How has thee fallen?
drowning orbis terrarum
a vehemens tripudio
Like the rain in abundance
Falling towards the earth in wealth
Thou has thane eyes perched up at the heavens above
Casting wrath upon mankind
ortus supremus lucifer in vestri quest
For the sin of thy god1
(Chorus)
lacuna redimio mihi...
Ominous heart thy tears departs
Ye old flower drooped upon the sword and the bow
Black as thoust raven eyes and heart
lacuna redimio mihi...
Darkness in all its empty forms
Ye brow wrinkled as time in malice
And warped as thoust refection be 2
Angry as the tide,fallen from grace
sententia thy penniger pennae es infractus
sweeping away the once proud and sturdy mountains
See how they crumble as your fury collides with the worlds
God’s world thus it doth crash violently
Ye body wrapped Lassoed and chained into place
Into existence by thy soul and tendered flesh
This is now your Luciferious Eden
Weep here or nevermore
Try not to cry as your hate fades into blackness
It shows, oh how it shows3
(Chorus)
a vorago redimio mihi...
EGO can’t animadverto vos,
EGO can’t audite vos Operor vos etiam futurus?
Ominous heart thy tears departs
Ye old flower drooped upon the sword and the bow
Black as thoust raven eyes and heart
a vorago redimio mihi...
blackness in all its empty form
Ye brow wrinkled as time in malice
And contorted as thoust reflection be 4
Horned god thou thinkest
Reperio a via ut dominor , subvertio
Your formerly white wings shattered and shredded
Here your maelstrom is true
Your murmured lips pulled away in grief
Your once soulful eyes now scream!
Truest is thy form in the hearts and minds of mankind
Mankind whom chose to ignore the light
Like Adam and eve choose to ignore thou warnings
Dead now is their adored Eden5
(Chorus)
a inritus redimio mihi...
EGO can’t sentio vos , EGO can’t tactus vos,
Operor vos futurus?
Ominous heart thy tears departs
Ye old flower drooped upon the sword and the bow
Black as thoust raven eyes and heart
a inritus redimio mihi...
shade in all its empty form
Ye brow wrinkled as time in malice
And marring as thoust reflection be... 6
Spoken: 7
deus orator vobis...
is said Olympus vel abyssus?
Olympus vel abyssus?
Vos restituo neither...
tunc...vos socius8
Once was your skin white and luminescent with god’s hollowed light
Now thy beauty lay before thee
Disfigured, bleeding thy body speakled red and contorted
Thy chains that shall ceaselessly caress thee
Will clutch you in anguish where you shall weep no more
These hooks wrap and hold you by thy tender flesh
And the raven thy plutonian evil shall keep you
Ask as you may forever …
Nevermore said the plutonian raven tenderly
sententia nunquam magis vadum vos animadverto Olympus
And nevermore shall it be so…9
Spoken: The search for thy way to Paradise is eternal... But maybe it is that quest that shall close the gates of the Heavens...
Author notes
Original poem: http://allpoetry.com/poem/3467754
For those Latin impaired : http://allpoetry.com/poem/3477790
Ya I still have to update it a bit but no biggy. :P
A contest entry
- Poetry!!!! by Shadowed Phoenix.
900 points, ended June 5, 64 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - From the Realms of Heaven and Hell by Rachel Westwood.
525 points, ended July 29, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I really like this... I've been meaning to read it for a long time, but I forgot all about it, until I re-visited an old work of mine, looking at the comments... You said you were glad to find another Theatre of Tragedy fan, and that you had a poem (this one) inspired by ToT =)
So that's why I read it, and I'm glad I did... I really liked it =)
Well done, good job here! Would love to hear it sung =D
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I started reading this and made it about two stanzas before thinking 'what the hell' and scrolling to the bottom. Once I found the translated version it was a lot easier to read. I say congrats to anyone who can write music since it is far from within my capabilities. This is a magnifacent song even for its length. The combination of old and new english and the latin even though I could not read it is wonderfuly done to give the song more of a memorable feel. Overall a wonderful song/poem that is deffenetly a work of art. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Grammar Notes, Etc:
"Thou has thane eyes perched up at the heavens above" - hast?
"Ominous heart thy tears departs" - I think 'depart' should be without the 's'...maybe. What's the subject of this sentence? heart or tears? *confusion*
"Black as thoust raven eyes and heart" - thy
"Ye body wrapped Lassoed and chained into place" - 'ye' means 'you,' so "you body wrapped" doesn't make any sense. I think "thy" would work better there.
"Try not to cry as your hate fades into blackness
It shows, oh how it shows" - I like this. Really great line here.
"Your formerly white wings shattered and shredded
Here your maelstrom is true
Your murmured lips pulled away in grief
Your once soulful eyes now scream!" - Okay, here's a suggestion. If you're going to stick with the old english, I'd suggest using it throughout. HOWEVER, this section really works with "your" instead of "thy." By taking away the old english and using normal grammar, I can concentrate more on your message and what you're trying to say, rather than focusing on the 'thy's and 'thee's. I'm not sure if the old english really helps your poem any, especially since the grammar seems incorrect in a lot of places.
"Dead now is their adored Eden" - Great line. Awesome.
"speakled" - ?? I'm not sure what this word is supposed to be. Sparkled? Speckled? Sprinkled?
"hold you by thy tender" - hold THEE by thy (or) hold you by your
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This reminded me a lot of songs by Cradle of Filth. I like the theatrical morbidity of the words, but I stand by my criticism that the grammar issues took away a LOT of my enjoyment of this poem. The random latin phrases were neat. I could understand some of them, but not all of them. Perhaps in your Author's Notes you could put the translations of what they actually mean? (This isn't necessary, but just a suggestion)
Good job with this. I can tell you put a lot of work into writing this. Fix up the grammar issues and it'll be awesome.
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