Happiness Can Be Shattered

It was the happiest day of my life when my girlfriend of 3 years told me she was pregnant, but it was also one of the scariest thing I've ever had to experience. It was my seventeenth birthday when Heather told me she was pregnant, and we sat in my room crying, they were partly tears of joy, and partly tears of fear. 1

Nine months later I sat in the delivery room holding Heather's hand as she gave birth to my first child. I wept for the first time in nine months, since my seventeenth birthday. Just as I was sure she was going to pass out in exhaustion, I heard the doctor cry out "It's a boy!" and I remember hitting the floor.2

I came to in a bed next to Heather with a small plastic box between us, just close enough for us both to reach. I had no idea how I had gotten from the delivery room to this bed. My head was wrapped in a large bundle of gauze and it pulsated with pain. I peered into the plastic box, and there, wrapped in baby blue blankets, was my son. The tag on the end identifying him was blank. Heather was waiting for me to name him.3

That was our agreement that we had made seven months into the pregnancy. If its a girl, she she got to name her, but if its a boy, I got to name him. 4

I took one look at my son, and said the first thing that came to mind, "Benjamin". My sudden naming of the baby startled the nurse sitting in the corner reading a book.5

"G-good morning sir. How are you feeling?" She was a very petite woman with disproportionate figures. Her nose was too large, her head too small, and her eyes were far too large.6

"I feel like I was just beaten by six men wielding baseball bats, but other than that I feel fine." Was my witty reply.7

"It's a good thing that fall didn't damage your sense of humor!" A tired but happy voice replied. 8

"And how is the Mrs. doing this morning?" The nurse asked.9

"Just fine, but please, it's Miss., we are not married." Heather said as she gave me a sly wink.10

The nurse apologized and left to fetch the doctor.11

It was a question that we had been asked ever since we had announced the pregnancy. "Are you married?", "No", "Are you going to get married?", "No". We had decided not to get married, although her father seemed to frown upon the idea of an unmarried couple having a baby. He told me that I better marry his daughter before the baby was born or it would be a bastard child. Heather then swore she would never talk to him again if he didn't stop threatening us. She hasn't spoke to him in eight months, and i doubt she plans on starting. 12

She looked at me across the space between our beds and smiled a weak smile. "I heard you name him. Are you sure that's what you want it to be? You did have a nasty fall."13

"I'm sure. I wouldn't even consider another name. How did I hit my head anyways?" Just as I finished my sentence the doctor walked with a file under his arm, and the ugly nurse following right behind him.14

"Fainted after the sex of the baby was called. Your wife (I saw the nurse wince at the doctors mistake) could not choose which one she should worry about more, you or the baby."15

I decided to let the doctor's mistake slip this time, and it didn't seem to have bothered Heather. 16

"She wouldn't even name the baby, said you had to. I made no objection and kept the baby in here so we don't go losing it." It was a poorly thought joke. You should never joke with new born parents about the hospital losing your baby. It's just one of those things no one does, except of course this doctor. 17

"His name is Benjamin." I said with great pride. "Benjamin Philip..." I trailed off. We hadn't discussed the last name of the baby. I could tell the doctor my last name, but i was afraid to offend Heather.18

"Ross" Heather finished my sentence after realizing my dilemma. That was my last name. She smiled over at me and I gave her a thank you smile back.19

"Alright, I'll just make up the name tag and be right back." The doctor left the room and signaled the nurse to follow. 20

I looked over at my son once again and some time during the commotion, he had woken up. He was laying on his back playing with his feet. He hadn't cried or made any other noise when he woke up, and this concerned me. 21

I guess my concern was transferred to my face because Heather turned to me and explained. "He's fine. He's just a happy baby. Ten toes, ten fingers, two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two ears. He's perfect."22

I stood up from my bed and felt my feet quiver beneath my weight. I decided I shouldn't be standing just yet and sat on the edge of my bed instead. 23

The plastic box was close enough that i could see my son's wrinkled, smiling face. I agreed with her. He was perfect.24

* * *25

Ten months, and fourteen days later I sat looking out the window of our two bedroom apartment. Ben sat on my lap playing with the button on my shirt. I looked down at him in his Christmas sweater and cover-alls and laughed. "Why do we dress our kid so funny?" I asked myself. He just looked up at me and smiled. He had my vibrant blue eyes and Heathers blond hair. He was a perfect baby. "When you're older you're gunna have to beat the girls off with a stick, 'cuz you're gunna be a great catch." I laughed at my own joke as Ben bounced with excitement at the sound of my voice.26

"Just like you did, right?" Heather called from the bedroom down the hall. Ben smiled and squealed at the sound of her voice. "Theres my boy!" She called back. She came out of the bedroom at almost a running speed. Just as she reached the window she stopped and scooped Ben from my lap. "Tomorrow's Christmas you know." I didn't know if she was talking to him or me so I answered anyways.27

"Is that a hint that I should start preparing the Christmas dinner?" I laughed at my own joke. Heather could not cook very well so it was a good thing I could. 28

"No it was a subtle hint that i want to know what you got me." She laughed at her own joke as well. Ben was now playing with her long hair. He was just enjoying the upbeat atmosphere around him.29

"Well its a good thing I got you something really good then, huh?" We both laughed as I walked down the hall to Ben's room to get her gift. She walked behind me and was surprised when I turned into Ben's room. Ben was excited to see his toys scattered across the floor and demanded to be put down so that he could play with them. I reached into the drawer where we kept Ben's shorts and pulled out a small, slender box. The wrapping was too nice to have been wrapped by me, so she knew my sister had wrapped it for me. She reached into the same drawer, on the other side and pulled out a small, square box. We laughed at how poorly we had hidden each other's gifts. We exchanged them and began to remove the wrapping.30

"Oh my god it's beautiful!" Heather exclaimed as she opened he box to reveal a triple diamond pendant. "This must have cost you a fortune!" She looked at me with an ashamed look as I opened my gift.31

"You must have spent three times as much as me!" I exclaimed as i unwrapped my gift. Inside the small square box was a gold Rolex watch. 32

There was no time for thank yous as a foul odor filled the room. "Way to ruin the moment Ben...." I joked with Heather as she picked him up and brought him over to the changing table. 33

Later that day we were all dressed up as we were going to get our first family photos taken. They were going to be our first Christmas card but the photographer was so busy that we couldn't get the pictures done in time. I chuckled at how Heather made me and Ben match, and wondered if Ben had been a girl, would she have made her and the baby match instead.34

As we reached the photographer's parlor Heather glanced in the visor mirror and made a scowl that made me and Ben howl with laughter. "It's not funny. My hair looks like a rats' nest. I should have straightened it." 35

"You look fine. You know you would just have said you should have curled it if you had straightened it." It was true. Heather was always judging herself so negatively. It was one of the few things that made her seem like she was actually 18. She cared too much what other people thought.36

The picture process was an agonizing one. The photographer kept trying to get Ben to look at the camera, but all Ben wanted to do was watch as me and Heather pointed towards the camera. We finally decided that we didn't mind if he was looking at the camera or not. This is when he finally seemed to notice the camera and look at it. The picture was taken and we were sent home with the promise that it would be ready in about 2 days.37

Two days later Heather left to go pick up the pictures from the photo parlor. After she was gone for two hours I began to get nervous, and as the third hour passed I dialed 911. 38

"911 what is your emergency?" The voice seemed to calm to be asking me what my emergency was.39

"My wi-(damn)..girlfriend has been missing for 3 hours, she only went down the street to get our family photo. The parlor is only a twenty minute drive away!" I struggled to keep my composure as scenarios flashed through my mind.40

"When was the last time you had contact with your girlfriend sir?" Again the voice was as calm as if we were having a conversation about the weather.41

"I told you she left 3 hours ago!" Her calmness was getting to me and my sudden outburst woke Ben who was sleeping in the other room. "Damn it! Her name is Heather Ro- (damn it!) I mean Arland!" Ben was screaming now. 42

"Sir I'm going to need you to calm down. I can't help you if you are yelling. What is your address sir?" Again the calmness of her voice made my blood boil!43

"Why do you need to know my address? She's not here! That's why I'm calling you!" I struggled to lower the tone of my voice as I attempted to console Ben and stay on the line with the emotionally blank woman.44

"We need to send a police car to your residence to get more information, and possibly a picture. Can you please tell me you address sir." The woman was starting to make sense, but still had no emotion to her voice. Ben had stopped screaming and sat whimpering in my arm.45

I told her my address and she said a patrol car would be at my door shortly. The time between the call and the buzz at the door seemed like hours, but the clock said it only took five minutes. Two large policemen stood at the door. One seemed to be about mid-thirties, the other seemed ready to retire. They both looked at me in astonishment when I opened the door.46

"Is your father home son?" The older one asked.47

"I called, it's my girlfriend missing!" I had a feeling they thought this was a joke. "I live alone with my girlfriend and our son!" Ben had fallen back asleep. He was back in his crib. The policemen's eyes almost popped out of their heads when I mention our son.48

"We are going to need some more information. May we come in?" I felt stupid for not inviting the in as soon as they came to the door. 49

"Please keep it down, my son is sleeping." An automatic comment I made every time anyone entered the house when Ben was sleeping.50

"Do you have a picture of your girlfriend so that we may identify her?" Stupid question. Of course I had a picture of her. You don't live with a person for almost a year without having pictures of them. I handed them the picture and watched as their faces went from serious to worried and apologetic. There was an awkward silence. "We have some bad news for you sir..." The older cop broke the silence. His response brought tears to his partner's and my eyes. "Your wife has been in a serious car accident about 15 minutes from here. She's in intensive care right now." I didn't even care that he had called Heather my wife. My entire body went limp when the word "accident" was used. The rest of what the policemen said to me was lost in the confusion of my mind. I remember walking into Ben's room and picking him up, holding him to my chest as I wept. There was no way he could have known what had just happened but the atmosphere around him told him it was sad, and he started to cry with me.51

The ride to the hospital in the police car was filled with silence and unasked questions. Not having the car seat, Ben sat on my lap, still unaware of what was happening, he sat whimpering. The world outside the car did not seem to matter anymore, it was as if there was only me, falling deeper into myself. The sudden halt of the vehicle tore me back to reality. We had arrived at the hospital. 52