Amalthia

Long ago, in the time when King Hamurabi wrote his great code, there was war and uncertainty. In the lands far to the south then called Kquevara there raged a bloody turmoil that could not be quelled. A blood feud that ripped through the nation like a plague. Homes were ransacked in the middle of the night, and women and children were plucked from their beds. Sons were slaughtered in the streets while fathers committed acts of rape and savagery across the cities and towns. 1

The great gods of the sky saw the fires upon the land from their great palace in the sky. The burning flesh rose to their nostrils like a most unpleasant incense. Finally hearing the prayers and lamentations of the children, the great god emperor himself, stepped through the eternal rift and touched down on the earth. Garrok the great father of the gods was a wondrous sight to behold. His foot was larger than the width of the Tigris and his arms carried a span wider than the Gobe desert. His white hair was as thick as golden honey, and his face was cracked and torn from the abuse of time.2

With one motion of his arm he called forth the legions of hell to vanquish every human; the good along with the wicked. He brought his staff down upon the hills and they cracked with a loud groan. From that fissure sprang forth the most grotesque creatures imaginable. Their skin was like ash and their eyes were filled with the pith of ebony and jade. Their teeth were sharp and crooked, and their hands and feet were shackled with the chains of the damned. Without warning they descended upon the sinners and slaughtered them like insects.3

After the towns and cities of Kquevera were decimated Garrok called forth his children to help him judge the souls of the fallen. First from the sky was his daughter Io, the goddess of earth and of life. Her hair was like a weeping willow, and her body like a sturdy oak. She held all seventy of her children in her massive, branch like arms, and her face was as tough and worn as the desert sands. Next from the rift was Ganamede, the god of judgment and fire. His crimson hair was rich and thick like blood, and his body was aflame like a torch. He held a mighty axe in his left hand and the hammer of judgment in the other; his face was stern and unforgiving like the sun upon a weary traveler.4

After him came his sister Europa, the goddess of ice and wisdom. Her loins were covered in a long skirt the texture of a blanket of fallen snow, and her breasts were covered by a corset of gelid ice. Her hair was a misty blue like the Pogonip fog, and her skin was like the azul shoals of the northern seas. Next was Callisto, the god of the wind and of fate. His body was green and wispy like the fertile silt wind, and his hair was the color of the sea after a storm. His fingers were adorned with tiny castanets that played a harmonious sonata whenever he moved his hands. Finally came little Amalthia, the goddess of love and compassion. Her cheeks were a rosy pink and her smile could melt even the hardest of hearts. Her hair was a warm, golden yellow, and pieces of shiny glass and gems were weaved within it.5

Garrok called his children to order with a wave of his hand. “I have brought you all here to help me decide what to do with these humans who have caused this land so much grief. You all must pass judgment upon their lives.” Hotheaded Ganamede was the first to speak. “Send these sinners to hell; they deserve no mercy from their crimes. Destroy them and set an example to the others.” Io shook her head and a tumult of leaves came down. “No we must not send them all to hell, they knew no better. They have no guide to tell them right from wrong. Send them to heaven so that they may be at peace.”6

At that Callisto laughed mockingly. “Let these mortals think on their crimes awhile. Let them wander the earth; thirsty but unable to drink, hungry but unable to silence that hunger.” Europa shivered and held her alluring body. “No, bring them back to life.” She said. “Let them try again to lead a prosperous life.” The gods continued with the course of discussion, each arguing that there way was the best. They yelled so loud and so often that the sky overhead erupted in a furious squall. Finally Garrok slammed his staff down. “If none of you can come to a consensus than perhaps mankind was a mistake. Perhaps I should send my great wolves to devour the world.” At this the gods began to argue again even louder and fiercer. Then Amalthia spoke. “Quiet! Brothers and sisters you shame yourselves! Let us meet with some of these souls to discern their intentions; only then can we make a proper decision.” Upon that they all agreed and two women were called forth. They were twin sisters and loyal followers of the gods. One was named Ester and was as bright as the northern star. The other was Ruin and she was as sullen as the barren wasteland. “Now,” Amalthia said. “what shall be the fate of you and your people?”7

“Send us on to heaven.” Ester pleaded. “We deserve to live in eternal happiness. Many of us were your loyal servants.” “No!” Ruin shouted. “Send us all to hell. We do not deserve your mercy. We have caused our own demise.” Then the gods looked at each other with puzzled expressions. “What should we do?” they asked. “We can not send them to hell,” Io cried. “many of them were our loyal servants.” “We can not send them to heaven,” Ganamede bellowed. “many have sated themselves on the blood of their dead.” Europa shook her head. “We can not let them wander the earth lest they curse the living.” “And we can not restore them to life lest they curse the memory of the dead.” Grunted Callisto. They puzzled upon this for a long, arduous time. 8

Then Amalthia spoke once again. “My brothers and sisters it is simple. If they can not live in hell, nor in heaven, and they can not remain on earth or be brought back to life, then where shall they dwell? What home shall store them? It is simple; we shall keep them in the only vessel vast enough to hold an entire race, yet small enough to remain unnoticed by the rest of the world. We shall keep them within the human heart.” The other gods raised their brows in confusion. “Go on little sister.” Io mused. “You Ester and all of the loyal followers of the gods shall become creatures of light. We shall endow you with wings of brilliant illumination and we shall give your people hair in every color of the rainbow.” “And you Ruin.” Amalthia said turning to the other sister. “You and the sinners shall become creatures of darkness. We shall give you wings like the bat and your people shall have hair as black as the abyss that you have escaped.”9

Amalthia turned to the other gods and smiled. “You see they shall all dwell within the human heart. Every person shall have a creature of darkness and a creature of light. The creature of light will remind the humans of their vows of virtues and always guide them in the way of the gods. The creature of darkness will tempt the humans to do evil things and lead them toward the path of destruction. In this way we will never have this dilemma again, for no human will be able to deny which creature he has chosen to listen to.” Garrok rubbed his chin in thought than erupted in laughter. “My dear Amalthia you are truly the wisest of us all! So let this thing be done so that justice may be served.” And with a wave of his staff the souls of the dead transformed and flew out in search of human hearts.10

And that is how the first fairies were created. Their offspring dwell within the hearts of man even to this day. And when a person dies the fairies leave the heart and fly to find another. And that is the only way in which humans can ever hope to see them.11

Author notes

I do not like ice cream. I guess I'm just weird like that.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • gezza gold member
    June 28, 2008

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    OK... I always give an editorial style critique, expecting the same for any of my work. I don't believe in blithe impressions - they add no value to being in this site - after all, the purpose is to grow and learn.

    The style and "feel" of the work is nice and consistent - using almost a biblical commentary, or similar. Tolkien used a similar style in The Silmarillion, particularly the early parts.

    I agree with Mazzon that mixing real myth with self-made myth doesn't work - it appears - and is - amateurish. While the subject matter is "fantastic", it's focus on the myth-style places it in a pretty narrow subgenre - a tough one to do real well.

    Again I am in accord with Mazzon regarding fairies - I think it is important to register well-entrenched symbols well into a story, or else readers will get confused, or at least get jarred when reading the narrative. I think a better substitute was needed.

    Now the editing bits (I mix stuff that is self-evident with opinion - not distinguishing them):

    Para 1 - Not sure one can "rage" a "turmoil" - sounds clumsy to me, although I will concede that it does make the phrase sound "old speak" - while common, I think "conflict" or a synonym of it would be a lot better. "Homes were..." sentence doesn't need a comma - grammatically useless. "across the cities and towns" is a little superfluous - an earlier sentence discussed the problem occuring in the "nation", and the immediate preceding sentence chose not to make the qualification.

    Para 2 - Poor style to repeat words in the same sentence, or adjacent sentences, if one can help it - you use the word "sky" twice in the first sentence. "a most unpleasant incense" doesn't evoke much - what smell is it really? "touched down" - a spaceman? - not a good pair of words compared to the style you chose - quite successfully - throughout the short. "abuse of time" is a bit unclear - is time capable of abusing a god - and the emperor of gods at that - or were you referring simply to his age - "abuse" either way just doesn't work. Similarly, just can't fathom how a face can get "torn" by the process of time.

    Para 3 - cracks don't groan. Given there are hills (plural) cracking, does it make sense to have only one fissure? You mention skin like ash - but I presume their skin colour was like ash - otherwise their skin would fall off - if you wanted it to be a simile instead of a metaphor it would be better to say "ashen skin". "Pith" is a great word but doesn't work here - you are trying to overwork nouns - "pith" at best for your purposes is the inside of a particular plant type - or metaphorically the inner part of something - doesn't make sense at all for ebony or jade. While I can (sort of) imagine loosely shackled demons slaughtering humans, it is rather contradictory, especially when their hands and feet are shackled.

    Para 4 - Hair like a weeping willow - again overuse of metaphor - I understand what you're trying to evoke but the words are a bit clumsy - you need to home it in a bit - "Her hair flowed like a weeping willow's..." You used two, consistent tree metaphors which in itself is great, but then you mixed it with desert sands - just didn't work at all - again, overuse. I would have separate paras for each child - so Gannymede should be separated from this para. Gannymede's description was good.

    Para 5 - Corsets aren't for the breasts - they're there to shape the body. "Gelid" - this isn't the place for the word - to start with, it is almost like saying "icy ice" - ie a tautology. Also, whose trying to impress who - we all own thesaurus' - who's the audience for this story? Same point about separating children into paras. Silt winds - hmm - pushing that one - silt is normally associated with water - would someone reading this really know what you're getting at without breaking the flow of your narrative? Castanets are quite specific - not possible to operate them on fingers - if they were "castanet-like" or whatever, it would be ok. "Sonata" is passable, but I think you're trying too hard to find unique similes.

    Para 6 - Basic rule - different dialogues don't share the same para. "no mercy from their crimes" should be "for their...".

    Para 7 - "silence that hunger" - overuse of simile. "Europa shivered and held her alluring body" - held it where or in what form? - incomplete and meaningless sentence. Incorrect grammar for "...ack to life.” She said..." - it should be "...to life," she said. "that there way" - should be "their". Not sure - "to a consensus" could possibly read better as "come to consensus"."was as bright as the northern star" - sounds pretty but what does it really mean?

    Para 8 - "“many" should be capitalised.

    Para 9 - "What home shall store them?" - store sounds clumsy and doesn't really make sense - and it is begging the solution Amalthia makes later in the story.


  • Asfand
    May 24, 2008

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    I think this is one of the most direct execution of any story I have read on story-write. I absolutely adore this. Your sense of description, imagination and your ability to create an age of mythology is impeccable.

    I loved the story in itself. The very idea seems to be very sweet, imaginative and I guess I have no criticism, except that take into account the ease of the reader.

    Whenever you start a quotation and or end it. Use another paragraph.

    Excellent job!


  • MoonRoseWolf gold member
    March 13, 2008

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    I really liked this story. Your imagery was very vivid, and I loved your descriptions of all the Gods. I also liked how not only did you make faery's light as well as dark, but you also used them to explain the human soul, almost.
    Well done, and good luck in my contest!

  • Mazzon
    March 13, 2008

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    I'm personally not really a fan of self-made mythology using names from real mythology, but it's so commonly done I'm probably alone in that.
    The last paragraph caught me by surprise. Fairies?!? Sure, the idea of everyone having a pair of sort of advisory presences in them, one of light and one of darkness, is a familiar one, but this is the first time I've heard that sort of things being called fairies.

    . Rewarded 8


  • dustbunni3
    March 12, 2008

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    Your description and imagination is amazing! I could never conjure up something as fantastical as this, which is why I praise you. I felt like I was reading a story out of a mythology book, and I love mythology. The part about the dark fairy and the light one truly explains human nature in such an artistic way.. I have no idea if this is an English grammer rule, but aren't you supposed to indent a new paragraph after each quote from a character? I always thought that's how it's supposed to be. Maybe I'm wrong? It sometimes becomes confusing.. Anyway, you have some wonderful and belivable ideas.. I read about mythology similar to this in my humanities class this year... The time of which humans destroyed the Earth and became evil.. Very brilliant indeed.. Good luck in the contest
    Ana


  • FantasyFable
    March 11, 2008

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    Wow!! you were right!! competition indeed, well done my friend for a remarkable write!!

    I enjoyed the descriptions, and I love the thought of them coming out of the ground that bit was great!!

    Well done and good luck!!

    Cathy
    (CRYSTAL ENCHANTRESS!)

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