Death was his name.1
They called him the reaper. 2
It seemed that everyone he touched ended up alone or worse yet, dead.3
I was new to the town, well not really, but every time I walked out that door an into the crooked streets of deception it sure felt that way.4
You could hear the crackling footsteps behind you. You could smell fear deep into the night. You were aware of everything around you. Everything, sharp and intact. 5
As I dragged my hands along the charcoal brick walls, and the tetanus shot iron, barb wire fences. I could feel death slowly approaching.6
I dare not turn around. I dare not make a peep. I just continued to walk, listening to the earth, listening to the howling of the wolves in the forest were I was heading. Just listened to the breathing and the beating of my heart as it banged, clashing, beating violently against my chest.7
Whispering the trees, they echoed a familiar tune, that the kind my great uncle Hanson had playing at the funeral parlour the day before they buried him deep into the ground. 8
Was it in my head? I did not think so. I wondered if it had been since the moment I felt his dark presence upon me. He seemed to cling in the shadows. Though he showed none. Even with the dim, flickering lights of the streets light, his shadow was just invisible as the breath upon my skin.9
I knew I was not imagining things, as I neared the corner of the street. I felt the swiftness of a hand grab me and push me ever so violently against the power- lines pole, digging my back into the staked markings. Luckily for me, my skin was tough, and he had not drove me completely through them.10
I tried to close my eyes, fearing what monster stood in front of me. What had me grasped against my will, breathing so heavily. I could feel them shutting, slowly, but something screeched through me, almost bursting my eardrums as it stripped me bare into weakness. Death hollowed howl.11
I flashed him a look, noticing the redness in his eyes, and the gaping shape of his mouth as his hand crept menacingly over my mouth and into my soul12
I had fallen into the dark hands of death. I had fallen for the grim himself.
Author notes
Just an Idea..I had an inspiration from a goggle image... and I have always loved the death.. grim reaper , dark angel theme...So I thought I would write this..as a stand alone, or if I wish to make a series I can....
In a list
- Darkness Surrounds us group list • next in list
honest opinions
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Alright, you mentioned this while we were talking and I couldn't stop myself from searching for it and reading it. I'm not usually one for the whole death thing but... this really caught me by surprise. Your imagery was absolutely breath taking. I think this is one of your better pieces that would make for a wonderful series. I'm curious to find out where it could possibly lead. I've never thought of somebody falling for death himself. I think that is a wonderful concept and that you should just roll with it, see where it takes you. I can tell you wanted to continue this piece and i'm confused as to why you haven't. You were so descriptive. It's wonderful! =]
-
Oh I love the descriptions in this and the wording that you used. I can't believe I somehow missed this one lol. Wow! Falling in love with death himself now there is a concept. Brilliant idea here and now I am on to the next part!
~Joann
-
This is cool. I think it could make a good series.
Good luck with it.
Angel
-
You can smell fear deep within the night I love that line and death a lover. He can love you and take your life wow
-
Noooo not a death lover!
It is truly one of your best uses of descriptive language to develop mood and setting ex:...the beating of my heart as it banged, clashing, beating violently against my chest.7 The only criticism was that his again has some grammatical errors [line 8 is an example] but I know you well enough to know that it was banged out quickly and posted. It is a good beginning to a story and I would suggest a little clean-up to silence us critics.
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
"you could smell fear deep into the night."
Ooo... loving that sentence. Says loads in just those words. The start to this reads like one of them black and white movies where the detective (Dick Tracy? lol) does the narratives as he walks down a wet dark alleway in a trench coat and hat. Anyhow back to your piece, (god help me I just admitted to watching a black and white movie! shame of it!) "tetanus shot iron" loved that bit too. My my we have got the creative jucies flowing, there are some marvalous (pardon the spelling!) descriptive sentences in this piece that just blow you away. Loving the idea, I am more mystical, unknown and supernatural at the minute I dare say with a hint of romance and love when in the right mood, but totally with it when it comes to your darkness, evil black side theme you have going. Keep it up!
-
Is this all?
Oh em gee. So short and stunnig.
What an ending, what a way to fall in love, and what a thing to fall in love with.
Much love towards this, intensely deep with description of what happens here, and must be more for what is and will happen.
Go on with this, don't make me cry if you don't
Ily
ebb
-
Whoa. Blair, you sure do have an imagination! And a dark one at that! Great piece, I love the description, and how the photo inspired you!
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
