A Prayer for Today (12 March 08)

God, you are so good.1

I forget that a lot, you see, and I have to remember that, especially when I'm in these emotional lows. When I remember you, I forget myself, which means I realize how stupid my little problems and emotions are--and more imporatntly, how you are so much greater than ALL of them combined: how you sweep up all my problems. Its...its just beautiful. i wish more people would see it. 2

I do have a problem though. I know its a foolish one (all of mine are). Its one I can't quite describe. I think its the problem of romantic deception. Its somethign Satan loves to torment me with. Thou I have everything I could possibly need, Satan tries to tempt me with love...that I need to be needed by some man...to be swept off my feet in some romantic faerie tale, held tight and whispered to. But I need to run away from those. Its nott hat they're bad dreams, but when they replace my only love, my Savior, there's the problem. Or almost as bad, when I know that it will not end well, but I want somethign rather than nothing. 3

There's a lot I could say about that, about being able to see how High School romance ends after montsh, about how boys are total fools who ask out girls at their leisure, just wanting arm candy (and I haven't even had to learn that out the hard way!), and about how sick and perverse some people are. They annoy me, disgust me, and at the same time, I'm tempted by worldly desire. Its a little thing called curiousity. But I've heard a saying...4

Curiousity killed the cat. 5

Honestly, I dont want to be a dead cat. 6

SO I turn to you, God. Fill me. There's this empty piece in my heart that wants romance, wants a man, wants affection...Fill me. I hear you throuhg my emotional chills. "Just wait...I have someone special for you...someone just for you, someone just right. Just wait...he's waiting for you too."7

And I don't want to be swayed from that goal: from my quest and hunt for that right man (I know he'll come if its God's will) and I don't want to think about some cheap High school romance. So God, why do you allow me to be trapped in a world of artificiality, one where I WANT to ocnform and I want to be "hooked up". Whne I have my senses, I realize that I don't want any such hooking up. There's no one worth getting hooked up with. 8

But its like I don't want to do what I know is right...like I want to taste the pain of screwing up...and God, I dont get it at all. 9

That's why I need you (I'll fall if you don't lift me up). I NEED YOU! I forget it so quickly because I can't see you, I can't touch you, I can't bury myself in you. ANd at times, the Bible seems unfeeling and cold and written for such a braod audience. Not me, your adopted child. But I know better, deep down. I just need you to keep that fire within me. I NEED YOU, I can do NOTHING. 10

...11

Don't let me ever forget.12

With all the love I can muster,13

ME.