Tragedy Of Love

Muaaz walked into the bar. He looked around, there she was, the girl of his dreams. He shook his head in a weird way, like he always did when he was nervous. He wasn’t good at this but he had practiced. He had even spent hundred bucks on an online prediction to choose the best day. He had searched over two hundred poetry books of about thirty different languages. He had chosen the best and translated it into English.1

It was a Punjabi Sufi poet ‘Baba Bulla Shah’2

‘Raze temples, raze mosques but never break someone’s heart because God lives in hearts.’ 3

It might have lost someone its power during the translation but he really loved it.4

He made his way towards the pool table. There she was playing snooker. God! How beautiful she looked. Her blond hair which were about waist length, her blue eyes and her snow white skin. A fairy in disguise, he felt nervous again. 5

Either she would say ‘yes’ or, I would kill myself Ali thought. Because without her; his life was meaningless.6

‘Hi Stacey,’ he said with all the dare he could muster.7

She took a second to take in his bizarre appearance. Heavily oiled black hair and long black beard that was also heavily oiled, horn rimmed glasses and the red suit with the yellow tie.8

‘Yes,’ she said,she felt a bit scared.9

He repeated the verse,10

‘Raze temples, raze mosques but never break someone’s heart because God lives in hearts.’ 11

‘So?’ she said with uncertainty. Guys like him was supposed to be conservative, fundamentalists and all. He couldn’t be hitting on her, could he?12

‘This is pretty hard for me but, I must say this Stacey. I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you. I love you so much that I can not explain it to you. Please don’t say no, because if you do, I will kill my self.’ He finished dramatically. He on his knees now.13

‘Freak,’ she said and stared to walk away.14

‘Don’t go,’ he said putting a hand on her shoulder.15

Then a big guy came and whack! BOOM! KA BOOM!16

No, no, Muaaz didn’t blow up himself that were sounds of Muaaz taking a good beating.17

He went outside, his American friend Herman was waiting for him there.18

‘What happened?’ he asked seeing his torn clothes and bleeding lip.19

‘Her boyfriend kicked my ass that’s what happened!’20

‘Oh! I am so sorry, now get in the car,” said Herman.21

‘No! I can’t get in the car! My life is over, Stacey didn’t except me it’s over, all over! I want to die! Die Herman! Kill me, Herman, kill me! If this street could show my feelings it wouldn’t be bright and happy! It would be dark and screaming! Screaming Herman! In agony! In Pain!’ He kept on screaming. 22

‘Right, why don’t you consider suicide?’ He suggested.23

‘No Herman, that’s forbidden,’ He said.24

‘Right, then get in the car Muaaz,’ said Herman25

‘Okay, but I am dead, my body may speak, may talk, may eat but my soul has just died! It has just died Herman!’26

Herman drove him to a donut shop, where Ali started to eat donut after donut.27

‘You should really consider slowing down a bit, I haven’t got that much money,’ said Herman.28

‘Damn it Herman! My soul has just died and all you can think about is money,’ said Muaaz.29

“Okay, okay, chill, eat all you want,’ said Herman.30

Then suddenly Muaaz stopped, a donut fell from his hand and landed on the floor *dramatically*, he put his hand in his jacket.31

No, no he didn’t blow up, it was normal jacket, instead he took out a book. It was the same one he had written all the lines on.32

‘What are you doing?’ asked Herman.33

‘Revising,’ said Muaaz.34

‘What for?’ said Herman35

'Look,' he said pointing dramatically, ‘Black hairs, green eyes, so beautiful, oh! So beautiful, she the real one, my life! The love of my life, I can’t live without her!’36

‘Right, I’ll wait outside.’ said Herman leaving the shop.37

After 20 minutes, Muaaz came out of the shop. ‘It’s a tragedy, kill me Herman! Kill me!’38

‘Right, Muaaz your wife called, she's getting worried,’ Herman said39

‘Ah! Another tragedy, can you drop me home?’40

‘Sure Muaaz,’41

'Afterwards, may be you can kill me!’ said Muaaz.42

‘We’ll think about that later, okay," said Herman looking really tired.43

‘Okay. Look at that Herman! Dyed Pink hair, hazel brown eyes! She's the one Herman! She's the one!"44

Author notes

Moral of the Story:

Never give up until you succeed. Even if you already have a wife!

A contest entry

Don't you just love Muaaz?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 24 of 24
  • This was really funny! It was a cute and interesting story. I'm glad to have read it. Herman sounds like a really good best friend. Ali, I don't know what to say about that character other than he needs to learn to love what he has already. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!


  • lavanya
    May 14
    Edit | Reply
    Hahhhahahahhahaha...OMG...Zsh, this is really altra funny ...hahahahahah....bravo,bro...hahahahahh


    • Shah Z
      May 15
      Edit | Reply
      Someone tell this to the judges, it's my best work and it has no trophy!

      • lavanya
        May 15
        Edit | Reply
        Ewww....my baby bro...its ok sweetie , you have ours appericiation , we liked what you wrote ..so keep smiling and keep writing too..

  • Cavalier gold member
    May 7
    Edit | Reply
    That was off-beat and quite funny.

    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.

  • Sorry in the rules it said no cussing...
    DQ'd

  • This is hilarious, but needs some serious revisions. There were a lot of errors in there.

    This could be a really great story, if you were to add more to the overall story and such.


  • Bethany
    January 30
    Edit | Reply
    That was a bit odd... good job though. =]


  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Weirdness abounds here - funny, but it sorta has no point.
    But - I like it - for the simple reason that it made me laugh.


  • Aaez
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, it's more like a humour story rather than a love story.
    Stating that, I have to say that I liked it very much nonetheless. It's really really sweet. Good Job and thanks for entering my contest.


  • Taylor Renee
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest...And please, stay tuned! I am currently judging...

    [Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot....]

    xoxo
    -♥-
    Tay


  • xMoonlightxDreamsx
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Not a whole lot of detail... I agree with Nixer's comment... It could be edited to become a better story. Good luck.


  • nixers
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good idea, that, with some editing could make a brilliant story. I found a few mistakes and have pointed them out below and you should add some commas, especially to the first paragraph. Here are some that I picked up:

    "Ali walked in the bar" - should be "Ali walked into the bar"
    Comma before "but"
    Put thoughts in inverted commas
    "guys like him was supposed to be conservative" - should be "Guys like him were supposed..."
    "torn cloths" - should be "clothes"

    Overall, I enjoyed the story, but I know it has the potential to be better so take some time to edit it and see what happens. Thank you for entering and good luck.

  • trackrunnengirl24
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. that was a little bit creepy, although it was in a good way. i enjoyed this a lot, and [dont think im mental or anthing]but it made me laugh a little. good luck and thanks for entering

  • Taylor Renee
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    Oh my absolutely goodness.

    This was adorable. YOU are adorable!

    This made me laugh really hard. It was hilarious. Really

    And the girl had blonde hair and blue eyes. Hah. I loved that.

    And you have black hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *Dies.*

    lol!

    But your author's notes really sold me.

    You are officially amazing.

    And on the finalists list.

    Thank you so much for taking the time for me and my contest, & I wish you the best of luck, my fellow amazing loser!



    xoxo
    -♥
    Tay


  • potaytee
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's a really good story. For my contest (backgrounds) can you please tell me how your story relates to your background? Thanks


  • Miss Belligerence
    April 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    alright, I tried to read this story, I really did, but it didn't draw me in. First of all you have some tense issues. ex: "Either she would say ‘yes’ or I’ll kill my self Ali thought, because his life without her was meaningless." should be "either she says yes or I'll kill myself" or "either she would say yes or I would kill myself"
    The first line needs punctuation, badly.
    sorry it didn't draw me in.
    thanks for entering
    -gibson


  • moonwriter
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Um, that was interesting. I was mildly fascinated by the story, but I honestly wasn't drawn in. I can tell your a good writer, but this wasn't that great of a story. Better luck next time. Maybe


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Darkly comical, I'll admit. As a story, I liked it. As an entry to this contest, I don't think it quite fits. Personally, I find that is has too much dark humor - which I did ask writers to avoid for this contest. Thank you for submitting it, however. It is a good story.


  • Princess Peaches
    March 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    tooo many words for my contest sorry


  • taylor-swift13
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was good, but it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Sorry, keep writing though, I love your style.


  • Cheerful-Panda
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    haha I feel bad for him he got rejected and beaten up. Wow didn't know that he was marreid that was quiet the twist. There are some spelling and grammar mistakes but it was readable, good job and good luck !
    -Miranda-


  • Miss Anona
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hitman, that was really funny and cute. You need to clean up some grammar and spelling mistakes, for sure, but I like that you take risks in your stories.
    Don't be afraid of romance. If you need help, ask me.


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Poor Ali

    He needed to be more like Muhammad Ali [the boxer] and "Float like a butterfly sting like a bee" LOL Sounds like that Herman shouldn't have waited outside. What kind of moral support is that when he waits in his car all the time. Maybe it's a really nice car!
    I laughed and that is what writing is all about. Changing the mood of the reader and involving him [or her] in the story.
    Ali's friend has a really nice name I noticed.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.

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