I was lying on my back in bed, listening to the downpour thrumming against my window pane and staring at the shadows cast on the ceiling by the slowly dimming flashlight, when I heard the faint scritching. Common sense told me it was just the bushes in front of the house being blown around and scratching against the aluminum siding, but my imagination kept on associating the noise with all kinds of vaguely defined terrors.1
Despite my fear, exhaustion was slowly pulling my eyelids closed. Just as I was starting to drift off to sleep, the faint light from the flashlight blinked off. My heart thumped against my ribcage and cold sweat broke out on my forehead when I found myself surrounded by suffocating darkness. I burrowed deeper into my covers and tried to tell myself I should just go to sleep and ignore my imagination.2
That lasted about three seconds. 3
I blindly groped across the table beside my bed until my fingers were wrapped around the reassuringly familiar shape of a cold, steel tube. I thumped the base of the flashlight against my hand until my palm was starting to feel bruised, but my efforts were rewarded when a dim light stuttered back to life. As my eyes drank in the comforting glow, I realized this was only a temporary reprieve. What I really needed to do was go into the kitchen for more batteries.4
Eventually, my reluctance to leave my bed was overcome by the fear of being left in the dark again. Holding the flashlight gingerly so whatever had made the light come back on wouldn't come loose, I shuffled out of my bedroom and down the long, shadowy hallway until I found my way to the kitchen. 5
While searching through the drawers by the sink, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window. The rain running down the glass made it more distorted than I would have expected, and the light right under my chin cast strange, eerie shadows across my face. 6
It wasn't until the flashlight died that I realized I hadn't been looking at my reflection.
Author notes
This isn't a gory story, but I think it's scary. At least, I got a chill writing it.
A contest entry
- scary stories time! by XxToxic TearsxX.
100 points, ended March 12, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Creeps by Tiger-Lily.
205 points, ended April 25, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Well-written read.
Minor errors:
scritching/scratching
"...to do is go..." should be "was to go".
Hm...very suspenseful ending, I'll give you that! But...nothing happened, so no chills! Perhaps adding on a bit more would have done the trick because even I hear random noises in the dark too!
Thank you for entering.
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I was surprised to find I had completely missed the "to do is go" error. Thanks for bringing it up! I have been trying to extend this story, but so far everything has felt tacked on. If I manage to find something that works right before the contest is over, I'll definitely update this story and let you know.
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this was really good excalty what i was looking for!
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I'm so glad you liked my entry! This is the first time I've intentionally written something scary. Thanks for hosting the 'scary story time' contest.
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There has to be more! So far it is good and with a spooky feel. The reflection is who? Well done so far..hoping for more, thanks for sharing
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Hmmm...I hadn't been planning on adding more to this story, but I guess I could. Thanks for your feedback.
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You do have a good idea here, but there's a big no-no going on within the whole story itself. You have two tenses interlacing with one another. Present tense--lying on my back--and past tense--groped--are two things that can instantly turn an editor off to a story. As a reader, I was willing to look past it, as it was a short piece, but you need to remember that you are writing for others when you are posting on storywrite, so you must make sure your writing is as best as it can be.
Hope this helps. Keep up the good work. Just something you need to watch for. : ) -
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Hi KodyBoye! Thanks so much for your thoughtful feedback on my story. I went back to the first sentence and saw the word "was" in front of "lying". Doesn't this put it in the past tense? I hope so. I tried replacing these two words with something else, but I couldn't find anything that didn't feel awkward to me.
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Was lying, yes, it would.
I'm sorry, I read this at the god-awful hour of three in the morning.
Keep up the good work! : D -
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Ah, I know how that goes. I tend to find myself reading around that time too.
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