SR Murders--Chapter Four

1

SR Murders2

By Andy Stephenson and Geri Fitzsimmons3

Chapter Four4

Set close by the sidewalk, the gasoline smell from the automobile jammed road lingered in the vestibule but no one noticed. New York meant cars and people, too many people and too many cars, a fact of life New Yorkers recognized. The neon flashing ‘Mallory’s’ was only green now; the white lights had sputtered and died last night. This morning the sign ended up on a three-week waiting list to be repair. Mallory didn’t complain, this had been his city for thirty years, so he expected such inconveniences. It wouldn’t likely hurt his business, “My trade is programmed.” He laughed at the young waitress.5

“With the sign all wacky, I’m going to take a hit on tips.” Sandy bemoaned. Only a two year resident she hadn’t developed the expertise to be a New Yorker.6

Mallory's Pub on the East side of Manhattan boasted of mostly police clientele. Oh, certainly there were other patrons, but it was a cops' bar. Years ago when his pa ran the pub, Mallory himself wore the blue, so his peers just naturally flocked to the place. 7

Detective Sergeant Joseph Farley immediately felt the atmospheric change as he stepped in to Mallory's to escape a hot June sun. Summertime New York was a city of scorched concrete and cooked pavement. It was a cool 72 degrees in the pub and the faint smell of alcohol permeated the air. It was dimly lit inside and most of the seats at the bar were occupied. "Hi guys," said Joe. Several of the men from the 66th precinct nodded or spoke a greeting in reply. It was nearly seven.8

The bartender, paused in pulling the tap on a thick head of Harp Ale waiting for it to settle, he raised a hand in salute as he mouthed, "Hiya Joe." 9

Farley nodded and moved on up to long mahogany bar. “Hot as Hell,” he said. “How’s business Matt?”10

"Could be better, but you guys scare all the rich crooks away."11

“Never happen in this town.” Farley spent a good amount of his free time at Mallory’s though he wasn’t a particular heavy drinker. Now that his freshly divorced wife had taken their daughter to live with her parents in Cincinnati, Farley was alone. The small apartment he could afford in the city ate at his sanity so he used it for sleeping and cleaning up. When he wasn’t working, he could usually be found at Mallory’s. 12

Mallory’s was also his main supplier of substance, and the over indulgence in sandwiches was beginning to show in the slight extra frontage. At least once a day, he’d chastise himself. He was getting a pouch. Forty-five, divorced and developing a pouch—things were really looking good for him.13

"Bring me a Heineken, Sandy," he said motioning toward an empty table. “Think I’ll park there. Haven’t ate since breakfast.” 14

"Heineken? That's a change for yah. What's the occasion?" Sandy was cute with a pile of brunette curls, wide blue eyes and a smile that rarely dissolved. At twenty-five, she was still fresh, soap and water, complexioned. She was a bold little business just over five foot and showed an open interest in Joe Farley.15

Fun to play with, still, Joe Farley didn’t want the complication of a relationship. Especially not with a girl in her twenties. Shit! He was old enough to be her father; he didn't need it, not now. "Just wanted something different. Come over here an sit in my lap when you bring my beer." He kidded. 16

"Not in your lifetime.” She giggled. “Beside I’m tooo busy. What are you gonna eat?”17

"Got something better than you on the menu?” 18

“The boss made stew.”19

“Number one! You take the prize—that even beats what I was thinking of.” 20

“Dirty old man.” Sandy threw back over her shoulder at him as she hustled towards the kitchen.21

Time moved along quickly. Farley finished two bowls of the thick beef stew with four biscuits loaded with butter. He washed it down with Heineken’s and then switched to a Coors light. He joked with Sandy and the bartender, exchanged cop talk with a few officers. Then he saw the clock over the bar strike ten. It was intentionally set ten minutes fast, so when it was last call, the pub closed on time. 22

A few minutes past that hour, Joe looked up. Neil was right on time. Joe gave a wave as his friend came through the door.23

Dr. Neil Harris had a long-standing habit. He left his home precisely an hour and forty minutes before he reported for duty at the radio station. He drove into Manhattan from Westchester and arrived at Mallory’s when the clock said ten after ten. It wasn’t a thirst for alcohol that drew Neil to the pub, it was the companionship of the predominately male clientele. He would order a sandwich with a coke, and enjoy good-natured banter with the Regulars before heading to KJAB to suffer through three hours of stranger’s problems. 24

Joe’s practice was to wait for Neil’s arrival. The two men met in college over a quarter of a century ago, their professional and personal lives had taken very different paths, but they continued to remain close. 25

Joe attempted to balance the politics and demanding work required for advancement in New York police force with maintaining a family. He knew he’d sacrificed one for the other, so now he was divorced and had become a part time daddy.26

While Joe stumbled through life, Neil stepped lively. He had a well paying practice, a home in Westchester, a BMW and small yacht before he hit forty. Thirty pounds over weight, a rapidly graying head with a noticeable bald plate Neil was five years Joe’s senior. Never what you might call handsome, Neil possessed a voice that could soothe a mad dog, so he’d been offered a late night radio show. "How 're things going?" He asked as he slipped into the waiting chair at Joe’s table.27

“Which complaint can you handle best, Doc.” Joe grinned and tapped his forehead with one finger. “My empty brain or my empty pocket?”28

Sandy moved in quickly for the expected tip. “The usual?”29

“That would be fine.” Neil smiled at waitress. Then turned his attention back to Joe. Never married himself, he took a special interest in his friend’s child. “How’s our girl doing?”30

“Rose called last night. Money as usual. Wants me to direct deposit the support checks.” He took a sip from a beer still full and going flat. “Talked to Becca for a while. She sounded better. Made some new friends at school. Not having much of a problem with her studies—that’s a good thing.”31

“You better believe it. Switching schools at the end of the year could have played havoc with a twelve-year–old’s exams. I don’t know what Rose was thinking.”32

Sandy set the ham and cheese on rye, with a tall coke before him, Neil grinned. Then he said, “I’d marry you if I was younger.”33

"You’re too late. Sandy and I are going to run off together. How about we take off tonight," said Joe with an exaggerated wink. 34

"I love your gray eyes, but I can never tell what's behind them," returned Sandy. "Sure, I could be ready tonight. But then, I’ll have to think about that. Neil’s got that boat." She flounced away.35

Neil quickly finished a half of sandwich, and between bites washed it down with coke. He toyed with the remainder as he remarked, “Something’s bothering me.”36

“You? Now that’s a change.”37

"I was reading in the morning newspaper one of our caller’s committed suicide.” He eyed the policeman with a serious frown. “It came to me, that I heard about a couple of other callers who had killed themselves, all in the last couple of months. Does that seem odd to you?"38

"Well, New York is a big city.” Joe considered for a minute. “Your kind of show attracts people with problems.”39

“True—and we get a number of them, or they wouldn’t give us the airtime.” Neil took a prescription bottle from his pants pocket, flipped the cover and shook two white pills in his palm; popping them in his mouth he drank the rest of his coke.40

“What this drugging up in front of a cop?”41

“Right, I almost wish they were recreational. Damn gut of mine.” Neil replaced the lid and the bottle. Then he continued, “Most of our callers are just lonely, they need someone to talk to. When I do spot a real problem I switch them over to Crisis Center. There’s been at least one a night lately…high but still most people, who say they want to die, don’t really. “ Neil broke the half of sandwich in half. Then changed his mind and left it on the plate. “Just a guess but I think there were six names I recognized in the past three months.”42

“Six? It does seem high.” Joe was suddenly very interested. He scratched his bald spot as he habitually did when thinking. “Do you remember those names?" 43

"I'm certain of the last woman’s. That's another thing, they were all women. The last one was Michelle."44

“The last name?”45

“In this case it’s Baine. We don’t take their last names; but when we switch them over to the Crisis line, they can ID them and send them help if necessary. I called them, but while they posted her name and address in their files they never sent anyone. The man that talked with her, Dale something—he’s been a volunteer for several years, he said she communicated well, even joked a bit and was certain I misunderstood her.”46

"Hmmm…how about those other names?”47

“We still have the tapes. I’ll have Mark dig them out. We can check them against the time their file was made and get the ID from the Crisis Center.”48

“You do that, in the meantime I'll look into the Baine suicide," Joe assured Neil.49

Sandy stopped at their table. Her attractive face held a serious expression, which was out of character. She announced, "I've told Matt that tonight's my last night. I can pack and be ready in thirty minutes." Sandy maintained a straight face.50

Joe seemed lost for a reply. He simply stared at her.51

Then she broke out laughing. "Got ya!" 52

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • LuckyK
    September 29

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    And so the investigation begins...after much excitement comes a little down time...sigh well i'm off to read more...
    Great write and Nice work you two are doing...

    . Rewarded 4


  • condor
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    A little more slow paced than the other two chapters. Quiet and peaceful. That's probably the impression from the bar Joe was in. I do like the young lady you introduced as the waitress. She seems very jovial. Then along comes the Doc and things start to get a little serious again. This was very good. A little down time and a little fun, followed by a pulling back to the serious side of things. You can easily lead your readers along and allow them the pace to understand everything happening. I've read some where you get lost before you reach the second page. You're both very good. I was wondering just how much more effort goes into writing a book with two people compiling it. I would have expected to see two different types of write, but not here. It sounds like one person. just three typos here i saw.
    Paragraph 5 - line 6....to be 'repaired'
    Paragraph 30 - line 1....Neil smiled at 'the' waitress'
    Paragraph 41....'What's', not what.

    All the same, I am impressed yet again and am now off to chapter five.

    . Rewarded 8

    • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      To answer your question, I imagine, since I’m no expert and this is my first time collaborating, it depends on the people involved. Like any joint venture two committed individuals with the same goal and a wiliness to cooperate can accomplish anything (even marriage .)

      Of course Andy and ‘meself’ are at a disadvantage in that he doesn’t know what a ‘Beauty’ I am and I only can judge him by his words. Still, we seem to mesh perfectly on this novel—something like 50,000 words and still growing —in less than six months .

      You could ask Andy how he chooses a partner, he’s done it before.

      We are so glad we can count you in the number of SRM 'Critters'. If you think you know who the killer is at any time--let us know.

      Geri


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    I was wondering if Neil would show up again - should have figured he'd be smart enough to smell a rat and well-connected enough to have a cop friend. I like the way you do scenes - this one in a bar, one in a radio studio, etc. It's like you're immersed in the story, and it really adds a sound element of credibility to the tale. You're dialogue always flows so easily, too - how do you do that? *laughs* Good job so far - I can feel the pace picking up a bit, and I'm sure things are going to get wild eventually!

    Notes (sorry there are so many... ):

    * Para 5: "automobile-jammed" should be hyphenated - it's one of those single two-word adjectives. I also am not sure if it should be "This morning the sign" or "That morning" - everything is in past tense, and "this morning" sounds like presence tense to me. And I think a period after "hurt his business" instead of a comma would work better.

    * Para 6: A comma after "hit on tips," "two-year" should be hyphenated, and I think it might sound better to say "hadn't YET developed the expertise" - what do you think?

    * Para 7: "boasted of mostly police clientele" - what do you think of using "a" instead of "of" in this phrase?

    * Para 8: "stepped in to Mallory's" - This is one I tend to mess up myself...should it be "in to" or "into"? I feel like "into" is correct, but you might want to check...*laughs*

    * Para 9: This sentence is all syntactically garbled... *laughs* I think maybe breaking it into two sentences would solve the problem - what do you think?

    * Para 12: "a particular heavey drinker" - I think "particularly" is the correct word. Also, not to continually harp on the hyphenated adjectives, but "freshly-divorced" should be hyphenated.

    * Para 15: "fresh, soap and water, complexioned" *scratches head* Well, I'm not quite sure what this is saying...my guess is that you mean something like "fresh soap-and-water complexioned," but I could be missing it altogether.

    * I'm noticing a trend in your dialogue tags. If the tag is part of the sentence, you need to end the dialogue with a comma and not capitalize the next word. For instance (para 16): "bring my beer," he kidded. Sometimes you get it right and sometimes you don't - just thought I'd point it out and you can comb through for the rest of them, so I won't keep harping on them.

    * Para 22: "Heineken's" doesn't need an apostrophe.

    * Para 25: I think you need to break for a sentence between "century ago" and "their professional" - yes?

    * Para 33: I know that I worry too much about punctuation...it comes from too many English classes I think. But this is how I would structure this paragraph, for whatever it's worth. [Sandy set the ham and cheese on rye and a tall coke before him. Neil grinned, then said, "I'd marry you if I was younger."]

    * Para 42: "but still most people who say they want to die don't really." I don't think you need either of the commas here...

    * *laughs* I like the ending...Sandy seems like a kick.

    . Rewarded 8

    • You keep right on pointing out our goofs .

      I file these kind of helpful crits with the chapter. Your work will make the next draft a breeze .

      Thank so much for continuing to read and comment. We're glad you are enjoying the story.

      Geri


  • eyeambaldman
    April 18
    Edit | Reply
    previously read and commented...and it's a good one!


  • eyeambaldman
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    More excellent characters. You always create these fantastic believe characters. I like Sandy--she seems like a cool chick!

    LOL

    Good movement of the plot in this chapter. You gave us a bit here, bucause it seems that the Crisis Center sent no one to Michelle's house yet someone (the killer) showed up saying he was from the Crisis Center. Well, that's a damn fine plot twist because everyone is thinking the killer works at the Crisis Center! Nice work...

    In this chapter, the first 3 paragraphs seem out of place. I didn't really connect with anything until Joe walked into the pub in paragraph 4. To me, this is where the chapter should start. The first 3 'graphs seem like filler information that can either be omitted or scattered throughout the chapter via dialogue or action. Just my thoughts...

    Looking forward to the next chapter.

    . Rewarded 8

  • Interesting chapter here.

    So late night doc is back and has a cop friend.
    He calls Crisis Center when something sounds serious and six of them end up dead, the last one being Michelle. Hmmm.

    I wonder what Joe will find out.

    I like the banter between Joe and Neil and the brief background on each. Sandy gives a nice comic relief, and ending, to the chapter.

    Let's see what happens next.
    Greg

    . Rewarded 8

    • Thanks for reading and commenting Greg.

      I’m so happy you like it. We are writing this novel so fast we may set a record. 500 pages in three months

      Please keep commenting,

      Geri


  • tallblondie Greeters member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    Some minor grammer/punctuation/spelling errors;
    [5] 'repaired' not 'repair'
    [7] 'of' is unnecessary, as is 'just'
    [15] use single inverted commas around; "...soap and water.." as it is a type.

    I liked this chapter as it brought both more elements in (I presume the protagonist, the cop - for your antagonist, the killer), as well as provided a few 'connect the dots' moments.

    Nice exposition on the new characters introduced.

    Keep writing!

    . Rewarded 8

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