Stonehenge: Picnic Table of the Gods

Aludar, High Chief of the confederation of Neolithic tribes that dotted what is now the Salisbury Plain of Britain, grunted in satisfaction as he surveyed the feverish preparations of his people. No less than ten men struggled to place the last flagon of mead on the flat stone slab, rolling the huge, heavy bladder up the makeshift wooden ramp. And what a flagon it was. The complete hide of a large bull, beheaded, its insides deftly removed, and its anus stitched tight and sealed with pitch. Where there was once a proud head, now a plug of a section of wooden tree trunk sealed the body, bound tight with strands of rough cording and sealed with more sticky pine pitch.1


The high priest of the sanctuary, a toothless, wizened, grey beard wearing an absurd headdress made from the antlered head of a magnificent roebuck, gazed furtively at the center stone, soon to be illuminated through the aperture in just minutes. He knew that momentarily their guests would arrive.2


A man on top of the high stone circle gesticulated widely and pointed west as faint, bird like apparitions crested the low hills. And then a beautiful young woman, also on the stone ring, shrieked, but could not point, for she was bound at her wrists and feet. But all heard her piercing scream and looked east to where she looked, as more of the strange, birdlike shapes were approaching from this direction. 3


Aludar cursed, and ordered the men to quickly remove the last ramp and scaffolding, so it would seem the huge, beverage filled hides, roasted pigs, great bowls of steaming, spiced porridge and living women had somehow materialized on the high ring of stones as if by magic. Over a decade of blood, sweat, and tears went into the construction of the remarkable monument, and now he would see if his fearsome God and his companions would appreciate it.4


The airborne entities moved incredibly fast, and if anyone had thought they were birds, they quickly learned their folly. For now their enormous size could be discerned, and writhing tails, and wings more like bats, than birds, and ominous thumping sounds each time the leather-like membrane wings stroked down.5


Everyone ran to their places, for it had been rehearsed many times, and although it was the first time here, at the grand stone henge, all but the youngest had performed the same ritual at the smaller wood henge, visible in the distance.6


The winged gods were now overhead, stalling and gliding, courteously waiting for Kalinaptryx, the scarlet-scaled 'shepherd' of this flock of humanity to take his rightful place place at the head of the remarkable stone table.7


Despite his size and bulk, the red reptile landed gracefully , and smugly watched the expressions of wonder and jealousy in the cat-like eyes of his guests as they each took positions around the circle in accordance to their status. 8


Closest to, and flanking their host landed the highly respected Enki and Enlil, brothers, and the greatest Gods of the land between the Tigris and Euphrates, that would be called Mesopotamia. The prideful Enki was mortified to see these backward northern barbarians had built a greater edifice than anything ever seen in the southern lands where the Gods first shepherded the humans, and made them greater than the other primates. Once, his great pleasure garden, Ed-en, as the humans called it, with its exotic, fruit-bearing trees that Enki himself had gathered from around the world, was the center of attention when it was his turn to entertain the others, but the novelty of the garden had long worn off, and it now nothing compared to this. 9


Next seated closest to the host were those friends who had traveled the farthest, the golden scaled Quin Li from the other side of the world, and from across the enormous ocean to the west came the emerald green Kuculcan, who would be better known by his future name Quetzalcoatl, just as Enki of the Garden would ultimately be called Yahweh, and his worshippers would eventually forget he was the entity that they would later call a dragon, despite the accounts in their sacred book of his fiery breath, enormous wings, and appetite for unblemished calves, lambs, and Midianite virgins. 10


Soon the stone circle was ringed by huge reptilian bodies, each with its own table space delineated by the stone pillars, that raised the bountiful offerings at such a perfectly convenient height for their dining pleasure.11


The humans evidently thankful that they were not on the table, but on the ground below, chanted songs of welcome and praise, and in turn each great serpent gave nods of genuine respect to the resourceful chieftain, Aludar, whose tribe had engineered this marvel of human grit and ingenuity. And this was not lost on the gawking chiefs of every tribe of the great island and many from the easterly continent, invited to see this wonder. Who would dare make war on Aludar with so many gods as his personal guests, both his follower and potential adversaries believed.12


With formalities and ceremonies completed, the feasting began. Humans of rank sat at wooden tables erected inside the ring of stones, and those of lesser status sat along an immense round table of hewn planks supported by smaller stones, that ringed the great table of stone reserved for the gods.13


Each great reptile had its equal portion, a pair of live, shapely virgins of tender age, a score of roasted young swine, a huge bowl of spiced grain porridge and two full bull hides of drink, one of beer and one of mead, enough to intoxicate even a creature of several tons. 14


Most of the gods received virgins tethered with rawhide thongs, spoils of war, and there against their will, but the local god in the seat of honor, and his closest associates, received those rare women of the local tribe who volunteered and genuinely wanted to sate the hunger of the sky gods, knowing their sacrifice would insure life-giving rain, bountiful crops, and protection against their enemies, and more selfish reasons besides.15


Plied with drink beforehand, the bravest of the volunteers danced for their devourers, or dared to strike up conversations, and even joke with them. For the whole year prior to this festival, the secret talk of the women as they went about their chores, often led to the events of this fabled night, and how it was said that no man how virile, no other experience in the wide world, could equal the ecstasy which the gods bestowed on their offerings before their ultimate demise. 16


As the night wore on, some of the inebriated gods began to dance and strut on the tabletop, relating stories and adventures to their fellows, and imitating the dances of the humans on the ground. If this had been the old wood henge it would be broken down by the revelry, as happened so many times in the past, but the massive stones of the new feasting table stood firm.17


Some of the women who were not sacrifices, but bereft of good sense by the powerful drink that they too imbibed in the revelry, begged to be devoured too, and if scorned by a god far to bloated to take another, in their lust-minded state, even crawled into the drooling, half opened mouths of gods already lulled to sleep by the strong drink and heavy meal. 18


Enki-Yahweh, jealous and sullen that his Garden of Eden, (where similar parties had once been conducted), paled to insignificance when compared to this wondrous stone table made by such primitive human bumpkins. There were no stones of substantial size in the sandy desert lands he ruled, and structures had to be made of mud bricks, that would be crushed to powder if great dragons attempted to dance on them as they did here tonight, so a similar grand banquet table was out of the question. 19


In spite, he bolted down his virgins without pleasure or ceremony, cruelly depriving them of the ecstasy they had sacrificed their very existence to experience. Then he slowly nursed his bullhide flagon of mead, contemplating how the exertions and ingenuity of his own human flock could surpass this remarkable edifice, so he would once again become the center of attention and most respected host of his fellow gods. 20


Then the revelation came to him and he split a great dragonish grin that revealed his wicked batteries of ivory teeth. He made a mental note of how much space the great round stone table occupied, and he understood what he would press his human worshippers to do. They would make for him an enormous spiraling, mudbrick tower that would culminate in a flat platform hundreds of feet high, where all of these same dragon friends would be invited to a great festival similar to this one.21


And so it came to be. Years of back-breaking human labor far greater than that which created the fabulous dragon festival table of stone on the Salisbury Plain, would be expended in building his party platform in the sky, majestically towering above the rivers and deserts of the Fertile Crescent. Centuries later, when its novelty wore off, future humans forgot the platform's original purpose. The dragon gods also eventually disappeared, with their work of civilizing mankind accomplished, a greater power ordered their return to the seas, to be occasionally discerned as no more than fleeting "sea serpents" even to this day.22


And when the ancient stories were finally written down, the ruin of Enki-Yahweh's mud brick party platform in the sky still stood, but its original purpose was forgotten. The later chroniclers could only guess that it was originally intended to be a much taller tower, continually spiralling up until the spiral ended. It could only be surmised that the great God caused the work to be halted, and falsely believed that the 'Tower of Babel', as it came to be known, was never completed. 23