A Follower- Chapter One

“Jordan! Are you dressed yet? We have to leave in ten minutes!” Elaine yelled through her sixteen year old daughter’s locked bedroom door. She moved through the hallway picking up toys and loose clothes on the floor. 1

“Landon, Trace what did I tell you about leaving your toys in the hallway?” Her eight and ten year old ran past her, screaming with another of many daily arguments. 2

Seven o’clock in the morning, never too early for bickering, huh? She blew the rich chestnut out of her eyes and took in a deep breath. Grabbing her sons firmly in their arms before they could run past her again she bent down to their height. 3

“Put your shoes on, comb your hair, and go downstairs, now.” The young boys nodded in agreement and hurried away. Elaine raised back up and Jordan’s door opened. Her teen daughter looked at her through dark makeup. Her beautiful blonde hair was streaked neon pink, a complete change from what it was the day before. Wearing a short plaid miniskirt and converse sneakers, she stood leaning an arm on her doorway and shrugged at her mother’s disapproving stare. 4

“That skirt is too short…and Jordan, what did you do to your hair?”5

“What? You don’t like it?”, she asked, twirling a piece through her fingers. 6

“No, I love it.” Elaine said sarcastically. “Are you ready? You guys are going to be late for school. 7

“Yes, mother. Jeeze, you are getting so uptight in your old age.” Jordan grabbed her backpack from her room and stormed passed her mother and down the stairs. Elaine could feel her ears getting hot, a sign of embarrassment or frustration sense she was a child. Elaine had been feeling old these days and looking at her young daughter’s petite figure and slim waist only made her feel worse. She looked at her reflection through a mirror in the hallway. Not bad for forty-one, Laine. I mean you’re still pretty fit, and you still have your dark hair, not a grey in sight. The truth was, she far from being in bad shape. A lot of men still craned their neck when she walked by, including men twenty years her junior. She had round tawny eyes and a overpowering smile that people couldn’t resist. She smiled with a hint of satisfaction and made her way downstairs. 8

Jordan was sitting at the table and the boys were sitting on the floor tying their shoe laces. 9

“Look at this mom, there is a serial killer in the area. He has already killed four girls, and two more are still missing.” She raised the Seattle Source, the local newspaper and Elaine grasped it. On the front cover were bold letters that read, ‘THE SEATTLE STRANGLER RAISES HIS DEATH TOLL TO FOUR ‘. Elaine placed it on the kitchen table and looked at her daughter. 10

“Jordan, I don’t know if you should go out dressed like that with this psycho path running amuck.” 11

“Don’t worry mom, he only kills older women. All of his victims have been over thirty. I think you should be the one worrying.” There we go with the “old thing” again, I cant wait till this child starts getting wrinkles. 12

“Thanks for the warning.” Elaine grabbed her car keys off the counter and walked to the front door. 13

“Come on guys, lets get going.” Elaine got into her maroon minivan and put on her seatbelt. Checking the rearview mirror to see if her sons were buckled in she started the car. Driving through the winding street that made up part of her subdivision she waved to a few neighbors and flashed them fake smiles. God, sometimes I really feel like I am living in a neighborhood with the Stepford wives. She pulled onto the main road and looked over at her daughter. Totally in her own world, Jordan was banging her head to music blaring from her ipod’s headphones. Elaine smiled to her self and continued driving to the elementary school were her sons attended. She pulled into the front driveway were the student drop-off was and eased the car to a stop. Trace, ten, reached over and slid the side door open. 14

“Bye mom!” He jumped out and Landon followed. 15

“Bye, you two. Be good at school today, I love you.” 16

“Love you too.” They said together and ran to the other kids that were walking to the school’s door. She waited until she seen them safely inside before driving off. 17

“You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to tell your brothers you love them once in awhile.” 18

“Eh, they’ll be alright.” Jordan replied and looked out her window. Elaine drove the two miles to reach the high school but before she could pull in Jordan stopped her. 19

“Mom, wait. You can drop me off here.” Jordan said undoing her seatbelt.20

“Why?” 21

“Just because okay.” Avoiding an argument she stopped the van. 22

“Bye Jordan, I love you.” 23

“Yeah mom, love you too.” Jordan hurried out of the van and raced over to a teenage boy that was walking. Oh now I see Jordan. You didn’t want your little boyfriend to see me huh? Elaine got back on the street and purposely drove back passed Jordan and rolled down the window. 24

“Bye kitten, see you when you get home!” Jordan snapped her head to look at her mom and her face was bright red with embarrassment. Elaine fought back laughter as she drove away and to start the daily routine of a stay at home mom.25

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • MysticalRayne
    March 11, 2008
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    I really enjoyed this - Yes I think you should finish this piece Good luck in your contest.


  • DeadlyTurnip
    March 8, 2008
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    Okay I have a few things I suggest... there was kind of a long intro before you got to what I think was the plot. Also, you switch your point of view a lot, starting out with first person and switching to third sometimes.

    Overall though, I thought it was pretty good Nice description


  • xxmomoxxx
    March 6, 2008
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    haha, nice story.


  • Shah Z
    March 6, 2008

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    all right, nice story. but i need to read more to give you any comment to help you improve. keep writing


  • B Chandler Greeters member
    March 6, 2008

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    Commentary

    I like this 'mundane' everyday kind of feel to this write because it gives an insight of what goes on in the everyday life of a mother and the children. A real good sense of realism. Keep penning


  • callthexylophone
    March 6, 2008
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    this was the whole story?

1 - 7 of 7