"Hey,Thelma! Over here! Come play with us!"1
"It's alright.I think I wanna have a walk to Memory Lane."2
***
I wasn't feeling good that dark morning.The damp air and the fragrance of garbage filled the atmosphere of the orphanage.I was trying to log off from my brain and try to sleep.Suddenly,silence rang in a high pitched voice.Pounding was heard on the main door and echoed across the dorm.A tiny body,with a bush black hair reached the knob.3
"Mr Darwinish,I presume?",announced a deep,rough voice.4
Little neck stretch like giraffes,trying to have a peek of the owner of the alien's voice.He nodded once.Mr.Darwinish was not much of a talker.In fact,nobody in the orphanage had ever heard his voice.Well,he was only the cook,so that figures.5
"Is there a Miss Thelma Satine here?".6
Mr Darwinish nodded again,and this time with his long,dirty finger pointed at me.7
"Thank you".8
A herd of a black suit men entered to the large wooden frame door,and marched across the one-roomed dorm,toward me.So many questions,yet I felt that it was better to swallow it down.Fear made me do this.This men have broad shoulders,tiny waist,and similar faces.But may be is just me who is seeing doubles or triples or whatever,as they all wore the same costume and black shade.9
"It's bloody dark out there.Dawn was having PMS.Very moody.No need for sunglasses.Geez!",I thought.10
"You need to come with us",ordered the deep,rough voice.11
All the kids' face lit up,like receiving a candy,thinking maybe some Richy rich adopted me.I knew otherwise.I was about to say something,when as a sting,followed by a cool breeze sensation knocked me to dreamland.12
***
A familiar,rich smell awoken me.I slowly open my internal windows,and scanned the room.The waves' singing overcomesthe emptiness.It's a small room,with many wooden window panels over-viewing the beautiful scenery of an ocean.It's not much furniture here.Just a small chestnut-coloured side table with drawers,a burgundy study table,a white circular carpet and a small chestnut-coloured closet.While my eyes were appreciating the furniture,as we did not have much furniture back at the orphanage,the wooden door in front of me let out a thump sound.Adrenaline started to work.This meaning that fear pumped through my veins.I remember the black suited men abducted me from the orphanage.My hard disc crashed.My mind went blank.13
"Hello! How are you feeling?",greeted a sweet,melodious voice,along with the sound effect,which is the door's squeak.14
I was like an idiot.My words stuck and form a lump on my throat.He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life.His face was painted beautifully,his body,sculptured with detail,his snow like wings.His wings?My eyes displayed the horror I felt.Wings?Am I dead?I seeing an angel.But my horror was engulfed by my admiration of his detailed beauty.15
"How are you feeling?",he asked again.16
Pang! I felt a sharp pain on my back,as if a concrete felt on my body.17
"ARRRGGHHH!!",I screamed on top of my lungs.18
The angel said something.I could not hear as I was preoccupied by the pain on my back.It felt like something was about to burst out.I felt my skin,torn,and they were blood on the sheets and pillow.I was moved to lay on bed,facing downwards.My hands were held on a person's palm.19
"Hold on!We're gonna help you through this phase",whispered a soft,childish voice.20
"What freaking phase? Oh,the pain! I don't thing I could bear it much longer",I screamed inside my head.21
A white-reddish feather unexpectedly flew down next to my pillow.22
"What the hell is that?",I barked.23
"Why,that's one of your feathers!",explain a hoarse voice.24
How many are they in this room,I wandered,trying to shift my attention away from the pain and the feather.The whole situation was irrationally weird.I was bathing with sweats.All of a sudden,there was a blackout.25
***
I rolled my limbs,so that I would lay on my back.A short sting spread with the speed of light across my weak limbs.I opened my eyes,slowly,and saw a white thing.My mouth was forming a perfect 'O',and my eyes was like about to popped out of the socket.A wing? 2 wings? I had the same set of wings,snow coloured like the perfect guy.Exepct my one had some red smears.26
"Hello! How was your sleep?"27
A boy,with a heart-shaped face,an auburn bang hanging on his forehead,an a pair of sand-like coloured wings.His small porcelien hands was holding a basin full of water,hugging it to his chest,and a white linen cloth placed on top of his left small shoulder. 28
"This is the owner of the childish,soft voice I heard? Whoa! He must be like 5",I said to myself.29
"I'm eight",he corrected.30
He could hear my thoughts? Whoa! Creepy.This looks like one of Harker's fiction stories.The heart-shape-faced boy went toward the bed where I was lying,and started damping the linen cloth and started cleaning my redish white wings.I had numerous questions on my head but i was to drained to talk.31
"You are lucky.You have white snowish wings.I love yours.I wish I had white wings.I always got teased by the other Gems".32
"Gems?",I asked,confused.33
"Yes.Gems.That is what we are.Well,humans has other name for us.Angels.And no you are not dead.And yes we are still on Earth".34
How does he knows that I was about to askthe questions that he already answered?,I thought. As I was lying on front side,my head was at the direction of the ocean.I tried to recall the familiar smell that awaken me,but curiousity was overloading.35
"How was I an angel?",I asked.36
"It's Gems.Well,it's destiny.When we were born,the goddess had plan it all out for us.We are the choosen ones.The goddess and the superior watched us afar,making sure we do not get black marked by Lolita,the queen of darkness.When the time is near,meaning you are about to grow your wings and devolop your gifts,the Superior sent the SAGS,which stands for secret agent gems,to pick you up,and shift you here",he summarised,while cleaning my messy wings gently.37
"Here where?"38
"Here,here! Helixitropolis.Well,is not really a metropolis,but it's a small town in Lake Assal.If you dunno where is it,it's in Africa"39
"Africa",I repeated.40
"Louis.That's my name."A huge grin grew on his face.41
He walked away from me,and went out,closing the door.I was all alone,accompinied by the singing of the waves.I tried to digest everything that Louis just said.Not one bit makes any sense.Why me?
A contest entry
- Room for Improvement by tallblondie.
450 points, ended June 4, 2008, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
tell me what you think as i'm trying to improve my english
Comments
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Critique;
Straight off the top, you need to work on your punctuation. You need to remember to always leave a space after a punctuation mark.
Apart from that, good imagery and descriptions, and interesting character.
In the contest, I will be judging by improvements made, and not by content. -
an 8 year old Louis?!! XD OMG that's so cute. Yeah! The idea's there alright, very interesting! just a teency bit rough around the edges. ^_^ Don't stop!!


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yup! It's an 8 year old louis,with similar feature to armnand..ehehe!! Thanks!
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Thank you for entering and good luck.



