the devil owns my soul

If it had happened to me sooner, you know, me selling my soul, then I guess I'd have understood what his strange lapse of being, sound, and emotion had meant. But it still was unpredictable. Even I couldn't have imagined it.1

It was that spring. I have a vague impression of trodded on grass, and slush on the pavement, because no matter how many times I tried to recall that last moment with Dan, it wouldn't answer back, as if my mind had blocked it out. But it hadn't erased the remnants. It probably had happened like this:2

He wouldn't look me in the eyes; he also didn't hold my hand. I reached for it, but he took it away. That was really strange. I frowned and took a look at his face. Dan was unusually white, I mean, he IS pale, but he had an absence of color. His mouth was set in a grim line. His blond hair was blowing in the slight breeze, as if he hadn't bothered to comb, and his eyes were full of blue electricity.3

"Mariss," he said as he finally looked at me. I was so desperate for his attention that I didn't notice the flat tone to it until later. As if he didn't find my name pleasing.4

"Yeah?" I responded, hoping it was nothing bad. What a foolish thought.5

"If..if I left..would you have the power to start from where you were before I came?"6

"I can't imagine my life before you appeared." I thought this was a pretty snappy line, but he frowned all the more.7

"How much do you love me?"8

"No words can express my compassion for you." Here I smiled, which would have put the sun to shame. Dan smiled back, but it was fake. That put me to attention.9

"If you love me that much, will you promise me that you'll take care of yourself after I'm gone?"10

All my nerves froze, at least it seemed. "Are you going somewhere?"11

"Promise me," Dan said in a firm voice.12

"I promise," I replied good heartedly. "So tell me, what's up?"13

Any other time, he would have responded, "you, my sky," which would have put my doubts to rest, but he didn't this time. He stared up at the sky. 14

"Dammit! Why is it so hard to say!" 15

"What?" 16

"Marissa..Well...I don't..want you anymore." He slightly winced, and I just stood there, trying to understand. Comprehension flowed through me, and brought with it a sting, like that of a herbal medicine applied to a wound.17

"That's it." He hugged me for the briefest second, then cupped my face. "You promised. I hope you'll keep it." He pressed his lips to my forehead, then walked away. I stared.18

"How can you do that!?" I yelled furiously, as he was almost out of sight.19

Dan turned around and stared at me. "Do what?"20

"Tell me that you don't love me, then embrace me and walk away!"21

He was forlorn. "I didn't say I didn't love you. I said I don't want you."22

I was dumbfounded. To me, there didn't seem to be a difference. Either ways, he was leaving me. "If you love me, then you wouldn't leave me!"23

"I don't love you enough to not leave. That's it." No guilt in his tone, just despair. And then he walked out of my life. For forever? I wasn't sure. But he left. I'm pretty that's how it happened.24

I heard a metal filled voice in my ear over the screaming voices of the band and the people. 25

"Mariss, Mariss," he called with wanting. 26

"What?" I didn't pay that much attention to his voice. The first time I had heard him, it had scared the light out of me, but now I familiar with it. I kept applying heavy mascara to my lids, and blush to my cheeks.27

"Give me your soul. You won't regret it. In return, I'll give you whatever you want."28

"I don't want anything. I already have everything."29

Jave walked over with drinks in his hands.30

"Hey babe," he said, kissing my cheek and circling my waist with his tattooed arm. 31

"Hey." I kissed his pierced lips back. His long shaggy hair had a tint of purple in it.32

"You streak your hair?" I asked, grinning. 33

"Yeah. I know you like purple," he also grinned.34

"I like you better." I pressed my lips to his again.35

Now, the devil was screaming in my ear like a banshee.36

"Be right back, babe." I stood up and went to the bathroom.37

"What, Lucifer!?" I half screamed when I got in the bathroom, like a banshee as well, my yell bouncing off the marble walls.38

"Sell me your soul!" His eyes burning with hell fire.39

"Go wreck someone else's occult party!" I growled.40

"No! I want your soul! It's so pure and clean!"41

What the hell? Pure? Clean? Yeah, right! I steal stuff, and my room is a galaxy away from clean!42

"What's in it for me? If I do?"43

He was too eager that he didn't notice the 'if.' "I'll grant you a wish," he said with a tempting tone.44

"What's the side effects? Do I get red eyes, or fangs, or fire power, or what?!"45

"You get all those things, and whatever you want. Even the power to change the world!"46

I thought it over. I could finally get good grades, and stop my mother's bitching and my teachers' nagging. I could meet Marilyn Manson this weekend. I could bring Dan back..47

"Fine."48

"Yes?!" The ball of fire seemed to jump with happiness. 49

"Yes, fine. Do the shit."50

I could sense his ecstasy. Like, whoa. The heat of the air was frying my hair. The light of the room didn't change, but Lucifer did. He was a blazing glory, and swallowed me whole.51

The stifling heat made me almost regret the choice, but it went away as a white orb appeared from inside me. I reached for it, but my hands went through it. As soon as I touched it, however, I could see my life up to this point play over. No dots of black to show I had done anything wrong, just a pure white memory.52

As soon as it had happened, it was gone, like a forgotten dream. I blinked. I didn't feel any different. I didn't look any different, either. I posed in the mirror.53

"That's it?" I turned around to face him.54

"That's it!" he chirped.55

"..Wow...Well, I'm gone." I exited the bathroom, and went back to Jave. He at once took me in his arms and kissed me.56

"Marissa? Are you wearing contacts? Your eyes are red."57

I grinned. Lucifer kept his word after all. "Yeah."58

He shrugged. "It looks cool."59

"Do I look hot?" My intention was to find out if had changed in appearance.60

"You always look hot." He kissed me again.61

I crushed a sigh against his shoulder. "I gotta go."62

"Where?" 63

"I'm..going under." I grinned.64

Jave didn't understand, but he grinned anyway. "Cool. Want me to drive you home?"65

I shook my head. "Peace."66

Outside, it was easier to think, to breathe. The screaming heavy metal band could still be heard, but faintly. I thought about Dan. Dan, his blond hair, his white chocolatey skin, his gorgeous blue eyes. Thinking about him didn't hurt me now. I wish I could see him..67

Holy crap! Suddenly, he was right there! He was dressed in jeans, and a sweater striped with green and black alternating lines. He also looked surprised.68

"Mariss?" He asked. It amazed me that he could remember me after all these years. I had cut my hair, my eyes had changed, I'd grown - yet he still remembered me!69

"Um..you'd be?" I pretended to be the odd man out.70

"It's me..Dan?" 71

"..Don't know any Dan's." It didn't hurt me at all, to lie to him like this, as he had done years ago, on that fateful spring day.72

He looked desperate. "Daniel Given? Taylor High? I was the one who dumped you that March a few years ago.."73

I pretended that the lightbulb over me came to life. "Ah! Yeah! Oh my gosh! Where have you been!"74

He smiled weakly. "I'd been in Berkeley. Just not..where you would have found me."75

"Oh. Well, what're you doing here now?"76

"Just came to see whose birthday was being held here today. Yours?" he guessed.77

I bowed. "Thanks, thanks. I don't need a gift. You coming here is enough. Never thought you'd be into the occult."78

"No, no. Just that Evan, the drummer guy is my friend." Dan looked desperate for a reason to talk.79

"Cool. Well, I was just going. Yeah, I know," I grinned at his mock gasp, "the birthday girl leaving early. But I don't feel well, so.." I stepped off the doormat and started to walk out the gate.80

"Wait," he called. I turned around.81

"Hm?" This moment seemed to be familiar.82

"Well, you know a few years back..that was really cruel of me..I was wondering if you could forgive me?"83

"No hard feelings." I waved my hand casually. 84

"But..I also lied. I'd loved you all this time. Just..during that time I'd fallen for Krys." He flinched. Krys, the head cheerleader. A blonde. Naturally, naturally. 85

"Now I know..that it was just a phase. And I instantly regretted it, dumping you, when Krys told me we were over. I knew then that you were the one for me, but I'd just overlooked you."86

Now I know! Dejavu! This moment was just like that March! He walked out, I'm walking out; he's admitting his love, I look on. Ah ha!87

"If you could find it in your heart to forgive me.." Dan looked pale. This was too familiar. The same things were happening, just in reverse, and I knew I would be the one to leave.88

I walked toward him. He looked almost hopeful. Pity.89

I whispered in his ear, "I have no heart. I sold my soul to the devil, in return that I could see you again. But now that I don't have any emotions, I can't love you back. I want you, but I don't love you." I grinned.90

His face fell. 91

"The worst thing about being lied to..is knowing that you're not worth the truth."92

He looked so frail that I thought the wind could have blown him away.93

I walked out, for forever. Damn, that felt good!94

{icecream}