Tragedy Of Love

Ali walked in the bar, he looked around there she was the girl of his dreams. He shook his head in a weird way, like he always did when he was nervous. He wasn’t good at this but he had practiced. He had even spent $100 on online Prediction to choose the best day. He had searched over 200 poetry books of about 30 different languages, chosen the best and translated it into English.1

It was a Punjabi Sufi poet ‘Baba Bulla Shah’2

‘Raze temples, raze mosques but never break someone’s heart because God lives in hearts’ 3

It might have lost someone its power during the translation but he really loved it.4

He went to the pool table, where she was playing snooker. God how beautiful she looked blond hair about waist length, blue eyes, white skin. A fairy in disguise, he felt nervous again. Either she would say ‘yes’ or I’ll kill my self Ali thought, because his life without her was meaningless.5

‘Hi Stacey’ he said with all dare he can muster.6

She took a second to take in his bizarre appearance, heavily oiled black hair and long black beard which was also heavily oiled, horn rimmed glasses and the red suit.7

‘Yes’ she said, a bit scared.8

He repeated the verse,9

‘Raze temples, raze mosques but never break someone’s heart because God lives in hearts’ 10

‘So?’ she said a bit uncertain, guys like him was supposed to be conservative, fundamentalists and all. He couldn’t be hitting on her, could he?11

‘This is pretty hard for me, but I must say this Stacey. I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you. I love you so much that I can not explain it you. Please don’t say no cause if you do, I would kill my self’ he finished dramatically, he was on his knees by the end of it.12

‘Freak’ she said moving on.13

‘Don’t go’ he said, putting a hand on her shoulder.14

A big guy came and whack! Boom! Ka boom!15

No, no Ali didn’t blow up himself that was sounds of Ali taking a good beating.16

He went outside, his American friend Herman was waiting for him outside.17

‘What happened?’ he asked seeing his torn cloths and bleeding lip.18

‘Her boyfriend kicked my ass that’s what happened!’19

‘Oh! I am so sorry, get in the car now’20

‘No I can’t get in the car, my life is over, Stacey didn’t except me it’s over all over! I want to die! Die Herman! Kill me Herman now kill me! If this street could show my feelings it wouldn’t be bright and happy! It would be dark and screaming! Screaming Herman! In agony! In Pain!’21

‘Right why don’t you consider suicide?’22

‘No Herman, that’s forbidden’23

‘Right, then get in the car Ali’24

‘Okay, but I am dead, my body may speak, may talk, may eat but my soul has just died! It has just died Herman’25

Herman drove him to a donut shop, where Ali started to eat donut after donut.26

‘You should really consider slowing down a bit, I haven’t got that much money’ said Herman27

‘Damn it Herman! My soul has just died and all you can think about is money.28

“Okay, okay’ he said.29

Then suddenly Ali stopped, a donut fell from his hand and landed on the floor, he put his hand in the jacket.30

No, no he didn’t blow up himself; instead he took out a book. It was the same one he had written all the lines on.31

‘What are you doing?’ asked Herman.32

‘Revising’ said Ali.33

‘What for?’ said Herman34

Look he said pointing dramatically ‘red hairs, green eyes, so beautiful, oh! So beautiful, she the real one, my life the love of my life, I can’t live without her’35

‘Right, I’ll wait outside’ said Herman.36

After 20 minutes, Ali came out. ‘It’s a tragedy, kill me Herman! Kill me!’37

‘Right, Ali your wife called, she getting worried’38

‘Ah! Another tragedy, can you drop me home?’39

‘Sure Ali’40

'Afterwards, may be you can kill me!’41

‘We’ll think about that later, okay’42

‘Okay’43

Author notes

Moral of the Story:

Never give up until you succeed.

A contest entry

Don't you just love Ali's honesty?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ gold member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Weirdness abounds here - funny, but it sorta has no point.
    But - I like it - for the simple reason that it made me laugh.


  • Aaez
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, it's more like a humour story rather than a love story.
    Stating that, I have to say that I liked it very much nonetheless. It's really really sweet. Good Job and thanks for entering my contest.


  • Taylor Renee
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest...And please, stay tuned! I am currently judging...

    [Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot....]

    xoxo
    -♥-
    Tay


  • BreakingDawn
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Not a whole lot of detail... I agree with Nixer's comment... It could be edited to become a better story. Good luck.


  • nixers
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good idea, that, with some editing could make a brilliant story. I found a few mistakes and have pointed them out below and you should add some commas, especially to the first paragraph. Here are some that I picked up:

    "Ali walked in the bar" - should be "Ali walked into the bar"
    Comma before "but"
    Put thoughts in inverted commas
    "guys like him was supposed to be conservative" - should be "Guys like him were supposed..."
    "torn cloths" - should be "clothes"

    Overall, I enjoyed the story, but I know it has the potential to be better so take some time to edit it and see what happens. Thank you for entering and good luck.

  • trackrunnengirl24
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    wow. that was a little bit creepy, although it was in a good way. i enjoyed this a lot, and [dont think im mental or anthing]but it made me laugh a little. good luck and thanks for entering


  • Taylor Renee
    May 9

    Edit | Reply


    Oh my absolutely goodness.

    This was adorable. YOU are adorable!

    This made me laugh really hard. It was hilarious. Really

    And the girl had blonde hair and blue eyes. Hah. I loved that.

    And you have black hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *Dies.*

    lol!

    But your author's notes really sold me.

    You are officially amazing.

    And on the finalists list.

    Thank you so much for taking the time for me and my contest, & I wish you the best of luck, my fellow amazing loser!



    xoxo
    -♥
    Tay


  • capitallights
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    That's a really good story. For my contest (backgrounds) can you please tell me how your story relates to your background? Thanks


  • Miss Belligerence
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    alright, I tried to read this story, I really did, but it didn't draw me in. First of all you have some tense issues. ex: "Either she would say ‘yes’ or I’ll kill my self Ali thought, because his life without her was meaningless." should be "either she says yes or I'll kill myself" or "either she would say yes or I would kill myself"
    The first line needs punctuation, badly.
    sorry it didn't draw me in.
    thanks for entering
    -gibson


  • moonwriter
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Um, that was interesting. I was mildly fascinated by the story, but I honestly wasn't drawn in. I can tell your a good writer, but this wasn't that great of a story. Better luck next time. Maybe


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Darkly comical, I'll admit. As a story, I liked it. As an entry to this contest, I don't think it quite fits. Personally, I find that is has too much dark humor - which I did ask writers to avoid for this contest. Thank you for submitting it, however. It is a good story.


  • Princess Peaches
    March 19
    Edit | Reply
    tooo many words for my contest sorry


  • Pomodorina
    March 13

    Edit | Reply
    This was good, but it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Sorry, keep writing though, I love your style.


  • Cheerful-Panda
    March 13

    Edit | Reply
    haha I feel bad for him he got rejected and beaten up. Wow didn't know that he was marreid that was quiet the twist. There are some spelling and grammar mistakes but it was readable, good job and good luck !
    -Miranda-


  • Miss Anona
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    Hitman, that was really funny and cute. You need to clean up some grammar and spelling mistakes, for sure, but I like that you take risks in your stories.
    Don't be afraid of romance. If you need help, ask me.


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    March 8

    Edit | Reply

    Poor Ali

    He needed to be more like Muhammad Ali [the boxer] and "Float like a butterfly sting like a bee" LOL Sounds like that Herman shouldn't have waited outside. What kind of moral support is that when he waits in his car all the time. Maybe it's a really nice car!
    I laughed and that is what writing is all about. Changing the mood of the reader and involving him [or her] in the story.
    Ali's friend has a really nice name I noticed.

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