If I could Paint You a Picture

For 12 long hours we watched and waited
until our worlds went completely still and black.
We caught glimpses of the stars
who finally came out to play.
But sadly now the sun comes out
to aunouce to us that it's day.1

And slowly we watch
as the colors starts to blend
and i could paint you a picture...
it would be this one.
Were night and day forever bend,
in so many breath taking ways.
ah yes...if i could paint you a picture...

A contest entry

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Comments

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    There is some wonderful imagery in this. You use descriptions very well. I poem seems to ramble a bit with the long lines. Overall I think this was a good poem that could still use some more work. You need to capitalize a couple of you I's. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.

  • pruedence
    March 9

    Edit | Reply

    Good imaginery

    "Where night and day forever bend," made me think. Dreamy thoughts throughout your words. The world and the universe act on there own, giving us many pictures that we would love to paint. Lovely words , thanks for sharing


  • anxiously D
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery. I really liked the first part because it seemed to be more solid than the second part. All this needs is some corrections to the typos, then it'll read great and look nice and polished.


  • xtonixreneex
    March 8

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    wow...this is just....wow. every sentence and every word just speaks it's own meaning in every letter.