UNDER REVISION
Author notes
Some of the memories are real.
"LOVE: The irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." - contest quote
- Paradox group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Mo' QUOTES Fo' Sho'! by Greeneyes15.
350 points, ended March 25, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ~Lovey Dovey~ by HopelesslyInLove.
150 points, ended March 31, 2008, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emo and love. by aloneallalong.
335 points, ended April 1, 2008, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Mushhhy =) by Melli.
175 points, ended March 29, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - CALLING ALL SAPS!! by Seachelle.
225 points, ended April 20, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emotive and Descriptive by tallblondie.
1050 points, ended May 31, 2008, 50 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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So far, so good!
I thought you were a little too descriptive at times- you needed to break down some of your sentences into two. The ending also caught me off guard-not what I was expecting. I loved the emotions portrayed in this piece however-fantastic!
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Having already commented on this previously, I just would like to re-emphasise that I liked the raw emotion of this piece. As regards the contest, you did use some description language, but not enough to set it apart.
Thank you for your entry and good luck.
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Hmm, It was goood. I didn;t like the ending though. All of it was good, except the ending. it just didnt fit and it didnt flow. sorry. thanks for enterying and good luck.
KEEP.WRITING.
-Melli<33 -
Fantastic Job! Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck!
*KAT* -
Nice start to something longer. Good description as insertion of raw emotion.
Keep writing!beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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very well done and well written this seems to be a wonderfuly done tribute. It's well worded and the flow is wonderfull.
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(in my view)
The use of brackets here affects the flow a bit... how about something like, 'as I stared at what I viewed as my deformed reflection.' Just a suggestion, though
This post is short so I can't guess yet exactly what this story will be about, but it sounds good ^^
I'll be back for more
Eph
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so far, so good!
beginning: 4, language: 4.
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