly put another entry in if you'd like. I will discuss this with the other group members and put it to a vote. Many have already expressed how much they like your writing. You do have a beautiful style for essay. Hugs, Patricia
-
It's a prose poem and I understand why you call it poetry. I certainly can hear the difference between this and a formal work of exposition. I can also see why the otherjudges don't consider it one. This prose poem fits into that gray area (unfortunately.)
Actually you could just break up the sentences into shorter lines and stanzas (just for this contest--then you could put it back the way you want it) without having to actually do any re-writing. Like this:
Auburn tresses frame a face
that has long since passed its’ youth.
Green eyes shield the emotions
locked within her haggard appearance;
her infamous beauty stamped out
by the cruelty of the life she’s faced.
Many seemingly unaware
of what her outward looks belie.
Just an idea. That is, if you'd like to. Though I do understand why you wouldn't want to alter it.
Contest or no contest, this is a beautifully written piece and you should be proud. -
This wasn't an essay. This is the way I write poetry. But, that's ok. If you want a rhyme, go for that. I don't like rhymes myself. I think they're forced.
-
I do have to agree with the rest of the family...this is beautiful, but it doesn't follow the rules. I do hope you will consider changing this, because it is quite well done! Thanks for entering!
Hugs
Jess -
This is for poetry form only. If you could change it into that form, I'm sure you'd not be sorry you did. It's an excellent piece and beautifully written. I do hope you will change it.
So far, those who have read it agrees that it's a wonderful write. Good luck in the contest, and thank you for entering. Hgus, Patricia -
I have to agree 100% with auntie Bonnie, We did call for poetry, and this is more like a story for an essay. It is written ok, but not exactly what the contest calls for
Jenn -
This is a beautifully written essay: in some ways, it reminds me of my mother, though she was quite abusive, she taught wonderful things. For that, she is great and I hope she's called great in heaven.
The contest calls for strictly poetry; so, you might want to reconsider either changing the presentation of this wonderful piece or, perhaps, a different entry in keeping with the rules and contest requirements.
Family member: Auntie B♥nnieQ
-
Oh this is just so beautiful. I really loved the things that you said and you kept this all flowing nicely along too. Thanks for entering and good luck, Penny
-
love
Thank you so very very much ny baby for to me even thought you are all grow up now . to me you are still that sweet little bunddle of joy that that god gave unto me. i love you and i thank you for this honor you have give to me in this poem of your -
she is like a fine tapestry sprinkled with forgotten dust. When I examine her closely I see the maternal design I have always wanted to see.
Just beautiful
-
Beautiful!
ooooooh I like this. When I started to read I'll be honest, I wasn't sure I would like it but you grabbed my attention within the first two lines and held it the whole time. I love the attention to description "magic of innocent joy", but my favorite line in this one is: she is like a fine tapestry sprinkled with forgotten dust. Sometimes it's like that isn't it? Beautiful write, thank you for sharing
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
