What I Think About

I'm sitting here now, talking to several people on MSN, and I just can't help but think of how udderly awesome cows are (ZING). I had previously known that cows can be pretty cool, except for the most obvious tipping-over issue, but I had not, until just this moment, realized the extent of their coolness.1

Cows are damn cool; there's no viable deniability of this that could make me think otherwise. From just ONE cow, you could eat like a king for weeks. Not only do they serve as lawnmowers, but they are just big hamburgers. We all know how cool hamburgers can be. When you squeeze their Anna Nicole Smith-esque nipples, you even get milk. I'm pretty sure that we've all heard that milk does the body good.2

Tangent 1 - I bet you didn't even know that if you paint the grass brown, and make a cow eat it, you'll get chocolate milk. It's a little-known secret of the people of southern Hershey, PA. Other people may try to mix things together inside the cow - namely, the stuff coming from the udder, and the stuff coming from the rear - to make you THINK it's chocolate milk, but I assure you that it isn't. If some dude comes up to you shaking a cow around, the first thing you should do is run, since cows are heavy and he's obviously a freak. The second thing you should do is not believe him. If you've had this happen to you before, then you know that REAL chocolate milk doesn't taste gritty like that shit (pardon the crudeness) does.3

Tangent 2 - Speaking of Anna Nicole Smith, have any of you seen that beached whale lately? I mean it's like she injected some ice cream in her, then washed it down with Botox. She does not look good. I can't even believe people liked her. At least Britney can look forward to something besides bukkake shows in Thailand in ten years.4

Tangent 3 - Tangents one and two could feasibly make a line, given if my thought was a perfect circle. However, I assure you that it is not.5

Back to the cows. I would marry a cow, if the government would have it. The world would fall to our combined strengths. I'm not even kidding with this. Cows could control the world if they wanted to. That's not even a question, just a statement. They have the perfect camouflage, given if they wanted to take on a group of people in snow, or in the dark. I wouldn't be opposed to a new religion, a belief in a devine being (bovine, mostly).6

Main focus: I was thinking about all of this during my Foundations of Art class. There are two different classes within this one class: Foundations of Art, and Advance Art. They double-scheduled two classes in the same block, so I have to sit in there with a whole bunch of freshmen and only two seniors.7

Tangent 4 - One of the girls in said class is an exchange student from Japan. She's really nice. She speaks english really good, but when she talks in japanese, she sounds like the japanese voice actor in Excel Saga - that is, she sounds hot.8

Freshmen suck. This is no lie, they really do suck. They have no work ethic, and I just want to bitch-slap them and tell them to stop acting out. They all look at me because I'm the only male in the class, let alone one of three seniors in a group of 30. I'm outnumbered. I need to switch this class with Pottery. That class would have just as many underclassmen, I'm aware of that; but at least it would be easier on me.9

Tangent 5 - The freshman that sits next to me is pretty hot; that is, she would be hot to someone who finds goth girls that are tanned appealing. I'm not one to rob the cradle on this, but I highly doubt she's 14. Maybe more around my age, and just stupid/lazy.  Besides, I have a girlfriend.  She'd kill me if I robed anything.  Especialy the cradle.10

All of my classes are easy this year. I have the hardest teachers, but I don't understand why people complain about them. So far they are all cool. I just wish I had passed everything in the fourth quarter of last year so I could get "senior privileges." I'll do my best this year to maintain a perfect GPA, and hopefully not have to go to school so much. That's a benefit of senior privileges.11

I wonder, is this too long? Maybe next time I'll say something outrageous, something that doesn't make sense at all.12