"Since when does the notion "true love" in high school life exist? "1
I am purely not being sarcastic when I quoted those two words - merely quoting them with humor in a good manner, per se.2
In my school, there are a lot of couples. It's as if the waves that cupid had released crashed on some random people of both genders and next thing, you know, they are holding hands, hugging each other and pecking each other on the cheek or . . .3
. . . you get the point, don't you?4
Also, I know it's new to read Cupid using Poseidon's possession as his/her weapon/s but come on, bow and arrows is so cliché and whatnot.5
Back to the topic . . .6
Then they say those three dreadful words (dreadful as in it triggers commitment which is quite a big, no, gigantic step not as in it creates complicated danger . . . maybe so but we will get there):7
"I love you."8
Yet again, not being sarcastic but this time no humor, I just quoted that to give emphasis to the true bold meaning behind those words.9
Anyway, those three words were said out from their blabbering mouths as if they were simple like the common three words that we, people, say to each other in new beginnings: My name is . . .10
"I love you." is a phrase that is said also in a new beginning . . .11
. . . if you are ready for it and don't think it is that simple to try commitment. You shouldn't even try, you should do it.12
Now this is where I debate (complain, perhaps) about how did true love grow. Like, is it even true love that grew between them? And whatsoever. Let's see . . .13
I have a lot of guy friends (and no, I did not go out with them if you initially thought of that) and so, I think I wouldn't mind starting to commence a tale of their love life.14
Bob Rider (a screen name that I invented so if you know one then whoa, the screen name that I had invented had became a real name. Touché) is one of the good guy friends I know (not that I have bad guy friends, naughty ones could be enumerated, though but not right now).15
He is a good guy because he helps his classmates in their school works and never cheats. He actually says simple yet meaningful words to strike a kick to your conscience if you ever cheated.16
Main point, he is a good guy. Now, here's the main point about his love life.17
He fell in love with Elaine Thou (I love that screen name. I must use it one day and here's a note: All names mentioned here are screen names).18
Weirdly, at Elaine's birthday party, he bend down on his knees and made a proposal.19
No, not the "Will you marry me?" kind of proposal. They were absolutely young (Thank the Goddess of Common Sense, if ever there was one, who actually placed in teenagers' minds that we are actually too young to get married) when that scene happened. Soon, they'll be naive, just wait and see.20
The proposal stated a question, "I love you, will you be my girlfriend?". I cannot believe that happened since he said those while bending down on his knees before Elaine who was sitting on a comfy chair comfortably (obviously) and a lot of their friends, I'm one of them also, watching them.21
By the way, most of those friends had their cellphones and cameras flashing before that outstanding scene. I find it funny but I think it would've been better if he had proposed to her privately. Although, it is still outstanding because I got to say that took guts for a guy like him to do that in public.22
Great, most of them have the potential to become a paparazzi one day. Figures.23
Then Elaine said, "I love you, too and yes." and everyone cheered and the two hugged each other.24
Wonderful bliss but here are my facts:25
1- He just told his feelings to her and she says I love you, too and just agrees to be together with him. Shouldn't you be together after getting to know each other or something?26
2- Referring to the first fact, how did they even fall in love with each other when they didn't know each other well?27
3- Why didn't I barf at the cheesy scene that I find uncanny? Ok, I know it is not related to this case of facts but live with me, here.28
Later on, there were slow dances and the new couple did one of those on the dance floor, of course (oh, how romantic, I think). Let's skip that because I do not feel like typing about how they held each other (Why didn't I barf yet?) and just get on with the irony in this situation.29
Soon, Elaine asked her parents if he can go out with him. How weird is that? It's so messed up, shouldn't the process be like this:30
They get to know each other through dates.31
Of course, Elaine has to ask her parents if she can go out with him.32
With approval, they go out with each other and yes, get to know each other.33
Then they fall in love,34
and they both say their feelings,35
then they become a couple!36
Not simple but it is righteous (to me). But, no, their process was reversed.37
So yeah, wondering what her parents replied?38
They said, they should go out in dates and then, they'll be all right if they are together as a couple.39
Oh my gosh, what was even the point to say that kind of reply? Sure, go on dates and they'll be all right with it, let's see . . .40
. . . that is the same like as in they'll be all right with it since they'll be going in dates, anyway!41
Oh my gosh, has the world really reversed itself? The gravitational pull must have died or something. Don't state if I didn't say that in a scientifically wrong way because I do not know one thing about how can a gravitational pull go wrong and I do not even know why gravitational pull popped in my mind.42
So yeah, those two were in a relationship.43
Weeks later, she breaks up with him.44
Say it with me . . .45
WHAT?!!!46
How insane is that, huh? Her reason was because she's not in love with him anymore. See, how messed up it is? I just want to say that she's not in love with him anymore, she never did fell in love with him.47
But then again, that event happened at sophomore year but still! Don't you think we, teenagers, should have common sense or something? I swear, I wish our school was normal. We don't have lockers, a gym or have sufficient materials for our laboratory assignments.48
Then, of course, Bob was heartbroken and he never got over her for a year.49
Wow, say it with me again . . .50
WHAT?!!!51
Yeah and Junior-Senior promenade came and we were juniors now that time.52
He cried when he didn't dance with her since she was walking away every time he tries to get near to her for a dance.53
Oh my gosh, how emotional can a guy like that be? It's a dance and the girl, how can you be freaked out? It's just a stupid dance, not like you'll die if you touch his hands or something.54
Oh well, they became close friends which should have happen in the beginning, see how messed up the process they've went through? And guess what?55
He fell in love with another girl.56
Now how can you fall in love with another girl when you are not over the first girl you fell in love with yet? Well, he actually got over and soon fell in love with that another girl.57
Falling in love. 58
Is it that really simple to do? Screw the mere simplicity of falling in the dreaded pits of a crazy thing called love! (by the way, A Crazy Thing Called Love is a song by Elvis Presley. The song's all right and McFly, a British band, revived it which is all right, too.)59
Still!60
The irony . . .61
To Be Continued . . .62
Author notes
This is the first story I've submitted in this site so please, go easy on me.
I wouldn't mind wonderful comments and helpful (not hurting) critiques, too.
I apologize if there's a possibility that you dislike (hate) the rants I've typed often between the sentences in the storyline.
It's who I am
Actually, it's also nice if you point some grammatical errors or spelling mistakes I've typed here.
Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed and please, leave some comments and/or critiques.
P.S.
Any questions? Feel free to ask.
P.S.S. (impossible but why not?)
Any suggestions for the title of the series I'm currently typing about?
A contest entry
- Room for Improvement by tallblondie.
450 points, ended June 4, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Stories with a Twist!! by Blackwings.
1200 points, ended March 18, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh! by Cheerful-Panda.
450 points, ended March 24, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest for Everyone! by RegalTheft.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Great Writing Contest - Great Comments by checkmate-.
175 points, ended April 1, 2008, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Any grammatical errors? Do you like this story?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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A grammer/punctuation critique;
(2) 'exist' not 'exists'. Stylistically, you could add 'the notion of' to the sentence;
"Since when does the notion of "true love" in high school life exist?"
(3)"... quoted those two words - just merely quoting them ..." add a hyphen - it lends emphasis to the last part of the sentence
(4) Good imagery used here; "waves that cupid had released crashed on some random people" 'cupid' should be 'Cupid' as it is a name.
(11) Good sense of realism - many of us (especially ones that have outgrown high school) believe that those three words are tossed about without thought to consequence or their true meaning.
(14) The use of 'Like' in the second sentence isn't needed. Though your piece is conversational, 'like' is a colliquialism that belongs away from the written word. eg "Like Dude, you should have seen her, she was like hot"
(32-37) I had to laugh - that's how our parents did it, as well as more conservative youth today. And they should.
Overall, more of a rant than a story - but creative writing does come in all shapes and forms.
Good luck in the contest - remember I am judging on improvements made, not the piece itself.
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This is so awesome!!! You speak the truth in such a bold and nervy way!! And, yes, EVERYTHING you said was true!!! i mean everything. I really enjoyed reading, it made me laugh. The irony and the whole "falling in love" process is hysterical.
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Hehe... This is soooo true. WHile everyone I know is freaking out about love (hey, me included sometimes) when you step back and look at the big picture, you realize most likely you will not even know the person you "love" in ten years. This is very funny! Thanks for entering, good luck, and keep writing!
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Wow... that is so true it almost hurts. Love is such a stupidly overused word by teenagers that it has no real meaning when pretty much anybody uses it. True love and love at first sight are also a load of B.S. Love at literal first sight is not love, that is just lust and it will be doomed to fail quickly. Just get to really know someone before you think about getting involved in a relationship with them.
All I will say about 'true love' is that nearly every time I've had a friend go out with someone and it lasted more than two months, I hear the word true love. The relationship then falls apart and they and up hating each other. True love + time = True hate?
I myself am a hopeless romantic waiting for someone who I can feel that I can truly love (true love and truly love are different in my opinion), yet I will admit to these things. That is saying something.
I applaud your rant on this topic
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Uh.
It's kool n' crap. It's sad, rly. The mind of a teenager so seseptable to whatever someone wants to put into it.
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Ha ha ha ha ha! I love it! And it's so true. I think that what these high school people are mistaking for love is, in reality, lust. However, walking up to a girl and saying "I've fallen in lust in with you, will you go out with me?" is probably a guaranteed slap. Ah, high school... I constantly thank god that I'm out of it and that I survived with (at least most) of my brain in tact. Great rant, great write, and very funny and true.
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This is really good^^
I totally love it (yes, LOVE! xD) And I thought is was pretty funny, mainly because that happenes at my school, too... except, at my school, they are a bit more... intimate... lol.
All in all, I think it was great!
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Great story - great imagery and ohhhhhh so true.. I really enjoyed reading this and it flows nicely
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Hmm, this is more of an opinion, not a story, but it still describes well, it has a lot of meaning to it. It's truthful, big for that, but I want truthful STORIES. Would you like to try a different story?
--RT -
You spelled fall like fell in line 48! (I think) other than that i like it a lot!!! Good Luck!!!
lydsweetiepie <3 -
^.^ I thought it was coolio ^.^ I liked the twist of them breaking up and him falling for another girl whithout knowing them but hey...it happens ^.^ Thank you soooooooooooo very much for your entry and good luck ^.^
~Blackwings <3
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no grammatical errors as far as i can see. but as for liking the story...ehh.
EHHH IT WAS FANTASTIC, EH! hahah. i absolutely loved this rant/story/rantory? i don't know. don't pressure me
this is so true- i mean really, you would think that "i love you" should be saved for, say, actual love, but lustful and swooning teenagers all over the 919 area code calling region and the rest of the US are using them in verrryyy casual conversations to every person they meet. and although i'm glad they're sharing the love...or should i say "fove" for fake love? [genius, i know...]...i think they should wait until, you know, they actually fall in love.
but all in all, i love this story times a million. great start, you had me laughing and sighing and saying "WHAT?!!!" right there with you throughout the entire thing. i can't wait to read more! i'll definitely be looking for the next part.
♥sarah
ps. i wish i could give you more applause, but they only let me use three
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Considering I love a good rant, I REALLY enjoyed this. And I have a short rant of my own. I watch my friends fall in and out of 'love' so constantly I can barely keep track of it. They all say they love each other after a few days, like love is the easiest (for lack of a better word) emotion in the word, like "I love you" no big deal. I can probably count the number of different people I've actually said that to on one hand, while I see people saying to someone different every week. And my friends who are actually looking for love, and who (I think) actually value it in any way, are the ones who get their hearts ripped out because so-&-so doesn't "really" love them back. I think high-school has to be this way though. I think people need to get all this drama out of their systems before they actually do fall in love.
End rant.
-marlee danger-
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This enveloped me, because it was really interesting.
I read through it fast,
and it made me wonder what had happened at your school,
or others schools that had felt the same way about this.
Amazing, rant, you have a talent for writing.
I also think you might want to organize it more? I'm not sure, but yeah.. Good work!
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true true and more TRUE!
this was all the truth, and i also feel EXACTLY like you feel!
what the hell is wrong with young people these days??
[three cheers for hot old people! (steven spielberg, anyone?)]
i found no typos, and i have to say, you are VERY good at writting!
it didn't have to be in story-form, and you still had me entertained the whole time.
and then about the name, it could be 'Wait...What?' or something like that, i would have to read more to judge about that, but over-all, this was very interesting and entertaining!!
-peace
loyda
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I really like it. Great job!!!
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Very nice rant. I can totally relate. High school love is so overrated! However, one issue.
When u mention the part about screen names,i think u shd do it at the end, in the author notes,y'know? That way it won't keep cutting into the story mood.
Fantastic job, though!beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I liked it. It is very good. There are a couple of grammer mistakes but other than that its good.
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Thanks for your entry and good luck!
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