Reality Episode 1 - Crowded (Pilot)

Reality1

Teenage life is hard, that’s common knowledge but it’s harder for some than others. What about those who don’t smoke or drink, what happens to them? Do they crack under the pressure and give in or do they find other ways to get passed those dangerous years? Then what about those who do all these deeds, do they do it for attention or are they just doing what there parents did before them? Last but not least, how do these teenagers react to each other, are they enemies, friends or perhaps they haven’t even spoken a word to each other. All these things are just some of the many obstacles that stand in the way of these young and sometimes naďve teens, now it’s time to see how they really do get passed these burdens.2

Adam, Doug and Josh are all friends, or so they think!3

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Episode 1 - Crowded5

(The song “Goodbye Mr A” by The Hoosiers plays in the background. We see a large building, the sign above it reads “City Shopping Centre”, we now see a boy sitting on a bench and staring out a window. This boy is Josh; he is wearing jeans and a blue T-shirt. He turns around, there is another teenager boy walking towards him, this is Adam.)6

Adam: Let’s go7

(Josh gets up and follows Adam to the lift, they get in and the door shuts, the opening scene ends. We now cut to them walking down a busy street.)8

Adam (Irritated): Jesus Christ, Doug rang me again last night, six times9

(Josh laughs; Adam laughs back and shakes his head.)10

Adam: It’s bordering on obsession11

Josh: Why don’t you just pick up, you know, get it over with?12

Adam: I can’t be bothered, his voice just irritates me (Imitating) Quite this and quite that13

(Josh laughs.)14

Adam: I’m so glad he didn’t come; I swear I would have had a breakdown15

Josh: Ok … let’s just go in here for a minute16

(He points at a games console shop, Adam nods and they walk inside. We cut to a few minutes later; Adam has a game in his hand.)17

Adam (To Josh): Back in a second18

(He walks up to the queue that is leading to the counter. Josh turns towards a stand of games, he starts looking through them. The song “I Luv You” by The Ordinary Boys plays on the radio in the shop. We can hear someone continuously shouting “Hello”. We can tell that this is irritating Josh, he turns around.)19

Josh (Annoyed): What the …20

(We see the boy that was shouting; he is small for his age and has short blond hair. Josh looks at him in horror and surprise.)21

Josh (Surprise): Hi … Doug22

(Josh is speechless; Doug seems overjoyed to see him.)23

Josh: What are you doing here?24

Doug (Smiles): Oh, my parents came, so I thought I’d come too, I knew you were up so I thought I might as well25

Josh: Oh … right26

(Josh turns around to look at Adam, he calls his name and then Adam turns towards the two of them. The minute he sees Doug his face drops, he jumps out of the queue and dashes out of the shop.)27

Doug (Confused): Ok … what’s up with him?28

Josh: … I don’t know, I’ll just check29

(Josh starts to walk towards the door, Doug starts to follow him.)30

Josh: Wait here; I’ll just be a second31

(Doug looks very confused, he stops at the door. Josh goes around the corner and sees a distressed Adam; he is walking around in circles.)32

Adam (Furious): What the fuck?33

Josh: He came with his parents34

Adam: Is he a stalker or something?35

Josh (Shrugs shoulders): I know, I just don’t know ….36

Adam (Interrupts, distressed): Fucking hell, no, were not going with him, screw him and screw his parents37

Josh: Calm down …38

Adam: I won’t fucking … (Sees Doug walking around the corner) Shit39

(Josh quickly turns around and sees a confused Doug.)40

Doug: What’s wrong Adam?41

Adam (Hesitates): … I’m sick42

Doug: Oh … that’s quite crap43

Josh (Looks at Adam): Yeah44

Doug (Curious): What are you gonna do?45

Josh: I dunno46

Doug: Cos I was gonna ask my parents if I could go around with …47

Adam (Interrupts): I think I need to go home48

Josh: What?49

(Adam looks at Josh in desperation.)50

Josh: Oh right, yeah, maybe we’ll take the next bus back51

Doug (Obviously disappointed): Oh … are you sure?52

Josh: We’ll check the times, if there’s one there, we’ll go okay53

Doug: And if not?54

Josh: … we’ll come back55

Doug (Face lights up): Okay, cool56

Adam(To Josh): Let’s go57

Doug (Unhappy): Now!?58

Josh: Yeah, he is sick, see you later maybe?59

Doug: Yeah, yeah, see you later60

(Adam and Josh turn around and start walking through the street, when they get into a crowd they both smile and start running through the people in front of them, the scene ends. We now cut to Adam and Josh stood in a shopping centre, they both looked shocked.)61

Josh: Sick? For fuck sake62

Adam (Insistent): I’m sorry, no, I wasn’t going with him63

Josh: What a stalker, he said he couldn’t come and here he is64

(Adam laughs.)65

Adam (Puts his hand over his mouth): Can’t believe I did that, did it look obvious?66

Josh (Sarcastically): No! Of course it did, he appears and you’re suddenly ill, not suspicious at all. Anyway, are we going home or what?67

Adam: No!68

Josh (Confused): Then what the hell are we gonna do?69

Adam: This is a big city70

Josh: We can’t avoid him all day71

Adam: We can if we don’t go into the city centre72

Josh: What the hell are we gonna do then?73

Adam (Looks around in thought): Walk?74

(Josh looks at Adam and then shakes his head.)75

Josh: Fine76

(They both start laughing, they start walking out of the shopping centre. We now cut to a fast food restaurant in the city centre, Doug is sitting at one of the tables, there is an old woman sitting opposite him. She is staring at him, this is his Gran. Doug looks very irritated.) 77

Gran (Talking slowly): Dougie, did you wash your hair this morning?78

Doug (Rolls eyes): Yes Gran, I did79

Gran: It looks very greasy and untidy, give it a clean there80

Doug: No!81

(Gran looks away and sighs.)82

Gran: Dougie?83

Doug (Annoyed): Yes Gran84

Gran: Will you get me my handbag?85

Doug: Gran, its right beside you86

Gran: Please just get it, your Gran needs her medicine87

Doug (Sighs and picks up the handbag): There Gran88

(There is silence for a minute.)89

Gran: Dougie?90

Doug (Shouts): What Gran?91

Gran: Your not buying more games are you, they are very bad for your eyes and you never go outside anymore92

Doug: Yes Gran, I bought a game93

(Gran tuts.)94

Gran: Why can’t you buy some nice clothes? You look very scruffy these days95

(Doug grunts and then gets up off his chair and charges into the toilets. As he does this his parents walk up to the table and place a tray down on it. They both sit down.)96

Mother (Curious): Where’s Doug?97

Gran: Oh he’s in the toilet, fixing up his hair, Kerry, why don’t you make him shave it all off? It looks very messy98

Kerry(Annoyed): I’m not having you giving me more advice, you meddling …99

Father (Calming tone): Kerry, leave it100

(The Gran smiles cheekily, Kerry gives her husband an angry look and then eats some of her burger, the scene ends. We now cut to Adam and Josh walking down an empty street, it looks very scruffy, there is litter scattered all over the ground and all the houses look run down.)101

Adam: His face when we left, brilliant102

(Josh laughs.)103

Josh: He thinks were coming back, he’ll be waiting104

Adam (Confused): I don’t give a shit, am where the fuck are we?105

Josh: The dodgy part of the city I’m guessing106

(Two girls walk around the corner, they both are wearing scruffy clothes and have bags under there eyes.)107

Josh: Oh great108

Adam: Who cares, they won’t do anything109

(Josh runs to the other side of the street, Adam follows. The girls stop and look over at them.)110

Girl 1 (Desperate): Hey, do you have some cash?111

Adam (Looks the girl up and down): … no112

Girl 2: Please give us some, we need some fags113

(Adam and Josh look at each other in discomfort.)114

Adam: Sorry, we’ve got no money115

(They begin walking again.)116

Girl 2 (Still desperate): Can you just buy us one pack, please117

Girl 1: Please!118

Adam (Shouts): No119

Josh (Quietly): Come on, let’s just go120

Girl 2 (Getting angry): Give us some fucking money121

(Adam pauses.)122

Adam (Outburst): No you fucking … whores123

(Josh looks at him in shock, Adam starts running and Josh follows in a panic. We see them running around the corner. They stop, Josh looks at Adam and shakes his head.)124

Josh (Disbelief): Am what the fuck?125

(Adam just laughs.)126

Josh: What is it with you and outbursts?127

Adam: It was just funny (Continues to laugh) did that just happen?128

(Josh smiles and then shakes his head again. We now cut to them walking down another street, they stop at the corner and Josh puts his head around the wall.)129

Adam: Is he there?130

Josh: I can’t see … (Laughs) Yeah, he’s stood outside the game shop131

(Adam starts laughing.)132

Josh: This is so stupid, let’s just go to him, it will only be for like an hour133

Adam: I’m not going into the centre, not when he’s there134

Josh: I’m not going back up there either135

(Josh looks around again, he starts panicking.)136

Josh: Shit, I think he saw me137

(Adam doesn’t even reply, he starts running back up the street. Josh watches as he does this, he sighs, the scene ends. We now cut to Adam and Josh sitting on a bench, we see a sign, it reads “Bus Station”. The song “Friend of Mine” by Lily Allen plays in the background.)138

Josh: When is the bus?139

Adam: 4:15140

Josh: And what time is now?141

Adam: 3:15142

(Josh huffs.)143

Josh: I can’t believe this happened, it just proves how unlucky we are144

Adam: I know, it’s crazy145

Josh (Changes subject): We’ve got no chance of being in the same class146

Adam: … yeah 147

(Adam pulls a strange face when this class change is mentioned, Josh doesn’t see this.)148

Josh: In a way I’m excited about the new school year, it could be the best149

Adam: I know150

Josh: I’d love to not be on my own in class anymore, it’s so depressing151

(Adam lets out a small laugh.)152

Adam: At least you have Sasha153

(Josh looks at Adam in disgrace.)154

Josh (Sarcastic): Yeah Sasha, the boy who only says “Fuck You” and I can barely understand most of the time, what great company155

(Adam laughs again.)156

Adam: You really do hate your class don’t you?157

Josh: Yep158

Adam: I think mine is okay, it’s the best in the year159

Josh: I know but if were in the same it would be a way better!160

(Josh puts his hands over his head and sighs, Adam pulls the same face again.)161

Josh: One week left, then we’ll find out. It’s so weird you know, we’ve been talking about it since last year162

Adam: I know, its gonna be a weird day163

(There is silence for a minute.)164

Adam (Sighs): What did you think of Brothers and Sisters the other night?165

(The screen starts to fade as they start talking and laughing, the scene ends. We cut to Doug who is still standing outside the same game shop, he is looking at his phone. He sighs. His parents and Gran come walking up to him.)166

Kerry: Were going now, did you see your friends?167

Doug(Lies): …. Yeah, they just left168

(His parents smile and then start walking away, he sighs again and then follows. We now see Adam and Josh getting on a bus, it starts to drive off. We see Doug’s car, we see his Gran muttering something to him, he turns to window and stares out at the sky. We now cut to Josh walking into his house, he sees his mother.)169

Mother: Hi, did you have fun?170

Josh: Yeah, it was good. Doug was there though171

(The song “Where Does the Good Go?” by Tegan and Sara plays in the background. His mother smiles and then leaves the room. His phone starts to vibrate, he takes it out of his pocket and looks at the screen, it reads “Message from Doug”. We cut to Adam looking at his phone, it too reads “Message from Doug”. Adam turns the phone off and walks into his room. Josh opens the message, then the phone rings. He walks over to it and picks it up.)172

Josh: Hello? … Hi Doug … Yeah, we went home … he was really sick173

(The screen fades as Josh talks to Doug on the phone, the scene and the episode end.)

Author notes

So this a new series of mine, firstly the first episode is an introduction to the characters and setup to some stories so the rest of the series I plan on making quite different. Nothing major is meant to happen, its a setup! What I'd like to know is what characters did you like? Did you feel sorry for anyone? Did you not like anyone? Do you think it has potential? All this stuff, just so I know. So PLEASE comment, I love getting peoples views, good or bad!
This is option 3, friendship.
Orange writing on the wall.

A contest entry

Please comment and be truthful!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Valkyrie silver member
    October 30, 2008

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    All righty, so I'm starting at the beginning! It's a little odd, knowing some of what eventually happens to these guys...I guess I was looking for more of an explanation about why Josh and Adam are avoiding Doug. Why is he "stalking" them? I guess since this is just the set up, I'll have to go on to part 2! :


  • B Chandler Greeters member
    October 28, 2008

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    For this to be just the 'first episode', I wouldn't have thought that even though it says "Episode One" at the beginning of this screenplay. Keep it up


  • NinjaJay
    October 6, 2008

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    Hey

    I love it, i think it would make a great show. I think the build up of the plot is great. There is alot of detail in your spoken parts wich is very good. And from a script reading point of view, it is very well thought out and organized. I cant wait to read the next Episode.

  • pauldee2k8
    August 30, 2008

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    Great Start!

    And so we have another teen drama but to me this one is different enough for it to be watchable. It manages to mix comedy with drama which both writers have trouble doing at first the plot is a bit thin as it doesn't really give us an insight at what's to come, but i'm sure the next few episodes will introduce me to more characters and the story will pick up when all the characters are present. For me the my favourite character is Adam, his witty dialog makes him stand out as the core character and i look forward reading the rest of the show. Well Done!

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • toolenduso
    July 7, 2008

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    Hm...wasn't expecting a script, but it works. I liked this...it was a good idea, I think, I especially liked the way you addressed the theme in the introduction. After that, however, I feel it wasn't addressed as well in the actual script, because of a couple things. The dialogue, while relatively realistic, seemed to not really fit at times. And also, I realize this is more of an introduction than anything, but sometimes a better introduction is where something relatively big happens, this can provide some great insight into the characters and their situations (for an awesome example of this, look at the pilot episode of M*A*S*H). As far as characters, I think they were good. My favorite was probably Gran (she fits very well into her role by the way), my least favorite being Adam and Josh, just because I feel they were hard to distinguish from each other.

    Thanks for entering!

    Style: 6/10
    Flow: 6/10
    Uniqueness: 3/5
    Readability: 5/7
    Effect: 6/10
    Lack of Errors: 2/3
    Personal Score: 2/5
    Total: 30/50


  • Auto Boa silver member
    April 29, 2008

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    I liked it, at points it seemed a little off topic, but i really liked it. I did feel very bad for doug who was so neglected. Keep going (Well you have been going, a lot) this has a lot of potential.


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    March 30, 2008

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    This was very good, very well written and for a screen play; very easy to follow. I myself am proud of this piece, you did an excellent job writing and detailing it.
    Job well done!!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    March 21, 2008

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    yet again it is not my thing; but i enjoy reading things if it sparks some intererst.. took a while for em to read cause screen play type scenerios just dont flicker with the old brain ...

    It is a little dgy, it is intruiguing.. it has a solid character set and I guess thats what makes people read....

    <3 pretty good job love... you write well

    BLair~


  • Blackwings
    March 16, 2008
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    ^.^ I thought it was good ^.^ A little rough around the edges in some areas but I still liked it ^.^ Keep writing I'm off to read episode # 2 <3

  • sarahhitch
    March 12, 2008

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    Lostskins, sorry but this one is not for me. I found myself a little bored and wondering what and why they wanted to be away from Doug and what were they doing....I have read your other work and I have enjoyed them, just not this one.

    I have no idea where you would take this, to be honest I didn't like any of the charactors. Sorry.

    Look forward to another one of your ideas as you do write well, this one just wasn't for me.

    Sarah.

  • xxbri
    March 11, 2008

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    Pretty awesome...
    I thought you could have done a little more character developing, and maybe a little side story just for the amusement of the audiencee, but great plot, and great episode.. I love the idea for this one... continue, please



    I can't wait to get more into the story. I'm not sure you did a great job on placing a genre on it. I know the topics lead it to be more a of a drama, type, but still kind of unsure about it. I can really relate to this one. I lost myself in highschool due to the pressures of everything.

    GREAT JOB


  • Dreams of Insanity
    March 10, 2008

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    Wow! Owen this was terrific! I can't wait to read more of it! Adam reminded me of some people I really can't stand and poor Doug. It hurts to be lied to like that, poor little guy. Josh....I'm not a big fan of either, little follower.

    Anyways, great job! I can't wait to read more of this!


  • EphemeralStyle
    March 9, 2008

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    'What happens to the people who don't smoke or drink?' Well, considering that's me, I can say it's not all that interesting, lol. But I'm friends with anyone who's fun to be around.

    The Hoosiers! They rule! ^^

    Lol, 'That's quite crap.' Love the mix of formal and informal language there. Aww.... poor Doug. I don't really like Adam; he reminds me of some of my friends. Of course, Josh isn't much better if he always follows Adam all the time.

    I like this. It does have potential; I wonder what could happen to stir things up further?

    Awesome

    Eph


  • Azzy Bear
    March 9, 2008

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    This was very good. I, along with everyone else, love to read your screenplays. They never seem to dissapoint, 'cept for just a few mistakes.

    very first paragraph, there is a lone E someone in there.
    Later when Adam and Josh are talking to those whores(LOL) Theres a sentence that doesn't really make sense. Other than that, there are a few misplaced letters, and some incomplete sentences. I really liked it. I was enthralled for a while. I'll be sure to read on, remember to tell me when the next part is up!

    Ooops, i forgot to put this up.
    I personally like Doug. I feel so sorry for the guy. Now, i juist want to know this, is this gonna be a gay story? Im lost.


  • Zerstort
    March 9, 2008

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    This is good.....

    If there was someone I felt sorry for, it would be Doug....he's just a bit overfriendly, I think, and Adam and Josh are trying to avoid him.

    Keep writing

    --Aden
    surrender-to-love


  • Tiger-Lily
    March 9, 2008

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    Definitely intriguing

    Probably one of the few I'll be following! Does Adam think Doug is gay or something? Is that why he freaks out around him? I feel sorry for Doug, gran sounds horrible. The characters were really relatable, ad for the first time, except to remind you of the benefits of proofreading, I can't figure out what else to possibly criticize.

    Adam seems to be reacting like a guy would when he's being stalked by someone gay!
    Josh is the intermediate, peacemaking one, but he seems to be vying for Adam.
    Doug seems to be burdened by his Gran, and is tis why he's so "eager" to get away?

    Excellent job!

    beginning: 4, ending: 5.


  • alfateenage16
    March 9, 2008
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    This is my life...funny that?

    Well yeah good idea (Lots of imagination needed!)Anyway well written, not boring, you obviously have a good memory...dunno what else to say. I'm not going to say which characters I dislike/like! I feel like I know what happens, wonder why?


  • Token Massacre silver member
    March 9, 2008
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    Interesting concept, you leave off a lot of your punctuation so that's distracting. Otherwise, it's well done. I'm not one for reading scripts usually, there's no description, no background. What's here is well done

  • Mreynolds058
    March 9, 2008

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    This is an interesting new idea from ye I have to say, different to any of your other stories. There isn't much that happens here as you say but there is a lot of character development and you do feel sorry for Doug at this stage. He doesn't seem to be doing anything out of the ordinary, apart from acting like a prick , yet he is being shunned by the other two.

    Good start, like to see where it goes from here

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