The Atlantic Via Bathtub CH 11

Somewhere deep in the airship.1

John groaned, and sat up. His head throbbed slightly, he felt the back of his head, there was a slight lump. How'd that get there? Oh, he got hit, that was right, where was he now? He looked around the room he was in.2

It was quite large, it looked like an upper crust hotel room he thought, lush carpets on the floor, random paintings hanging on the walls, and the whopping great four poster bed, which he was currently lying on, in the middle.3

He pushed the blankets off, and clambered out of bed, which was quite a feat, the mattress was squishy, and the blankets huge.4

Once he managed to untangle himself and get off the bed, he started to wander round, see if he could find out where he was. 5

On seeing a window, he walked over to it and looked out.6

'Oh my goodness! Where am I?' he gasped, as he gazed upon the scene that had dropped Pete's jaw. 7

Dragging himself away from the window he looked around the rest of the room, seeing the door at the far opposite end of the room, he strolled over to it, and tried the handle, it was locked.8

Of course it was locked, he thought, what did I expect? To be kidnapped, smacked over the head, then stuck in an unlocked room? Yeah right... He sighed. Turning to survey the room once again, he noticed that the table by the bed had a covered platter on it, maybe food?9

John quickly walked over to it and lifted the lid.10

Wow! he thought, they sure take care of you here.11

On the platter was two croissants, which looked and smelt hot and fresh, there was also a small dish of butter, and jam also. A plunger with what smelt like coffee in it, milk,sugar, and a knife and fork. 12

'Well, I'm not going to go hungry,' he muttered to himself, as he cut open one of the croissants and spread butter on it, the butter instantly started melting, soaking into the croissant. The smell was making his stomach grumble rather loudly, he wondered vaguely when he'd last eaten.13

After he had finished loading the croissants with jam and butter, he poured the coffee into the mug which they had also supplied, he added a tiny dash of milk, then sat down on the bed and dug in. 14

He savoured his first bite of the croissant, the first real food he'd had in days. This was so much better then spam, only a mad man could happily live on spam.15

No sooner had he finished then he heard the sound of a key in the lock of the door, and the door opened to reveal a small rather rotund man in a neatly cut white suit, and large glasses that made his eyes look twice there normal size. 'Ah, you iz avake zen? Goot goot.' He smiled cheerily at John. 'Iv you vill vollow me pleaz.' He turned and with out waiting for John waddled off down the hall.16

John quickly downed the rest of his coffee and dashed out the door after the funny little man.17

It didn't take him long to catch up, as the man, though he was moving quickly, had rather short legs, and was covering ground slowly.18

John fell into step beside him. 'So where are we?' he asked.19

'You vaz not told? Ack, viy zay not tellz you I don't knoz.' He rolled his eyes and waved his hands around for added affect. 'Zez iz zee Zuzerzay. Zir Eric "Dragon" Lagzon's flag zeppelin,' said the little man proudly.20

It took John a minute to work out just what the little man had said, he'd never heard so many Zs in one sentence before.21

A zeppelin, so that's what they were on, one called the Sutherway if John had worked it out right.22

They arrived at a door near the end of the hall, on the left. The little man opened it, and indicated that John should enter. He did so. The room he stepped into was a dinning hall by the look of it, down one end of the long table he saw Pete and Charles sitting with someone he hadn't seen before.23

'You iz zuppozed to go up to zem,' hissed the little man from outside the door, obviously unhappy with John just standing there, gawking at the view.24

'Right...' said John distractedly. Then it sunk in just what the little man had said. 'Oh, right.' He began the long trek to the far end of the room.25

As he neared them Charles who was sitting with his back to the window, noticed John. 'Ah hullo kido, made it at last I see,' said he, waving a chicken leg in the air.26

At Charles comment Pete spun, a look of relief plastered over his face. 'Ah, you're still with us eh laddy?'27

'Of course he is still with you, I told you he was safe,' said Sir Eric somewhat darkly.28

'Yeah, I'm still here, though my head hurts a bit,' said John, as he drew closer.29

'Ah yes, you're the one that one of my guards hit. You'll be pleased to know he was punished,' said Sir Eric.30

'Is he still alive?' asked John flatly.31

Sir Eric looked somewhat surprised at the straightforwardness of the question. 'Er. Yes, he is. I think... Why do you ask?'32

' 'Cause I wanted to know,' said John, offering no other reason. 'Can I eat?'33

'Yes, you may. Did they not give you any food? I'll have them punished,' raged Sir Eric.34

John raised an eyebrow at Sir Eric's sudden outburst. 'They feed me, I just wanted some more. Say, what's with you and punishing everyone?'35

Sir Eric looked somewhat embarrassed, he said nothing, just shrugged.36

Pete looked at Charles, who gave an; I-have-no-idea kinda of look, and went back to eating.37

Pete pulled the chair out next to him. 'Here, have a set lad, thar be food a plenty.' 38

John sat down, and dished himself out his second breakfast. 'So this zeppelin, Sutherway? How big is it?' he asked.39

'Yes, Sutherway is her name. The living section, which we are in at the moment, is 250 metres long, thirty wide, and 12 stories high, which is about 50 metres. The balloon section is near 800 metres long and about 160 metres in diameter at the widest point,' said Sir Eric, somewhat proudly.40

John looked somewhat blank at the figures.41

On seeing his look, Charles clarified, 'Huge, really huge, whopping great huge.' 42

'Ahhh, I see,' the answer seemed to satisfy John, as he returned his attention to his food.43

'I must admit, I am very curious as to how you managed to get something this size to stay in the air. I didn't think it was possible,' commented Pete, despite his growing dislike for Sir Eric, he was very curious as to how the airship did stay afloat.44

'Ah-hah, that would be telling wouldn't it?' said Sir Eric smugly. 'We might have to trade secrets, you tell me how you got your beautiful bathtub bigger on the inside then the outside, and I tell you how Sutherway keeps afloat.'45

'I'm surprised you haven't worked it out yet. But I must admit though the offer is tempting, I don't much see the point in telling you how Bootle is how she is, the chances that you'll actually tell us how Sutherway floats is very slim methinks. So leaving you guessing might prove handy for us,' said Pete, staring at Sir Eric, searching for some sign of what he was thinking.46

'A valid point, but one that I hardly think will do you any good,' Sir Eric told them.47

'Oh? And why is that?' asked Pete, who was starting to get really annoyed by Sir Eric's smug manner.48

'Well, lets just say: "Ve have vays of Makink you talk," ' said Sir Eric, a slow evil grin twisting his face.49

'Indeed, torturing Pigeon till I divulge my secrets?' asked Pete sarcastically.50

'Torturing? What do you take me for, some sort of barbarian? I'm insulted,' said Sir Eric haughtily.51

Pete was somewhat surprised by Sir Eric's response. 'Well what ways of making us talk then?'52

Sir Eric grinned evilly again. 'Torture.' 53

'Dang, well, don't start with me, ol' Petey wouldn't say a word,' Charles said casually, without even pausing eating.54

John looked somewhat worried by the conversation.55

'I guess that leaves me no choice but to torture the boy.'56

'Hey wait up, what ever happened to torturing me to get the information out of me?' asked Pete.57

'Hmm, you think it would work?' Sir Eric appeared to ponder over that thought.58

'Well, no...'59

'Then you have your answer, I must torture the boy, unless you tell me your secrets,' said Sir Eric matter-of-factly.60

Pete appeared to think about this. 'If you hurt the boy, I won't tell you anything.'61

'Ah-hah, you are bluffing,' Sir Eric told him.62

'Am I?'63

John was starting to get a bad feeling about this conversation.64

'That is a good question, shall we find out?' asked Sir Eric.65

'Be my guest.' 66

'Ahh, do I get a say in the matter of torturing me?' asked John nervously.67

'Oh don't worry about them kid, you'll be fine. Here a drumstick? The chicken is really good,' said Charles casually. 68

'How do you know I'll be fine?' snapped John.69

'Look kid, Pete wouldn't let a fly hurt you if he could help it, and that other geezer, a Eirc what's-his-face, punished the solider who hit you, you think he'd hurt you after doing that? Like I said, you'll be fine mate,' said Charles somewhat loudly, then went back to eating.70

Pete and Sir Eric glared at him.71

'You know, he does have a very valid point there,' commented Sir Eric thoughtfully.72

'Aye, he does,' muttered Pete darkly, annoyed because his bluff was now useless.73

'Shall we torture him for ruining our little bluffing game?' asked Sir Eric.74

Pete grinned. 'Sounds good to me.'75

'Now?'76

'Why not.'77

'Whoa, slow down people,' said Charles, with his mouthful. 'Jumping the gun a bit ain't you? I haven't even finished breakfast yet.' He held up the half eaten chicken leg he'd been working on.78

'Gosh darn it!' snapped John. 'What is with you people? All this talk of torture, why can't you just tell each other what you want to know, and let us be on our way.' 79

Sir Eric and Pete looked at each other slightly embarrassed.80

'Leave 'em alone kid, people like them live for this sort of negotiation. Come one, we'll go talk a walk, leave them to it.' Turning to Sir Eric he asked, 'Is that all right if we go have a look around?'81

Sir Eric was thrown by Charles's casual manner, 'Er... I guess so, I'll get Baldwin to show you around.' he pressed a button on the control pane by his seat. 'Baldwin, come in here would you.'82

No sooner had he finished speaking then the little man whom had escorted John in here appeared by Sir Eric's side. 'You called Zir?' he said.83

'Yes, take these two gentlemen-' He waved his hands at Charles and John- 'And give them a tour of the Sutherway.'84

'Yez Zir.' To John and Charles he said, 'If you vill follow me?' So saying he turned sharply on his heel and waddled to the door.85

Charles stood up, grabbed a bowl and shoved some food in it, and followed Baldwin. 'Come on kid, lets go.'86

John stood up and followed after them.87

'Ziz iz zeez floorz main hallvay, each floor haz one main hallvay down zee middle, viz all zee roomz off to each zide. Zeez floor haz the important peoplez roomz...'88

They followed Baldwin down the hall well trying hard to work out just what he was saying. His over use of Zs making it rather hard. 89

Charles had an idea. 'I say, Sir Eric said he'd show us how the Sutherway stays in the air, do you think you'd be able to show us?'90

Baldwin stopped walking and turned to Charles. 'Zir Eric vill zow you ven he iz ready, I am not able to zow you. Only he haz zee key to get into zee room.'91

'Oh, I see. Umm, so who keeps it running then?'92

'Zer iz a crew of mechanicz who live in zee zed room. Zey iz never allowed out, zey keep it running,' explained Baldwin. 'Now if you vill pleaze be quiet and let me continue viz zee tour.'93

'Hokay then,' said Charles, he shrugged at John in a, oh-well-it-was-worth-a-try way.94

'Now ve come to zee elevator. It travelz to all twelve floorz. Zee bottom floor ez zee azzault floor, all zee zoliderz equipment ez down zer, along viz zee mini azzault zeppelinz, and variouz zmall attack boatz.'95

'Can we please go to that floor first?' asked John.96

'Vee vas going too,' said Baldwin, as he pressed the button to open the lift doors. 97

Charles nodded to the two sentries guarding the lift, as he stepped into it. John followed waving to the bored guards.98

One of the guard started to wave back, but caught sight of the other guard glaring at him, and promptly put his hand back down.99

'So, we torture Charles first, if you won't talk, we then start torturing my crew till you talk, right?' asked Sir Eric.100

'Aye, that sounds about right,' agreed Pete. They had moved to the room on the other side of the Sutherway, which was a lounge room. Sir Eric had ordered coffee and they were both relaxing in comfy armchairs well they worked out what they were going to do to get Pete to talk.101

'So if you still don't talk by the time I've been through my entire crew, I torture myself till you talk?'102

Ignoring the heavy sarcasm in Sir Eric voice, Pete said rather cheerfully, 'Yup. And if that doesn't work, you can give me back Bootle and we'll be on our way.' 103

'Ah-hah. I think you fail to realise what I am after,' commented Sir Eric dryly.104

'Err... How Bootle is bigger on the inside then the outside?' hazarded Pete.105

'No!' said Sir Eric triumphantly.106

'So... What then?' asked Pete slowly.107

'I will show you.' Sir Eric stood up and strode quickly to a small door the far end of the room.108

Pete got up and followed him.109

Sir Eric pressed a button by the side of the door, and it slid opening. Stepping inside he explained, 'This is the lift that takes one to the ninth, tenth, and eleventh floor.'110

Stepping in after him, Pete looked at the control panel, it only had to buttons, one marked: 3-4-5. The other marked: 12.111

'Umm, shouldn't there be a button for each floor? Instead of one for three?' asked Pete puzzled.112

'Good spotting, normally yes.'113

Pete waited for him to continue, but he said no more, just hit the button for the three floors.114

The lift jolted slightly, then slid down.115

Pete decided that he didn't like lifts.116

It stopped and the door slid open. 117

Pete's mouth dropped at the sight that greeted his eyes.118

A chill wind blew past the three on tour, something strange was in the air. Strange enough that even Baldwin lapsed into silence.119

There was a clatter behind them, they all spun to see what it was. The sight that greeted them had John and Charles scratching their heads.120

The tumbleweed bounced down the hall, passing between them, and continuing on down the hall.121

The three looked at each other.122

Charles felt an irresistible urge to whisper, so he yelled, 'Well, that was a nine point o on my weird-crap-O-metre.'123

'Shhh!' shushed both John and Baldwin.124

After a moments silence, John said, 'What was that?'125

'That, was a tumbleweed, it signifies the change of a plot, usually it roles in the background after a plot change,' explained Charles.126

'Don't be davt, zats juzt a common myv. Zir Eric had it inztalled to cveep out zee guezt. But frankly iz ztupid, and givez me zee villiez. Tumbleveedz rolling around airzipz? It izn't natural!' declared Baldwin.127

'Common myth? Pah! It's not common myth, it happens all the time. I seen it!' raved Charles.128

'You zeen it eh? Ven vas zee lazt time you zeen it?' asked Baldwin sceptically.129

'Ah... Well... About a minute ago.'130

'And before zat?'131

Charles looked embarrassed. 'Erm... Never?'132

Exactly, zo zut up about your ztupid tumbleveedz meaning plot changez and vollow me.' With a finaly haughty glare at Charles he turned and waddled off down the hall.133

Charles looked at John and whispered, 'I still think it was a plot change,' so saying he strode off after Baldwin, who had started talking about various features of the blimp again.134

John shook his head and smiled, he decided that he really like Charles, a bit odd, but very amusing. He followed them down the hall. Listening with interest as Baldwin rattled on about this and that.135

'You have got to be kidding me,' muttered Pete with in a mixture of awe and sarcasm.136

'I kid you not. Come, I'll show you my collection,' said Sir Eric, pride obvious in his voice.137

They stepped out of the elevator, and Pete stared around the room.138

The three floors had been converted into one massive room, lined with racks, and on these racks, and the floor, and wherever they fit, were bathtubs. Thousands upon thousands of bathtubs. Almost every shape, and size, imaginable.139

'I've been collecting bathtubs for thirty four years now. I have ones like the; Teresa Kimberly Jennifer Alison Teresa Maria Ash-Willow-Heart Poæ edition by Soakurselfwet, one of the greatest bathtub makers ever. I also have a rare Pawdawaternow tub,' rambled Sir Eric as he walked quickly down the avenue of tubs. 'I was only missing one tub, a very rare one, there were only ever two made, and one sadly got destroyed in a fire, twenty one years ago. Leaving but one, that was fitted on a shipt, a very special ship, that alas, disappeared at sea. But I didn't think it was destroyed so for the past twenty years I have been searching for it.'140

Pete was getting a nasty feeling that he knew what Sir Eric was talking about.141

They arrived at a set of stairs by the wall, around the middle of the room, a couple of stories above them, was a platform.142

Sir Eric started climbing the stairs, taking them two at a time. 'I don't know why I didn't get these stairs built twice as far apart, I only ever take them two at a time,' mused Sir Eric.143

' 'Cause if you did them twice as far apart, you'd still want to take them two at a time.'144

'It was a rhetorical question,' growled Sir Eric, 'You know, the type which aren't supposed to be answered.145

'Boy, what a job it'd be taking these steps four at a time,' muttered Pete, ignoring Sir Eric's comment.146

They reached the platform. Sir Eric lead him to the edge. 'Behold!' he declared, waving his hand toward a bathtub perched in the middle of the room, on top a large pedestal. 'The last of the Bumtrinket's!'147

Pete reached the edge of the platform, and stared at the tub on the pedestal. His face reddened as he said slowly, and with growing volume, 'You. Stole. My. Bootle!'148

'Your? I do believe you stole it, which makes it not yours, but to the owner of the HMS Sambrine, and I'm sure you know what HMS stands for.'149

'My Bootle!' thundered Pete. 'If the King wanted his tub back, he could have come and got it years ago! But he didn't so it's mine!150

'Well, it's mine now,' said Sir Eric flatly.151

Pete glared at him. 'What is to stop me from taking it back?' he asked threateningly.152

'Oh, this and that, firstly: How do you plan on getting back down into the water once you have it? Secondly: See those little holes in the wall? Out side each hole, is a gunner, and they will all shoot you if you so much as lay a finger on me. Thirdly: I'm just too nice a guy for you to kill.'153

'I am so going to hurt you in painful ways,' growled Pete.154

'Oh come now, don't be like that.' He smiled charmingly at Pete. 'Now, I'm sure the others have finished their tour by now, and you would all like to catch up.' 155

Pete glared at him some more, but remained silent.156

Sir Eric turned and swiftly walked over to the stairs, and down them. Pete following close behind him, with murder in his eyes.157

They reached the elevator in silence, and Sir Eric pressed the button, the doors slid open.158

Pete was disappointed to see two guards standing in there.159

Sir Eric wasn't quite that dumb, he'd realised that Pete would be pretty cheesed off with him once he found out about Bootle, and the lift being unprotected by external forces, he'd gotten guards in there to keep himself safe.160

They stepped into the lift, and the doors shut.161

The tension in the air was almost dense enough to cut with a knife, not just any knife though, you had to get one of those fancy ones with ones with all the little gadgets on them, the Cheese Leggy ones.162

To try break the tension, one of the guard decided to start a bit of conversation.163

'Lovely day toda-' 164

Thunk!165

He slumped to the floor unconscious.166

Pete stood scowling behind him, his fist looking somewhat red.167

'Wha-?' started the second guard.168

'Don't, unless want to join him,' said Sir Eric. Wishing he'd gotten a few more guards.169

The elevator came to a stop, the doors opened, and Sir Eric stepped out quickly.170

Pete stood heavily on the fallen guard, instead of over him as he followed Sir Eric out of the lift.171

Sir Eric strode into his main office, on reaching the desk, he hit a button on the desk. 'Baldwin, bring the others here at once.' He sat down in his chair, and indicated for Pete to do the same, that was before he realised that Pete was already sitting.172

Two minutes of deafening silence later, the door opened and Baldwin, Charles, and John entered.173

'Ahh, there you are, take these gentlemen to their quarters, give them the deluxe suite will you.'174

'All in von room?' asked Baldwin sceptically.175

'Yes, that's what I said isn't it?' snapped Sir Eric.176

'Yez Zir,' replied Baldwin curtly. To Pete, Charles and John, he said, 'Follow me pleaze.'177

Pete stood up, and giving Sir Eric one final glare, strode after the retreating figures of the others.