He found himself staring at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen—he wanted her, but knew he couldn’t have her. A man was holding her hand and she was smiling. The smile only highlighted her beauty. She was completely absorbed in whatever her date was saying. He wished a woman would look at him with such trust and adoration. 1
He knew he should stop staring and go to work, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from her wavy dark hair and bright blue eyes. He’d never believed in love at first sight, but now he wanted to walk up to her and tell her how beautiful she was. How he could see himself raising a family with someone just like her. But it sounded so incredibly corny that she’d probably laugh in his face. No, she probably wouldn’t even hear him. In the last few minutes her smile hadn’t faded even the slightest. 2
She was the perfect picture of a woman in love. Even when she reluctantly pulled her hand from his and started digging around in her purse for something, she never took her eyes off her date. He sighed with regret and walked away. She would spend the rest of the night thinking about little else but her date while he was off to spend another night making small talk with Buella the janitor.3
She pulled out the can of pepper spray she kept in her purse just in case something like this happened to her. Her fake smile disappeared as she sprayed her date in the eyes and he screamed in pain. Another wasted night with another jerk. Where were all the nice men? How on earth was she supposed to settle down and raise a family when she couldn’t meet a decent man? 4
Author notes
I'm Mnemosnye. I don't usually write this kinda stuff, but I figured I'd give it a shot. I wrote it pretty quick so I'm looking forward to some honest reviews. I used a couple of the sentences from the contest.
A contest entry
- whisper to me [♥] by always feel pretty.
325 points, ended March 25, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Stories with great twists by Melancholic Smile.
650 points, ended June 19, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Good twist! I totally did not see that coming and that's what I was looking for in this contest! I like the serious mixed with humour and your use of descriptions was great as well! Good luck and thank you for entering!
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I loved this. You write so well, and with beautiful description. The 1st paragraph caught my attention immediately. I love the humor of this, as well. I wasn't expecting it at first, but it was a welcome surprise. Great job.
-jj
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OH MY GAWD! ahaha!!! That was soo sad...and funny in a way. The girl I like. She's ssoooo fierce! hehe. It's very beautifully written and the descriptions are incredibly glittery. very very amazing. I like it lots!! Hoozah!
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Haha! That was great. "How on earth was she supposed to settle down and rais a family when she couldn't meet a decent man?" So true, especially when the decent men just walk away because they think they don't have a shot. Hilarious. I loved it. Good job.
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Wow. I love this. I can't believe you ended it!
I was like, I want more. 
Honest reviews, huh? Well, I honestly did love this. It was good, but two things.
1. Break up your one paragraph a bit. It just makes it easier to read.
2. "Even when she reluctantly pulled her hand from hers" [should be 'his']. I didn't notice anything other than that - although, I'm not much of a grammar freak.
And for not usually writing this kind of stuff - I was honestly surprised. This was really good...now, if there was more to it...*hint, hint* I want more. I want to know what happens next. It's like this really good book, that builds up all this tension and then BOOM! It stops.
Like I've said before, this was REALLY good and I did enjoy it.
I love how you used two of my sentence thingies. YAY!
good job and good luck in the contest.
thanks for entering!
erica[♥]xoxo!!!
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Thanks. I'll look into it right away. It was meant to just kind of leave the reader hanging. I'm honestly too busy with other things right now to continue it. I've got four projects I'm working on already.
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Ohh. It looks pretty. I read it without the pretty background.
Anyway, if it was meant to leave me hanging - it did. If you do continue it, you'll have to tell me because I really loved it.
*smiles* I love how both sentences just seemed to work perfectly together. YAY!
erica[♥]xoxo -
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That's why I had to write it. Those two lines just worked together so well.
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I'm glad you did.
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Oh, snap!
That was really good. I was totally fooled... the ending was awesome. Excellent.
DarkOne -
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Thanks. It's for a contest. I saw the line about the pepper spray and the one about the beautiful woman....They just fit together so well.
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