Flashback

She sat there by the window, watching the raindrops splatter on the ground outside. Images of the past summer filled her mind. 1

*****2

She pulled on his hand, a huge smile spread across her face.3

“Baby, come on. Just for a minute?”4

He grinned and grabbed her arm, pulling her tightly to him.5

“It’s pouring out there.”6

He softly kissed her lips.7

She pretended to pout, crossing her arms over her chest. She leaned back against his strong grip, knowing he wouldn’t let her fall. 8

He looked out from under the garage at the pouring rain outside. Looking back down to her, he sighed. He loosened his grip on her and held out his hand.9

Her smile widened and she grabbed him, pulling him out of the safe shelter from the oncoming storm. Rain splashed down on both of them, drenching their clothes in a matter of seconds. She twirled around, her skirt flaring out as she spun. 10

Just as she was about to fall, he grabbed her and held her close. He smiled at her, softly playing with her hair. 11

“I love you.”12

“I love you too.”13

He picked her up, wrapping her legs around him. Smiling, she bent down and kissed him. A kiss not of passion, but filled utterly with love. The way all of their kisses were.14

*****15

A tear ran down her face. She thought of how much she would give to go back to that. She wondered if he thought about those times too. Probably not. He had let go. Stopped caring. Only a week ago. She had hardly spoken since.16

*****17

She held the phone closer to her ear. He was being quiet today. 18

“Happy seven months, baby”19

She was sure he could hear the smile in her voice.20

“Happy seven months”21

She frowned. He sounded upset. Or uncaring, she wasn’t quite sure. 22

“Baby, what’s wrong?” She was beginning to feel anxious.23

“Nothing, baby. Don’t worry about it.”24

Something about the way he said it sounded unconvincing.25

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything”26

A heavy sigh came through the other end. The pit in her stomach was growing deeper. He’d never acted like this before. 27

He started to speak, then stopped.28

“Baby, what is it?”29

He sighed again, this time sounded irritated.30

“I can’t do this.”31

“Do what?”32

“This. Any of this. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”33

She heard a click, then dial tone. Her heart stopped beating.34

*****35

More tears streamed down. She thought of the times she’d fallen asleep in his arms. The conversations ‘til 3 in the morning. How safe she used to feel… All her friends asked if she was okay, but she ignored them. They wouldn’t understand even if she tried to tell them. To them it would be just another break-up. To her it was her world gone up in smoke. 36

She couldn’t tell if the rain was slowing down or getting harder. Her line of vision was blurry. The lines of their song played in her head. 37

“You can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming38

Or the moment of truth in you lies39

When everything feels like the movies40

Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive.”41

The cold metal was barely pressed against her skin. She couldn’t see what she was doing. She pressed down harder. A small throbbing of pain erupted from her arm as something warm trickled down. The song was right. Without him, she didn’t feel alive. Except for this. This made her alive. She put down the blade and wiped away her tears. 42

She could see the mark left. It was deep. Deeper than the others. She looked at all the ones scabbed over, barely old enough to start becoming scars. She looked back out the window, watching the rain trickle down like the blood on her skin. 43

She felt dizzy and weak. She wanted to stand up. She put her hand down, but the feel of wood wasn’t there. Instead, something sticky. She looked down to find a pool of blood dripping onto the floor. Panic flooded through her. She was getting weaker. She wanted to run, but couldn’t. Slowly, she laid down. The blood oozed into her clothes and hair. She suddenly saw more vividly than ever. She saw him standing next to her. So close…44

She reached out to touch him, but found she couldn’t move. She felt tired, sleepy. She wanted to close her eyes, but was afraid he'd disappear. He smiled down at her just as she remembered. His eyes were filled with love for her.45

“I love you.”46

Tears streamed down again. How she’d wanted to hear him say that. How she wanted to believe he hadn’t forgotten. 47

“I love you too.”48

Her voice came out in a broken whisper. Satisfied, she closed her eyes. She fell asleep, dreaming one last dream of him.49

She didn’t wake up.