Go ahead and drop your pants
you know we will enjoy it
Thrust your hips – a sexy stance -
when all the girls employ it
Don't forget what I just told you
Never let the wrong man hold you
And never give your heart away
...Unless the man can pay1
Go ahead and take a chance
Your legs should spread like butter
Strain, perhaps, to hear romance
in what your buyers mutter
Mostly, though, it will be curses,
Drunken moans and some lewd verses.
Kind words always left unsaid
…Inside a stranger's bed2
Go ahead and start your dance
and practice your gyration
Use your smile and your glance
to work that fascination
With that, my dear, will come the cash
Which you can add into your stash
or spend it all with careless glee
…Just give a third to me.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poetry!!!! Poetry!!! Poetry!!!! by LadyLionnir.
400 points, ended March 21, 2008, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Good Poetry: ENTER HERE by Midnightmare.
275 points, ended April 13, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Sorry but I think I'm going to be sick...no offence though. It was good besides the....*cups hand to mouth* Sorry, I'm only eleven...
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I didn't think it was "wrong" like other people said... I just thought it was incredibly well written and had an interesting and great story behind it.
I loved the format and how you made the last line really definite. Great job! -
Nice, but oh so wrong!
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...Whoooooooa... This poem is so wrong it's sad... You did a great job writing it and I loved the way it flowed and rhymed.. My favorite part was "Go ahead and take a chance
Your legs should spread like butter
Strain, perhaps, to hear romance
in what your buyers mutter
Mostly, though, it will be curses,
Drunken moans and some lewd verses.
Kind words always left unsaid
…Inside a stranger's bed"
Wonderful way of words, yet so wrong and sad and.... ugh, I can't seem to make sense today, lol!
Either way, great poem..
<3
Ana
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Pander? more like Pimp lol, this was good, very good..had nice rhythm..some went off a little no big deal over all it was great!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Good
I liked your rhyme scheme here. I thought the overall the piece wa svery strong, and I liked how your rhyme was cliche. It did not sound mechanical. That said, I got a little confused, because I also felt that you sacrificed better words so that you could keep yourself in the rhythm of the rhyme. For instance, when you say: and all the girls employ it. The AND, is unneeded. Then you say, never give your heart away, which I think needs to be reworded. Generally, prostitutes don't give their heart; I found it a bit strange. And yet I really liked it. I am on the fence with this one. Nice work.
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this was really stupid, i didn't enjoy it sorry!
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Lol! This was really funny, but also really sad.... What an empty life O.o
Love the last line, and your rhyming and flow is great too. An original view on the concept.
Awesome
Eph -
lol, wow. I love it. The sassiness and the demand. Like it's teaching a lesson. I saw into the meaning and was stunned by what I happened to glimpse. Great write-you sustained the flow and kept it up. Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering!
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Funny, but at the same time sad. Oldest profession on the books. Good luck in the contest.
Brooke
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This was so histericall yet cool at the same time. I wish as always that it was a bit longer. Please keep up the asomeness. Also do you happen to have any stories or is poetry your main deal? Just wondering.
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Hi,
I have tons of stories. Check out my profile if you're interested. I've been stuck on poetry recently, though, which is why that's all I've been posting this last month or two.
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I liked it a lot. It seems both touching on something serious and yet pretty entertaining. You are definitely missing a beat in "drunken moans and lewd verses." which I must say threw me off a bit and I had to get back on track. Overall though a very interesting and original piece.
Good job and keep penning.
Kat
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MAGNIFICENT!
Hello Megan! Magnificent as always. If one wants to be a trifle persnickety, perhaps the verse missing a syllable could be altered to Drunken moans and some lewd verses?
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Lovely poem on a subject usually only handled in dismal tones. Points for that. Very good flow, rhyme and rhythm.
The line beginning with 'Drunken' seems to be one syllable short, though.
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