The year is 1900's, Victorian Era. My dress is full of grandeur, with my hair spun with lace. Hands smooth as butter, face soft as a rose petal. My eyes are on all that there is.1
I am in the garden collecting flowers and vegetables for the evenings meal. White gloves on my hands, with a big hat of straw upon my head. Kneeling down in the dirt feeling the rich brown earth. Smelling the sweet fragrance of many flowers. Reaching out for fruits from the ground.2
Hills and hills, I see many hills of land. Open spaces with many trees, as I glance across the garden. The sky seems the same as now, now being 2008, I have not displaced myself.3
Then I go back again. I see a big white dog named Sandy, with a cat , calico, named Ed.4
The cook comes out to ask, "What shall I prepare for dinner tonight?"5
With a bit of sweat on my brow, I lift the brim of the straw hat and reply, " Lets eat light, I have greens here from the garden, tomatoes, turnips, no meat tonight. Oh, this is intended to leave room for the fresh strawberry pie. I have a fresh basket of strawberries I picked this morning."6
I remove the straw hat, go to the pump for some water. While pumping I see a horse with a man , dark hair, long legs, with a smile approaching. I push back my curls and shelter my eyes from the sun with my hands. 7
"Hello," he yells out to me, and with an instant I feel a smile upon my face. My eyes seem to twinkle at his presence, my husband of course, Anthony.8
We enjoyed our light dinner, especially dessert. the strawberries were immensely wonderful, with fresh whipping cream upon the top. In silver cups we shared a strong tea. Lumps of sugar in a lovely shapely silver container, with a crystal spoon. The evening was grand.9
The night was upon us, so one by one, I helped Nora, our help, put out the oil burning lamps. Shadows of many days to come flashed before me, sending me to strange times within my mind, which I felt then, could not be.But now I know it was real, for here I am in those very days that were witnin my mind in the 1900's.10
Looking back, I still feel the presence of my past. Yet I welcome my now, and look forward to the next new world I will be apart of.11
Dreams are real, as are our feelings of life from long ago.12
By Kimberlee Jones
(Pruedence)
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hello.
This is a very graphic rich descriptive write. Not just graphic but it presents smells, ambience, taste, really does cater for the senses. The whole presentation is alive and brimming. To me it reads like the lady is commenting on her past life. Oh, in the third stanza, should it be "glance" instead of "glace"? Thought I would ask in case you missed that. Either way, an expressive write.
My regards.
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Thank you! I did go and change it to "glance," I wrote it a while back in the story section , so I don't check on it as often as the poetry section. I am glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for a nice comment
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nice!
The description of this is amazing. I can feel, smell, and taste everything you've written. As if I'm in the past with this girl in the garden. Pretty cool how good you are at that. There are a few things that definitely could be less wordy, but all in all it's a wonderful short story. :] You need to post more! ^_^ Your work is fantastic. :]
-Lily ♥
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I like this. There's a few places where commas can be used in place of periods (mainly when you're describing our main character's actions in the garden) but you have a great way of describing a scene.
Just a note on dialogue. I usually find that dialogue comes into a new paragraph, mostly because speaking isn't usually part of the original paragraph. (Of course, if you're continuing action with she said, [dialogue here] then that it right.) You also have a, reply, 'text here.] If you're doing that, make sure the dialogue is capitolized.
Keep up the good work. Hope my comments help. : )
~ Kody -
Wow, really good concepts and all. I liked the theme of moving on even and looking forward to the taste of the strawberry pie in the past, future and present. Also, great descriptions (strawberry pie hehe)!
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