SR Murders1
By Andy Stephenson and Geri Fitzsimmons2
Chapter Three 3
The little plastic bird again struggled forth and the chimes only sang twice.4
The man slowly shook his head as if the cheap clock offended him. So pathetic and worthless, he thought, a replica of the small fragile woman whose head lay on the dinette table across from him. A soft snore came from her nostrils. What a tiny bump of a nose. Worthless. I could hack it off and no one would miss it. He fingered the knife then returned it to its holder. Michelle is killing herself, he reminded himself. “Good girl,” he said aloud and smiled.5
A bit of drool formed in the corner of her tiny mouth. He studied it intently, curious that it hung there without falling away. Rubbing the tips of his fingers together, he felt the urge to wipe it away. “No,” he chastised himself. “Michelle is doing it all. Good girl.” He got up and poured a fresh cup of coffee. He remained standing at the counter while he drank. “Michelle kept things so neat—I must tidy up.” He finished the last gulp and rinsed out and dried the cup, replacing it cupboard.6
Returning to the table he began counting the shallow breaths coming from the woman’s mouth. “One…two…three…really Michelle you are taking a rather long time to expire.” He complained in a gentle tone. “I do wish you would quicken it a bit.” With a napkin, he carefully wiped the outside of the blank prescription bottle he’d retrieved from the table. Then he pressed it into Michelle’s hand making certain both the palm and fingers gripped the surface in the proper manner. The lid was left on the table. 7
They’d discover the bottle contained Norvasc mixed with water. Michelle didn’t have high blood pressure. Oh well, when one desires death, they can find a way to do it. Michelle began to go into convulsion, her body moved of its own volition and he watched the final process as if mesmerized. She jerked, turned and collapsed on the floor. Her coffee cup crashed with her.8
“Good night forever Michelle,” he said like a gentle prayer. Reclaimed his jacket and slipped the leather gloves from the pocket to put on before he eased open the door. The hall was empty. He quietly closed the door behind him. Everything had gone as he planned. He smiled and thought, for such a worthless female Michelle made delicious coffee.9
Pleased with how perfectly the scene played out, he left the building still congratulating himself. Michelle had been easy. Some had been more difficult; but he need not dwell on them now.10
His latest possession was parked in front of a similar building a half block down the avenue. He walked proudly towards it. A beauty, he thought as he admired the expensive automobile gleaming in the early morning sun. 11
Enjoying the feel of the plush interior fabric, he eased the car into traffic. Normally, the droves of yellow taxicabs weaving in and out of lanes irritated him. Not this morning. Ah, but it was a lovely morning. A honk here; I honk there. He snickered and out loud he said, “Honk, honk.” And laughed with vigor. He headed for the George Washington Bridge and out of the city proper.12
At a little after eight, the contented fellow left the parking garage of the new high rise in a private elevator that stopped on the thirteenth floor. The thought that he lived on the thirteenth floor amused him. Many things amused him about his lifestyle especially the lady who paid this outrageous lease.13
She would still be asleep, he realized. So he was extra quiet when he opened his apartment door. He kicked his shoes off in the vestibule before he made his way to his bedroom.14
“I’m awake,” she called out. “No need to walk on tippy-toes.” Strangely her tone didn’t have it usual nasty wake-up bite.15
“I’m sorry Honey. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He paused in the hall, taken back by the open door. She’d left her door open on a weekday—that was odd. Normally, he was only invited in on a weekend when she didn’t have to report for work. “I had some proposals that couldn’t wait.”16
“For once I’m not going to lecture you on that damn twenty four seven job of yours.” She sat up. Sun light came through the window. Two pink nippled creamy breasts come up over a black silk sheet. “I’ve been laying here waiting for you.”17
Damn! He wasn’t anticipating two-way activity. Michelle was still in his mind and he would have enjoyed indulging in fantasy with her. “But it’s nearly eight thirty. You’ll be late at the office.”18
“Surprise Lover! I took the week off. I decided we aren’t spending enough time together. I get home at five thirty. You sleep until six or seven and then rush out of here.”19
“But you were tied up on that…” 20
She interrupted before he could finish. “Not this week.” She cupped her breasts in her palms. “You put in too much time at that ridiculous job. Have you got any energy left?" she asked. "Do you think you can make love to me?"21
Looking down then up at him through fluttering black lashes, she simpered, “Don’t they look lonely and positively appetizing?” She stroked her breasts and lightly pinched the nipples. 22
Her tone and body language advertised she was into her ‘Slave and Master’ routine. It was difficult for him to work up the desire to have sex with her when she was in such a mood, but he knew he had to try to please her or there would be no living it down. Shit! The time and activities required to satisfy her would leave him worn and weary. What a wasted afternoon. There would be no time for Michelle.23
He pulled off his shirt and tossed it on a chair. He kicked off his socks and unbuckled his belt. His slacks pooled around his bare feet and he stepped free of them. “You want me to shower first?” 24
“Wooo I’m hot baby sooo hot. You could smell like garbage collector and it wouldn’t stop me now.” The top sheet flew off. She squirmed around on the silky blackness of the bottom one. Her perfectly tanned skin, nearly hairless body wiggled above manicured toes, a sight to drive most men to distraction.25
If she didn’t have more money than God, he thought, she’d make a fortune in prostitution. Attempting to seem enthusiastic, he moved quickly to claim the lovely body, starting with her toes, he mouthed his way up and down and up the long slender legs. Pausing now and then, to allow his hands to explore above. Tongue and lips tormented her flesh, teeth gently nibbled as she thrashed in pleasure.26
In a list
A bit of editing would help along with opinions [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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So after a morning of killing he goes home and gets laid...Something is definitely wrong with that guys head...so far i still have no clue whether he really works for the crisis line or if that was just a cover up to get inside Michelle's house...but once again it was a good write and I enjoyed it muchly...Keep it up. I'm off to read more.

. Rewarded 6
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This guy sounds like the devil incarnate himself. I know what I'd like to do with him, but i suppose that sort of language is forbidden! You write in such a way that this guy really makes me mad and want to throw up. That poor girl didn't have a chance with him. He loves what he's doing but i cannot see why. This would be a good one for the profilers. They'd sort him out quick smart. Only one error i found.
Paragraph 6 - line 7 ....replacing it 'in' the cupboard. You left that out. I'm off to read chapter four. Great job to both of you.

. Rewarded 8
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Oops--almost missed this

Thanks for catching those booboos (Andy get back here
) See the nice thing about a joint venture is you can blame them on some one else *
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Porfiler
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PS No one has guessed the killer yet.
Geri
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Interesting turn, into the psyche of the killer a bit. The first part of this I felt as if I were still in Chapter 2, almost as if there were no need for a chapter break, but it does diverge towards the end. So...the serial killer has a sugar momma? *laughs* I still feel a little like the killers actions aren't very unified, mostly because I can't quite figure out his motivation, but hopefully you will address that eventually.
Anyways, another good chapter. It's too bad I'm reading so slow - I'll never catch up at this rate! 
Notes:
* Para 12: "And laughed with vigor." This is a sentence fragment. There are cases where a fragment is very effective - more effective than a full sentence - but I don't see this as being one of them. Maybe it's just me.
* Para 17: "breasts come up over..." I think you meant came?
* I think paras 21 and 22 could actually be one paragraph - the dialogue doesn't change person. Just a thought.
* Para 25: "smell like garbage collector" - like A garbage collector.
* Para 26: The sentence that begins with "Attempting to seem enthusiastic" actually seems like two sentences - I think the second sentence starts with "starting with her toes..."
. Rewarded 8
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Previously read and commented...once again Geri and Andy are creating a creepy killer. Read it!
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Interesting chapter here.
So he waits for her to expire and then drives away in her car.
Why doesn't that surprise me?
But then he goes home to his girlfriend? He has a living one?
And she's awake waiting for him and in a frisky mood. How interesting.
So this psycho has another side, or does he?
I guess we'll find out when he's done with her, eh?
I see no errors other than those already covered.
Very interesting story so far.
Let's see what happens next.
Greg

. Rewarded 8
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Some minor grammer/punctuation/spelling errors;
[5] Careful with this; "I could hack it off and no one would miss it." try italizing or using some other way to distinguish it as a thought, other wise it makes it seem as if you have suddenly switched to first person POV
[6]"He finished the last gulp and rinsed out and dried the cup.." replace the first 'and' with 'then' - it is a sequence.
[7] Misuse of the word 'blank'; "blank prescription bottle" try replacing with 'unlabelled'
[8] 'convulsions' not 'convulsion', 'moving' instead of 'moved' "as if" is not needed.
[9] try 'he murmured' rather than just 'he said'
[21] Use some extra detail here; "She cupped her breasts in her palms." add words like 'seductively', 'flirtitiously' to give the reader some emotion on the part of the wife. Otherwise, its comes across as fairly asexual, even though you do go on to describe their interaction in the following paragraphs.
Another good chapter. Good exposition of the killer's 'home life'.
Keep writing!

. Rewarded 8
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I didn't find a whole lot of problems in this chapter. I think you need an "a" right before "garbage collector" in 'graph 25. Other than that, this chapter seemed fairly flawless.
Interesting that the killer has a sugar momma! That makes for an interesting plot twist. I'm hoping you'll explain her role in the future (of course you will!).
So, the killer is a little twisted. Should make an interesting story as we move forward.


. Rewarded 8
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