to a wild rose

Last night's conversation floats back to me.1

"Your father...the reason he's not home anymore..is because he's in jail. For raping a woman.2

She reaches for me, but I run. Run, run, run. "You didn't tell me this before!" Tears streamed down my face. "I trusted you!"3

No one was listening. I was screaming in my sleep. It was Saturday. But somehow, it felt like the earth was breaking apart below my bed, swallowing me, and only me in, then squishing right back, turning off the light, as if it'd never been there.4

I'm losing it. Don't, Rose. I took a drink of water from my bottle on the table by my side. It tasted nasty, which isn't odd, but you know, I'm not the one to talk about odd.5

The sky outside was the strangest shade of aqua blue. As if someone had mixed blue paint with a lot of white and a dash of green and purple, with a touch of magic, then filled in the empty canvas.6

Now that I was awake, I couldn't go back to sleep. So I passed the time by listening to my music player. I didn't realize time had passed so much when the first flicker of sunlight came in through the window, and when I heard my brother.7

"You look like hell." Haha, I thought. He looked me over; disheveled red streaked hair, writing on arms, black shirt, and boxers. Hell? No, just a devil-may-care badass skater. Who's broken both her arms twice, and dislocated an ankle. Sounds fun? Not as fun as going through it.8

"Where's mom?" My voice sounded like an old phonograph. Pitiful. 9

"She's gone. And she said I have to drop you off at the mall. Who's Nancy?"10

"A friend. Just so you know, I can take care of myself. I'm fourteen."11

"Sure, sure." He rolled his eyes. "So sit down and eat. I'm gonna take a shower. When I'm done it's your turn."12

I remember thinking, but I don't remember what I thought about. Perhaps the rose growing in our garden outside the window, or what Nancy and I would do once at the mall, or how Nathan's car was really clean. Like, unnatural obsessive clean. Either ways, we were there before I thought of it.13

He let me out on the pavement. How nice. "Peace," I said. His white Suburban turned a corner and disappeared. I stuck my hands in my pocket and just walked ahead, ignoring the protesting horns of the cars.14

Whoosh. The door opened by itself, and a warm blast of air hit me. Along with a shoe, which I neatly catched. I grinned.15

"Why are you late, your retard?" Nancy asked. Her blonde hair was longer than the last time I saw her, and she'd gotten a tan.16

"I'm not late. I'm just making an entrance," I added a fake bow. "What are we doing?" I asked as I gave back her shoe. 17

"I'm thinking about bowling, then shopping, then having lunch upstairs. Or, you know, jock around for an hour, shop and switch clothes, and then eat."18

"Your second option has me tempted. But my mom doesn't want another call. So we'll have to do petty crimes. Go to Hallmarks, write on their cards, then leave. That kinda shit. Or cheat the quarter phone. And make prank calls."19

She thought about it. "Let's stay out of trouble today. I just got ungrounded. So, I guess we're going with first. Lessss' go!"20

We purposely took our time on the staircase, full of people going up and down, because the escalator was temporarely "out," thanks to my chewing gum. We swung our hands, talked a mile a minute, and ignored everybody's threatening glares.21

Nothing to talk much of about bowling. Nancy and I pretty much tied. After, we went to the photo booth and took pictures of us doing gang signs. We stuck that on our caps and walked like we were the top. 22

We planned to have lunch at a burger place, but I was attracted to a coffee shop by a piano playing. I know, a skater, who knows how to play piano!? As weird as it may seem, I've been taking lessons for six years. Mesmerized, I walked toward the source of the sound, the Perfect Cup. Nancy stood staring with bug eyes. I ignored her and strolled in.23

The lights were dim, but bright enough so that you couldn't mistake the balding counterman for say, a hat rack. In the fartherest corner, a baby grand piano sat, with an angel playing. Representing its potential.24

I walked around the room and came up behind the piano. I took a chair and sat down. I could hear the medium's even breathing, and the harmonic taste of the air. His long fingers danced across the keyboard. The melody could be GELASSEN, quiet and calm, then MESTO, sad the next. Still it held its dreamlike apparatus.25

"I - I wanna learn that," I stuttered. I didn't realize what I had said until I noticed I was gripping my hands too hard, a sign of nervousness, and I blushed.26

He chuckled softly. "Nice song, huh?"27

I couldn't speak. I made a pathetic attempt at replying; I hope he could understand.28

"Yeah, I know. I've been playing here for a little extra money the past six months. What's your name? I'm Jagger."29

"I'm Rosaline. But don't call me that. I prefer Rosie."30

"You look like a freshman. Do you go to Service?"31

Already discussing where we go to school. Soon, we would exchange phone numbers, and ahh..I was lost in fairy tale land. I shook my head at both him and my thoughts, and said, "No. I'm an eighth grader at Hanshew."32

The audience finished applauding, and he moved on to Schubert, "Fantasy in F Minor."33

"I'm a senior at the high school. Hey, you said something about wanting to learn this piece. It's called, "To A Wild Rose." He winked, and I blushed.34

After Schubert, he suggested that I try playing. I did well, I think, while in the presence of the angel Gabriel reincarnated; Beethoven, Chopin, Yiruma. I connected with their art, and briefly, their souls.35

The applaud was loud. But over it, I could hear Jagger say to me, "that was beautiful."36

Time rush again. Two hours had passed. Nancy was already gone. I had half an hour before Nathan would come pick me up. I started to go, but the counterman came and paid us each ten dollars. "Good job today," he grunted, and walked off.37

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Jagger lightly grabbed my wrist. I could have fallen from his touch. "I'm going to give you a copy of MacDowell."38

"Please. But my brother's coming soon, so could you hurry?"39

"No pr'blem." It was already in his hands. His beautiful, white hands. Tough, yet soft from years of playing.40

I just grabbed it and ran. I felt guilty. "Sorry! Peace!" I yelled over my shoulder.41

That night, I dreamed about a bird flying free. And the bird was enveloped in the strangest shade of aqua blue, tinted with a touch of magic.42

"Who's Jagger?" Nathan questioned at the table. He had a frown on.43

"Somebody I met at the mall yesterday. Why?"44

"You were yelling his name in your sleep last night."45

I blushed. "He's a senior at Service who plays at the Perfect Cup for extra money."46

His frown deepened. "I know him."47

I sat, puzzled. "Why do you look, and sound so disappointed?"48

"No reason." He straightened himself, then got up to leave. "I got work. Don't get jumped." And he briskly walked out the door.49

Wow. I guess I'm lucky I don't have a dad, because I bet life would be harder with another male around.50

I locked the door after grabbing a granola bar, and just skated around the city, with my music player turned on all the way. It was annoying to have to yield to traffic signs, so I rode on. At a bus bench where I rested, a hand tapped my shoulder.51

Guess who it was? The person who starred in my dreams last night. I never noticed before, but he wasn't that much taller than me. And his eyes were the strangest shade of blue. Like the sky.52

My board tripped during that Zenful meeting. I caught myself neatly, but my music player went flying. At least, it seemed to me; it landed on the sidewalk. Jagger picked it up and examined it.53

"'As I Lay Dying?'" he questioned as he gave it back to me. "You really are a hellborn child."54

I stuck my tongue out as I stuffed my MP3 in my pocket and carried the board in my arms. I couldn't speak, partly because of the heat, of the sun's light, and the person walking beside me.55

"What are you doing out here?" he asked. The breeze caused by the passing cars ruffled his hair. I caught a glimpse of a scar on his forehead. 56

I contained my horror. "Just walking around. You?"57

"Same as you." He must have seen my expression, because he lifted his hair to show the scar again, and casually said, "oh, that happened when I was skating."58

"You skate?" I was amazed. "I never took you for the type." Pause here. "Do you know Nathan Lee?"59

His eyes turned cheery. "Yeah. 'Bout him?"60

"I spoke to my brother about you, and it seems he hates you."61

"Whoa. Stop. Nathan's your brother?"62

Nod.63

He almost fell laughing. "Man, I'm sorry he had to be your brother! See, he hates me because I'm going to Berkeley, and he isn't."64

Berkeley, California. "You're going to the university there? Wow, you must be really smart! Ivy League smart."65

He merely nodded. Then he suddenly turned a corner and went in through the door. "Come on," he said. "I'm playing again tonight."66

I recognized the building as the mall. Ugh, I'm so dumbwitted! I followed him in, and the cool air inside was a blessing. We went upstairs and entered the same dim lit room. Past the tables smelling of coffee and bakery and seated by people. 67

Jagger sat down at the piano, and he invited me to sit with him. He opened a folder of music that had been on the floor, and took out Winston's 'Rainsong.'
He sat to the left of the middle C, and let me play the upper voice, the treble clef.68

When he hit a low key, and held it, it reminded me of a bead of water falling; and the flowing overnotes, of a cascading river. When it was done, the music still lingered, echoing as if for eternity. For only us. A heat wave hit me.69

He got up, and told me it was lunch break. We agreed we would meet back here in half an hour. While downstairs, I saw Joseph. He motioned me over, and we talked. I told him what I found out about dad, but I didn't tell him about Jagger. After I was done, I went upstairs. But at the top of the staircase, I saw Nathan frowning, and Jagger, smiling.70

Nathan saw me, and just left. No greeting, just left. Confused, I turned to Jagger, and he explained to me.71

"Your brother thinks I'm a bad person. Now," he continued, leaving me no room to protest, "he thinks that way because I live with my brothers. I don't have a dad, like you, Rose.72

"I also don't have a mom. She was a drug addict, so she left me and my two older brothers by ourselves. My brothers decided to watch me, since they were old enough. That was six years ago.73

"Lately, they've lost their jobs. I play here on the weekends, and work two part time jobs on the weekdays. I support both myself and them." He looked thoughtful. "I know that makes me a good person, but my brothers got fired, because they've been fighting other employees, and sometimes wouldn't show up for work. Nathan believes I'll follow in their footsteps."74

I spoke up. "What about Berkeley?" That word alone was enough to summon various emotions onto his face. 75

He quickly hid it up with a smile. "I'll find a way."76

Summer was almost over. The weeks had passed the same as the week I had met Jagger. But my dreams changed. Instead of a blue sky and a bird, I was in it, and I was surrounded by a white light. That's what told me something was happening. Something was.77

"Hey." Jagger's smile was too happy. Too fake. Or maybe it was just the sun. "I have something to tell you. I'm going to Berkeley."78

Oblivious as I am, I couldn't find out the meaning of this news, so I just congratulated him, and said the usual stuff, like oh we're so proud of you. I looked at him expectedly; he appeared tense.79

"I'm moving to California."80

That woke me up. I can't remember what happened next; I know I cried, and I know he hugged me and stuff.81

"When?" I asked when I was done bawling.82

"Tonight."83

That brought on another episode of tears. Once again, he held me and let me ruin his shirt. But what was most unexpected was that he kissed me. A kiss, of unspoken promises and eagerness.84

"I love you," his cool breath tickling my ear.85

That was enough to stop me crying. But the realization of the words he had just presented to me struck a new chord, and I yelled at him. 86

"I love you too!"87

I could see through my muddled eyes Jagger waving goodbye.88

I fell on the ground crying. People stopped to look at me. An elderly man asked me, "what's wrong? Are you lost?"89

"Nothing's wrong. I'm not lost," I lied.90

In my head I screamed, everything's wrong! I'm lost in love. I can no more see into his strange blue eyes.