Part one ((haven't decided on a name yet))

The life of a fifteen year old. Such trying times. So many silly reasons to be an adult too quickly, but none of the responsibilities. I remember seeing you the first time. As if it were yesterday. The smell of the trees just barely starting to turn colors. The freshly mowed grass. That brilliantly warm Colorado sun at the beginning of September. And your eyes..Those devilishly handsome eyes. But that wasn't how it started was it. No...there was anger and defiance. And **chuckles**...misunderstanding. 1

Such happy days were the days of freshmen year. Walking home from school that day with Luna. Talking about our adventures and the mishaps. And that's when she mentioned you. I'd never even known of your existance til then. But apparently, she knew you. And was smitten. 2

"He's got to be a senior, Sara. He's tall, dark and handsome...But has this wild side. Did I mention what happened at lunch?" Luna rushed out. I raise my eye brows and laugh. 3

"no....You've failed to mention that escapade." I replied.4

"Well, this guy...the one I've been talking about..." Non-stop. I think to myself. "We were in the cafeteria having lunch and he threw me over the lunch table. THREW ME!!" She says looking at my in shock. And my reaction was instant. 5

"Why? What's this stuck up prick doing messing with you?" I growl. She is my best friend and my sister at heart after all. 6

"Well I don't know...but he seemed funny and well I guess kind of mysterious." She shrugs and smiles at me. Then glances back behind us and her eyes widen...7

"Hey...That's him..walking about a block behind us!!!" She whispers. My head instantly spins around and I stop dead in my tracks. And there you were. Walking with your head down, your backpack slung over one shoulder. Wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt. I look back at Luna and give her a silent warning. But she pays no attention to me. She calls out and you lift your head. I grit my teeth and turn away and begin walking towards your house. 8

"Sara wait up for us!! I want you to meet him..." Luna squeals. 9

So I stop. Becuz you know I'm loyal to you...and damnit...this boy is getting a piece of my mind!!! I turn around slowly and slip a cold and calculateing smile on my face. 10

You smile warmly and say, "Hi...My names Brandon.." And I nod slowly and keep the fake smile on my face. Luna cheerfully invites you to join us on the walk...and I nearly want to smack her. How can she be so friendly to the guy who threw her around? Takeing a steading breath I walk inbetween the two of you to keep him as far away from you as possible, as you chatter away like old friends. I refuse to say a word until we reach his house. Which so happens to be less than a block from yours. Joy joy. 11

You decide to stop and hang out with him for a bit. So I sit with my back against the car port, right next to Luna, and try my hardest to ignore the conversation swelling around me. But my defenses weaken. He's so funny...and charming. And even I find myself chuckling at some of his jokes. But I refuse to make eye contact. I refuse to add my tidbits. I sit there, silently, keeping my mouth shut and trying to hide my amusement. 12

And suddenly he makes a comment. I can't even remember what it was. But I looked up. ((my first mistake)) And my eyes locked with his, as he looked down at me. And my brain goes blank. Blissfully blank. Like one of those story book moments where everything around you suddenly ceases to exist. And there's only one thing standing out in my head. Those magnificantly GORGEOUS green eyes. And there's something so haunted at the edges. A pain, that I can't quite understand. He smiles, keeping his eyes locked with mine and finishes the joke he was saying. As if he was talking to only me.13

"My God.." Brandon thought...his heart stopped and his breath caught in his throat. "There's no way this girl could possibly be interested in me" He thought to himself. "She's so quiet and ...cold. But damn she has sex appeal!! My heart just fell out at her feet."14

And after what felt like hours, but was only in reality moments, I tore my gaze away. Stareing intently at the fence in front of me, like there was something ever so fascinateing about the wood. And no one mentioned anything about it. So I remained silent. 15

Brandon finally had to go in, so you and I walked back down the street towards your house. My brain was running non stop. I barely registered what you were talking about. All I knew was that you were gushing about him. When we reached your front door, I looked up at you and smiled. 16

"You really like him don't you?" I asked. 17

"Yea, I think so..he seems so nice and smart...and mysterious." 18

I shook my head and chuckled. I still wasn't going to give my approval seeing as he'd "thrown" her around at lunch. But I was starting to think that maybe she'd exagerated it a bit. But time would tell. I'd reserve my judgement and allow him time to prove himself. After all that's what friends are for right? 19

~End of part one...it desperatly needs work and refinement. But i'll be adding touches and changes as they come to me. So if you've got any input. Please feel free to let me know. This story is long..and will have many more parts added to it. And if there's any sentences that you think would sound better worded differently...LET ME KNOW! Any critiques would be welcome. Just treat my work as you'd want your's to be treated.

Author notes

This is FAR from finished...there will be much more to come...so let me know what you think.

I'd LOVE everyones ideas and suggestions. I'm open for anything.

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Comments


  • Tiger-Lily
    March 12, 2008

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    pretty good

    However, you need to be careful about word choice, as some places could use a little refining. The pace could be changed a bit, but i love the 2nd person idea. It caught my eye! That i a huge feat cos I just skied over 5 stories after reading the first 3 lines! Good job. Some tense mix-up, but other than that, pretty good. Makes u want to know who "you" is

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.

    • irishmidnight
      March 12, 2008
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      Awesome!! This is the exact kind of feedback I was hoping for. This "story" is still in major refine and edit mode. I'm just kind of testing the waters. But it's always welcome to get commetns and positive feedback. It sure as hell helps me figure out where I want to go with this!! **hugs** thanks so much!! Hope to hear from you soon!!
      ~*~Irish