IN the forests of central Russia, the lands bordering carefully on Siberia, a profound, incorrigible silence is the natural consequence of winter. It is a silence which fills the canopy of sparse treetops, which hangs low - ominous, brutal, affecting - upon the damp, white powder. In the morning, the quiet is interrupted only briefly by the sounds of waking.1
Vasily heaps snow into the tin kettle with mitted hands, liberally - the fire is already roaring at the back of the cave, as it has been all week. It has not been allowed to die. A pale snowshoe hare can be seen in the underbrush, sniffing shrubs and growth selectively. As the kettle makes first contact with the flame, it begins to hiss.2
The perforations in the lid release a brief whiff of mist, and the wind in the cave carries it wafting out into the thicket. It burns Vasily's tender fingers, and he holds his rifle closer. Beginning to rock, he tries to keep the blood moving. Keep the limbs awake. Fight the numbness, tooth and nail we fight the numbness.3
Not a soul moves in the forest but the jackrabbit, who hops heedlessly through the ankle-deep permafrost. It sniffs at a snatch of boysenberry. In his childhood, Vasily heard the stories of rabbit who stole the sun. 4
He raises his rifle.5
In the safety of his rifle's trapezoid sights, the rabbit seems, somehow, less threatening. Less like a hostile presence interrupting the sobriety of the wood, and more like the handmaid of a tyrant, baleful and oppressed. It seems so placid.6
Vasily begins to tighten his pull on the trigger, easing it towards the breaking point, towards the instant when parts inside the action will move and heat will spring out and a shot will issue and Vasily, for once, will be fed. He has killed wolves before: wolves, and bears, and insects, and other wildlife, but the rabbit seems so harmless. Vasily releases the trigger, and lowers the rifle. One deep breath - it fills his lungs and his veins and his mind and he feels breathless and eager. In a quick motion, he raises the gun again to his eyes - he holds his breath - then he fires. The rabbit cooes, a quick and mild sigh in the silence, and a blossom of warm blood sprouts from its chest in splendour. Vasily's fire sparks and leaps with anticipation.7
The silence returns.8
Vasily walks out and fetches the hare, begins to cut it under each leg and between them, and down the spine and between the ears, and with a swift tug it falls out of its skin. Vasily begins to slice and cut and filet the tendons to free the oily muscle, when he hears a padding. A wolf, or a dog - just a puppy - bounds into sight, begins sniffing with disapproval and disappointment at the bloodstain on the ground. It whimpers slightly. Vasily's fire groans and the logs collapse, sending sparks and debris spiraling into the roof of the cave.9
Then it raises its head and met Vasily with startling amber eyes, and its ears perk up, and it bares its teeth. Vasily picks up his rifle, hastily and terrified, ready to end the animal's life before it can attack. The dog is growling and Vasily prepares to fire. Then Vasily hears a whistle, and he pauses, shaking. 10
A warmly-dressed woman in a parka comes into sight - in her thirties with a sharp, oval face and dark hair, underfed - she looks with mild fright at Vasily, holding his gun, and whistles again. The dog prances cheerfully in her direction, but the woman continues to look at Vasily, parting her lips very slightly, words forming in the rift. Then she closes them. Pulling her fur-lined hood tight and comfortable over chilling grey eyes, she walks on.11
The last remaining embers of Vasily's fire glow strongly, and then die.12
Author notes
If you feel a little unfulfilled after reading this - like there should have been something greater, something more momentous - then I'm sorry you're disappointed. But what you will find, I hope, is that a lot can be seen in five minutes time.
A contest entry
- Let's Have It, Then! by callthexylophone.
1300 points, ended March 10, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 500 Points for Imagery! by beezy92.
750 points, ended March 18, 2008, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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No, it was great and momentous enough for me. I wish eh hadn't killed the rabbit, but the way in which yo wrote it made the story even better. The description was amazing. In a normal contest of mien this would probably be a silver or gold but I got so many phenomenal piece sin this contest that a lot of winning pieces will have to just be honorable mentions...
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Present tense writing is rarely tried and even more rarely pulled off well. You have done both. You are also able to do something I am not, and that is write a good story without trying to shatter someone's mind with it. Simple, yet good.
Oh, and 'terrified' is spelled wrong in the 10th paragraph, if that sort of thing bothers you. -
I don't know what you meant by this--heck, any reader should never know the meaning of a writer's work unless told directly. But, nevertheless, I'll try to relate what I felt.
I felt that this tale was a story of lonesomeness, lonesomeoness that in its own way was peaceful, but sad. The lone man, the lone rabbit, the lone fire... all end. By themselves.
The descriptions you use here are very vivid and the words are well-chosen. In the first paragraph though, it almost, ALMOST seems like you're showing off...
Very nice story.
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baleful and oppressed. It seems so placid.6
so it's furious........... annnnnd placid. interesting combination -
Great details. A small question though, you intended to have every second or third paragraph just a few words? For me, that sort of throws the flow off. Great format though!
Some itches of mine were: You use "the" to start off too many senteces. Try using some more varity.
3rd para: You can combined two or three of the really short sentences.
Great story! Keep up the great work! The description was cool and chilling. -
I liked everything immensely except that his fire burned down at the end. It just doesn't seem like it fits. I realllllllly like your imagery, as always.... maybe it's somethinga bout how a fire dying usually symbolizes something, and nothing did happen that deserves symbolizing (at least from what the reader knows about Vasily) and the fire was so big and crackling just a few minutes before. Anyway, it's your story, and I like it.
And the death of the bunny was especially beautiful.
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Very descriptive. I could see Vasily in the forest. But, you didn't remember my priority one: NO ANIMALS HARMED! This would have made a great story for me, but sorry, you're DQed.
--RT
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