Beauty

Standing in front of the mirror with two bulky jumpers in her hand, Tiffany sighed. She was still stood there, looking at each jumper in turn trying to make a decision which one would cover her best, when her mum called her for breakfast. "TIFF HERE'S YOUR TOAST" her mum shouted up the stairs. 1

She put the jumpers down on the bed (The blue one) she thought as she walked out of her room. Halfway down the stairs she stopped an looked in the mirror at the bottom, God she hated that mirror, she really could lose some weight, regarding herself with shame, then, deciding she didn't want breakfast after all she ran back up to her room...2

About ten minutes later she left for the bus to school, walking down to the bus stop at the bottom of her street. To her relief there was noone there, good she thought, she had a few more minutes before it started... When the bus arrived Tiffany got on, paid her fare and went towards her usual seat, at the back alone. The eyes (God she hated those eyes) of her fellow students followed her progress up the bus, she could feel them crawling over every inch of her ugly (so ugly!) body. Before she had even got to her seat the whispering had started, the darting looks, keeping her head low she sat down for the journey...3

This was Tiffany's life, she hated herself all over. The appearance, the curves of her body the pudgy stomach it was all disgusting (so so ugly!). She would get on the bus in the mornings and then the stares would come, followed by the whispers and the concern... surely this girl couldn't be healthy.... go to her lessons again followed by stares in the corridors. Today it would be worse...4

She got off the bus and her two friends Sally and Michelle ran over to her giggling like always. "Hey Tiff you..." Sally paused and her smile faded, "You ermm ok?" 5

"Fine ... I'm just fine" she answered feeling ashamed (Why is she staring?).6

She looked over at Michelle, she wasn't smiling either instead she was avoiding her gaze. "I... have to get to class you guys I-I'll speak to you later" and she began to walk away leaving Michelle and Sally watching her flushed neck as she rushed off. 7

She was the first to get to her English classroom as the bell rang she could see her teacher Mr. Hall sat at his desk. He looked up as she walked in; "Hey Tiffany you ok?" 8

"I'M FINE" she said a bit too forcefully and walked to her seat, again near the back. God... why did everyone keep asking her if she was ok? She couldn't help being so ugly, her teacher put his head down and avoided her gaze as many others so often did when they saw her coming. He didn't look up again until everyone had arrived and he began the lesson. 9

She got through most of her lessons that morning and then it got to the time she always dreaded most... lunch. She left her maths room and walked towards the canteen, she got halfway through the door and saw all the stares again, that horrible feeling of the eyes crawling all over her skin, judging her for being so fat (ugly!). Why couldn't she be like them, look like them, laugh with them? That's all she wanted... deciding she could skip lunch too she ran from the canteen, she slipped and hit her face and her nose started gushing... God why did she bleed so goddamned easily? People jumped up from their tables and ran over "Are you ok?" one asked looking at her with those eyes so full of concern (Ugly so so ugly!) 10

"I'M FINE!!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! ALL OF YOU!" Tiffany screamed and then, tears mingling with the blood on her lips and jumper, she ran to the toilets. She found herself again stood by a mirror, her tear filled eyes blurring her reflection but the ugliness still showed through, she heard people coming and ran into a cubicle. Getting some tissue for her nose she stopped and listened as Sally and Michelle's concerned, hushed voices peirced the air. "Did you see Tiff earlier, God she looks... terrible" said Sally. 11

"I saw alright, she's getting worse." Answered Michelle.12

"What can we do?" Sally asked seemingly to the air as she paced. 13

"If she stays that size... she could d-d-die.." and Michelle promptly began to sob. 14

Tiffany sat in the cubicle listening to this conversation and, once her friends (Not my friends, they are against me, everyone is against me!) left the toilet she left the cubicle, hurried down the empty corridor and decided to walk home...15

The 20 minute walk home was like hell... the stares, those eyes, God everyone has the same eyes... they crawled over her skin making her feel dirty, unclean and ugly (so so ugly!).16

She got home to an empty house, her mum and dad were at work and not due back for at least an hour or two... that was good... she had time to do it. She walked into the hall and put her coat and bag down then walked over to the sofa and put on the tv... she didn't want food, God no. Looking the way she did and the way others looked at her that was the last thing she needed. She thought back to what had happened at school, those worried stares and, what hurt most of all, her friends talking about her in the toilets. She stood up, angry, upset and ran towards her room... in a blind rage she picked up an ornament and threw it at the mirror on the stairs... God she hated that mirror, hated her parents for putting it there. She picked up a shard of broken glass and decided what she was going to do... 17

Her mum being the first to finish work arrived home at four o'clock, she walked into the house and saw her daughter's bag on the floor... strange she thought, she's not due home yet. "TIFFANY?" she shouted up the stairs as she walked in to the hallway. The TV was on. She saw the ornament on the floor, the broken glass and the blood... "TIFFANY!!!" she shouted running up the stairs... her bedroom door was ajar and her mum pushed it open. The blood, oh God the blood her daughter's body lay by her smashed mirror her wrists and throat sliced with the shards of glass she lay upon. There was a peice of paper next to her, her mum, hands shaking, picked it up and read.18

DEAR MUM AND DAD,19

WHEN YOU GET HOME IT WILL BE OVER FOR ME. PLEASE DON'T CRY FOR ME BECAUSE I HAVE CRIED ENOUGH FOR MYSELF. I HOPE WHEN YOU READ THIS YOU WILL FORGIVE ME... I'M SORRY FOR BEING SO UGLY SO... FAT AND DISGUSTING. I HOPE WHEN I DIE I WILL RELEASE YOU AND MYSELF FROM THE PAIN I FEEL WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR. I LOVE YOU X 20

The funeral was four weeks later... the police had investigated and deemed it as suicide. The coffin was carried in to the church by two men, just two. The service was conducted her friends were there sitting near the front in despair. They missed her so much she was such a confused girl. She could have been beautiful. Another girl was there, noone saw her though... she watched Tiffany in school, longed to talk to someone who was like herself. As the service ended and her coffin covered by a curtain ready for cremation, the other girl got up from her seat, at the back of course, and left...21

"Her coffin was so light" Said her father to his wife after the service. 22

"I wish we could have made her eat" she answered, "She was just so so thin"23

"There's nothing we could have done to get her to eat more she was anorexic she would have just thrown it up again".24

"I know but we should have t-t-tried... God I wish we'd tried".25

When it came time to scatter her ashes her mum read the words of a song. It went like this;26

I'm on the verge of self destruction 27

Suffering because of my selfish vices 28

I'm on the verge of self destruction 29

Suffering because I gave up on myself and everyone 30

Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh31

Poor unfortunate child,32

I can't stop running away.33

No food for weeks I've never felt better 34

We look better famished girl 35

Hightail to our lush escape, 36

And leave our filthy world away 37

Song lyrics taken from World War Me - From First to Last38