Aloness in my world

I escape the world by running1

running through the forest to reach my world reach my freedom 2

to reach my thoughts 3

to get away from all the bad things4

to be free and open minded I just run and run through the forest 5

it clears my head of all the bugging and teasing walking down 6

those dreadful halls of torture and pain7

I want to be free and speak my mind8

I wanna stop living from under the shadows stop hiding who 9

I am, stop hiding myself10

people should listen to me listen to what i have to say 11

listen to my world and what it gives12

giving hope and comfort and tell you not to give up your 13

dreams tells you to not give up14

and keep going always pushing forward and never live in the 15

shadows again16

my thoughts that tell me to give up and that I'm not worth it 17

its hard having family problems too18

it is hard not having friends having nothing to look up to 19

having nothing to live up too nothing......20

when I run i feel all better and put the bad things aside21

and not worry about them but when I'm put in this awful22

stupid world that is real it breaks me my mine set on my 23

problems and just tying to get through the day24

but the nature of life gives me hope and courage each day 25

getting better better until i break down and start to cry 26

feeling the bad things take over and reach the end the end of 27

me the end of my world i reached it's limits that it has to 28

give each time needing more and more comfort and happiness 29

something that my body and mind never felt in along time

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • StreetRoller
    September 22
    Edit | Reply
    Holy, when did you write this poem lol? It was very good. I sure should come and check ur poems more often lol.


  • Elegant Inspirer
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    Going for walks is always good for clearing the mind and I love walking late at night when the world is quiet. ermmmm... quieter.
    I really really liked it. Nice work.
    Ell


  • Olinda
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    very good. just enter ur favorite band book and song and you will be counted


  • Simply Beautiful
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    This looks like a really good poem but could you please check the rules and make the appropriate chages? Thank you. I'll go back and comment on the poem after you message me telling me you made the changes or I'll check on it later.

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    May 24

    Edit | Reply

    You do a marvelous job in the way you use lyrical writing.

    Hello and thank you for entering the contest .

    You do a marvelous job in the way you use lyrical writing. The words flow along and carry your ideas without a slip.

    Life’s trials can be very complicated and thorny for a teenager. Adults tend to forget just how difficult and often lonely they were themselves during those years.

    Maturity changes most of our outlook perhaps out of necessity but I enjoyed reading this well written poem. It is easy to follow and very emotional.

    Geri


  • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
    May 24

    Edit | Reply

    Lots of Emotion

    There is lots of emotion and feeling in this poem. I see that you have entered a lot of contests with this poem. There are a lot of challenges for a person at any age, but at the teen years they can seem really tough. It seems in this poem, if it is about you; that you are struggling to be recognized.

    Thanks for entering 'For Writers Fourteen Or Under'.

    Andy


  • wolfmoonsasuke
    April 25
    Edit | Reply

    Cool

    I liked it, it's good.


  • SnowFlakeWolf Greeters member
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty good. ^^ Keep penning and good luck in the contest. Thanks for entering.
    Eci :


  • Katty
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    awww.... this is the reason I love poetry, to express emotions and get feelings out. This definitely portrayed that. You really captured all of the emotion and struggle you were feeling. Excellent job and thanks for entering!

    *KAT*


  • silverpen
    April 9
    Edit | Reply
    oh this is so sad. But I think you wrote it well. Life is hard and it will always be thats why when you find good thinds and good people to fill your life with it makes it not so bad.


  • Ghost of a Siren
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    There were a lot of grammar and spelling errors, but it seemed from the heart. Good luck.


  • AshE
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    There were a few errors but I can live with that. A great poem and a good use of enjambement which I really enjoyed reading.


  • Silverwit
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    You had a few typos and grammatical errors but the poem was good nonetheless. You explained your 'getaway' remarkably and you were able to portray emotion in the piece. So, good job!


  • ForestFaery
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    Other than a few grammar problem I liked it. It was both intersting and captivating at the same time. I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a story or a poem... in the format I thought it was a poem but it had no rythm so you must tell me. Other than that I loved it. Good luck in the contest!


  • ParadoxicalOxymoron
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Vert heartfelt. My favorite part is lines 6-7 and 15-16. Just a couple of edits first:
    1. In lines 11, 21, 26, and 28, you might want to capitalize "i."
    2. In line 10, "iam" should be "I am," I think.
    3. In line 20, "too" should be "to."

    I think that this poem has great potential and I can totally relate to it. Thanks for entering! Good luck and keep writing!


  • crosscountry07 gold member
    March 20
    Edit | Reply
    I can relate to this piece! You made me feel as though I was right there watching you run thru the forest, because of all the crap in life. I run to get away too, great write! Good luck! -Liz

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    March 20

    Edit | Reply
    I almost started crying reading this, I could very well have written it. Now that you've fixed the spacing problums so I can read it.

    A few things.
    You need to fix a few typing errors, you switched words around in a few places, and missed a space or two.
    Capitalize your I's
    Try and fix where you broke off your lines so some arn't so long and others short. Plus in a few spots you broke them in an off place (lines 6-7, 9-10...)

    This was overall good, powerful, emotional.

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    March 20
    Edit | Reply

    Disqualafied, sorry.

    I don't think this is a poem, it has no lines or stanzas, infact it is lacking grammer. It is if anything a rant, you may re-enter it if you make it into an acrual poem. It was diffecult to follow, and needs some serous grammer and spell checking. I think you could make this into something good, it just needs more work and time.


  • LostSoulOfRage
    March 20
    Edit | Reply
    thnx for entering the contest. this is really good. i like it a lot. you have no punctuation at all which takes away from this peice. it could be so much better if you made this paragraph into sentences. its a really good peice. great job and good luck. keep it up.

  • Coltsfinatic
    March 19
    Edit | Reply
    good.


  • B Chandler Greeters member
    March 19

    Edit | Reply

    Removed

    The reason you are being removed is because this is a members only contest which makes this contest closed to the SW public


  • dustbunni3
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    This was quite emotional, the one problem I found with it was your punctuation.. Other than that, this was pretty good.. Great job and good luck in the contest. If you care to revise a bit, you are welcome to do so and re-enter the contest Thank you,

    Ana


  • Xtclozer-
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    Hehe, I am going to comment on all of your things I like this. good job!


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    March 7

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for sharing

    It is a good emotional piece with a good message. It kind of skirts the border of the actual contest but still addresses the issue. Good luck in your placement


  • HoneyAngel
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is pretty good.

    Few mistakes that are easily fixed.

    Good luck.

    Angel

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