Life's lessons

I looked at the military officer trying to adjust two children on his arms while three more terrorized toddlers held onto his legs for dear life. It was definitely a strange sight for me. The cringing expression on the young officer’s face almost made me laugh out aloud. To me, it really was hilarious that military officers were handling kids in their full combat uniforms. 1

All around me, I saw officers wearing green combat uniforms running after kids, wiping their runny noses and trying in vain to control wailing kids who had lost their parents in the Tsunami disaster. You could hardly look tough running after children, even though they were trying their best to appear dignified and failing miserably. Most of the officers looked exhausted. I heard one officer mutter to his friend in horror as he looked at the new batch of terrified women and children that were brought in by the Coast Guard. “Alan, I say this is more scary than Armageddon. Why didn’t they allow us to wear civilian clothes for this? We look like bloody clowns. I can’t believe this.” 2

The friend named Alan said with a dry look “Why don’t you go ask Sarge that question?”3

They both saw me then and the officer who had been talking earlier assumed a grim expression as he said “It’s time you people came in.”4

I didn’t particularly care for his tone and I said so. “Look here officer, we are here as volunteers and can leave any time we chose. You try that tone with me and I am leaving. I am not here to obey your commands but to work cooperatively with the police and the military because you guys are failing miserably in trying to counsel and give hope to the disaster victims.”5

He looked taken aback and looked back at his friend for support. When he got none he gave a tired look and said “Whatever. Here are the kids.” 6

He gave me a runny nosed kid hastily and said to the children “There you go kids. You have a good friend here who’ll look after you.”7

The poor kids did not complain or say anything. Very obediently they shuffled closer to me. I looked around and saw that I had twelve very grimy looking kids around me. Most of their eyes were swollen red, which I supposed was the result of continuous crying or too much salt water in the eyes. The kid I was holding in my arms whispered, his voice hoarse from what I presumed crying “I want my mommy.” His eyes teared up as he looked at me for reassurance.8

When the coast guard had gone around the islands to collect tsunami survivors they had given first priority to the children. Hence some children were separated from their parents for a while. I told him soothingly “Don’t worry, your mommy is going to be here soon.”9

I looked at the group of little children looking at me as if I were their savior and told them “Now kids, what I’d like you to do is line up nicely and then I’ll give you a bath. After that I want you to show me if you hurt anywhere okay?”10

They nodded, some looking at me unsurely and ready to start crying again. I felt as if I was absorbing their emotions like a sponge. I felt like crying too, my heart heavy with grief. I hated seeing little children so hopeless and scared. They were meant to smile and be cute, in my opinion. I led the group to one of the four bathrooms available. There were too few toilets for the people who would be brought in soon. In no time the place was going to be brimming with disease if no proper attention was given to sanitation and hygiene. Atleast the kids would be clean, I told myself looking at the desolate kids. 11

Me and one of my friends, Amy, divided the task of cleaning them. Amy was washing them and I toweled them dry and put the donated clean clothes on them. They were amazingly well behaved. I guess they didn’t have enough energy to be their usual energetic selves after surviving a disaster. 12

A while later the room was filled with new mothers and children. Strangely it was the mothers who were crying and the children with them just looked bewildered and scared. Babies echoed the grief of their mothers by crying much louder. My friend looked at me uneasily being overwhelmed by the sense of hopeless grief that filled the place. We had never seen disaster victims before. It had simply never happened in our country. So we were unprepared for the emotional onslaught that would be caused by people openly wailing and crying. I felt like I was in a funeral. 13

Trying desperately, to cope with the situation and appear strong and firm for the people, I signaled my friend to go and talk to some women, saying I could handle the kids alone. Meanwhile I put some medicine and bandages on minor injuries on the small kids. I saw the kid who was crying for his mother earlier run to a woman with five other kids. I smiled at that. At least his mother was not dead. It gave me some relief to know I haven’t made a void promise to the kid that his mother would return when I had no idea his mother had survived the disaster. 14

It was then that I noticed a little boy of no more than three years sitting to the side of the woman. It seemed odd to me that the cutest and youngest kid in the group was sitting to a side and not on his mother’s lap. I approached them seeing that the kid who held my attention had an egg like swelling on his forehead and abrasions on his arms and knees. 15

When I reached the small family, the mother thanked me gratefully for looking after her little child and caring for him. I smiled at that, still curious as to why she had much older children cuddled around her while the smallest in the group sat apart. I looked at him and asked her what his name was. She said his name was Aaron. 16

I proffered a hand to him and said “Hi Aaron, can I see what’s on your forehead please?”17

“Go on Aaron, show her your forehead.” The woman looked at the kid and then said sadly “He lost both his parents. Their house was very close to the beach. He survived because he was playing in our backyard. He always sneaks away from home as early as six in the morning and comes to our house. Luckily our house is in the middle of the island. We had more chance of surviving compared to his family. They are all confirmed dead. He is in shock I think. He knows his parents are dead. He saw his mother’s dead body and god knows where his father is.”18

The boy didn’t come closer. He just looked at me blankly and kept looking around the room as if he hadn’t heard the lady. I moved closer to him and touched his face. He immediately focused his huge coffee brown eyes on me. That was when I realized he really was in shock. I wanted to hug him but I refrained. It just wasn’t something that was customarily done. I put some ice on his forehead and he continued watching me. For a long time I was trying to bring the swelling down. It eventually reduced and I applied some cooling gel on it gently. I looked at him and smiled. “There. The big egg on your forehead is gone.”19

He didn’t respond and I took his arms and cleaned the abrasions and put some ointment on it. Surprisingly he offered his knees to me. I did the same to his knees and finally asked him “There. All done. Do you hurt anywhere else?”20

He nodded and touched his chest. I looked at him worried wondering if any of his ribs were broken. I pulled up his shirt and saw no redness or any tell tale marks suggesting a broken rib. I felt for it anyway and saw none and then realized he meant he was really sad and his chest hurt from continuously heaving when he cried. I looked at his hopeful look and smiled at him “Okay, I’ll apply some medicine on your chest for now.”21

I applied some of the disinfectant on his chest and asked him if it was better. He instantly nodded yes. He really was a beautiful child. It was amazing how I was so quickly attracted to the child. There were more beautiful kids around the room, especially babies. But this one was special. I wondered what it was about him that made me badly want to cuddle him and make him smile. He had cute curling black hair with an olive complexion and darkly fringed black eyes. I wondered again what age he was. His skin was baby soft and his features cherubic, though he wasn’t cuddly baby kind of chubby. On the other hand he wasn’t too skinny either. For me, he just looked perfect. 22

I looked around the room. The combination of effort put by other volunteers and the army had brought some sense of order to the place. I realized I couldn’t just sit and tend to the special kid the whole day. I was going to walk away when the boy got up with me and looked at me with huge eyes. I looked at him for a while and asked him “Do you want to walk with me?”23

He sniffled and nodded yes. He followed me throughout the day till night when he had to go back to sleep. I was surprised at the way we both bonded so easily. When sleep time came, he didn’t hesitate to get on my lap and lay his head on my chest. I was surprised. He was a very trusting kid to cuddle up to a stranger. The woman who had saved him earlier smiled at that and said “It’s good he is behaving like normal again. He was never scared of being close to strangers. Never cried when I took him and hugged him when he was a baby. Isn’t he cute? He looks like his father. His parents were a very handsome couple.”24

I nodded at the woman and watched the boy look at me. I asked him finally “What’s wrong Aaron?”25

He was squirming on my lap. “toilet” he said and I laughed. When we were in the toilet it surprised me that he was waiting for me to help him. I forgot how it was like to look after a kid. It’s been a log time since I have tended someone that small. Everything about him only captivated me more. When he was finished he just raised his arms to me to carry him. I did that and he said something that shocked me “Mommy, don’t leave me again.”26

I was shocked to hear that. He thought I was his mommy? I looked at him carefully wondering if that was an aftereffect of shock. “Honey, I am not your mum.” I told him.27

His eyes teared up as he looked at me. One of the women from his island heard us and he said to me “His mother looks a lot like you. I think Aaron is just confused.”28

I wondered what sort of coincidence that was. I looked like his mother? I looked at him and smiled “Don’t worry darling, I’ll be with you.” I told him.29

He looked really tired. In no time he was sleeping, laying his head trustingly on my chest, sucking on his thumb. I don’t know what about that touched me so much. It was time to go back home for all the volunteers. My friend, Amy came to fetch me. I didn’t want to leave Aaron. I wanted to take him home with me. But, that was not allowed. I looked at the small fist that was wound tight around my middle finger. I slowly pried his small fingers loose and kissed the top his soft curly head. 30

“Isn’t he beautiful Amy?” I asked my friend.31

“What’s wrong with you Ash? It’s time to go. Not fall for babies. We’ve both had an emotionally exhausting day. You’ll get over the kid. Come on, let’s go Ash.” Amy said.32

It was the hardest thing to let go of Aaron. I didn’t know what had happened either. But I knew Amy was wrong. Normally I wasn’t a person who developed any kind of attachment so fast. The boy was special. I knew it. I felt it. It was perhaps the combination of him calling me “mommy” and laying his head so trustingly on my chest that made me feel like a mother. Perhaps there was a certain tenderness in every females heart for their baby and somehow this special boy had managed to evoke that feeling in me. I wanted to protect him and never let him out of my sight. 33

How was that possible? How could I have developed such strong feelings in just a day? Wasn’t I the skeptic when it came to love? But then I wondered. What was it that made new mothers fall in love immediately with their babies? What made them see something beautiful and special in them when to everyone else they looked like a wrinkled alien at birth? No mother knows what their baby would look like when they come out. But no matter how the baby looked, the mother finds the baby amazing and beautiful. So, perhaps it was logical to feel motherly to a kid in just a few hours. 34

“Ash, come on. Let the kid sleep. He is cute, I admit but get a grip on yourself. I have never seen you being an emotional mess before. Are you going to start crying?” Amy asked me bewildered.35

Oh, she had no idea how I felt about the baby. She was right. I was the ice berg to everyone else. I even believed it myself for a while. I smiled suddenly. This little boy had proved me and everyone else wrong. I did have feelings and I was capable of love. I looked at the woman beside me and said “Could you please look after him? I’ll be back in the morning.”36

The woman looked at me curiously and said “You like Aaron very much don’t you? Why don’t you adopt him? He is up for adoption as he doesn’t have any family now.”37

“Really?” I asked her, hope lighting up my face. I got up happily, sure I could adopt the boy. It was a bitter goodbye. I waited till the last minute with an agitated Amy growling beside me. On the way home I thought of how I’d bring up Aaron. The only problem was I was still living with my parents and so, I had to get their permission for adoption. Somehow, it wasn’t as easy to convince my parents at all. 38

They were so adamantly against it, saying that I didn’t know what I was thinking and that I was not old enough to saddle my self with a kid. I was very upset with my parents but I somehow believed I could look after him and still continue my career and studies. I didn’t consider him a burden. Anyway, my father pointed out that to adopt I would need both proof of wealth and marriage. I was unmarried and didn’t even have a secure job. I felt so bad. Even if I was not married I could have adopted if I had money. How could money rule over everything? Doesn’t love count for anything at all, I wondered?39

I had a fitful sleep. The next morning when I went back to the camp, I found out that Aaron was gone. The loss I felt was devastating. At least I had hoped to hold him once again. 40

“Where did he go?” I demanded to the people around me.41

They knew who I was talking about and said “Early this morning an American couple came and took Aaron away. They immediately fell in love with the boy. The lady was very young but the guy looked to be in his late forties. They were very rich, according to the attendant with them and they couldn’t have children.”42

I was almost in tears. How could life be so unfair? I felt kind of dizzy. I sat down slowly “Did he cry when he didn’t see me in the morning?” I asked them softly.43

“Yeah, he cried a lot. He was crying even when they took him away. I guess Aaron didn’t understand a thing they were saying to him. Still they seemed to love him. Don’t worry kid. I think it is for the best. Aaron will have a happy life with that couple I think. He would become an American too I suppose.” The woman told me. 44

I got up suddenly and asked her. “Do you know what the couple’s names were? When did they leave?”45

She looked at me anxiously and said “Don’t know their names. They left about an hour and a half ago.”46

With renewed hope I went to the main area of the camp. Maybe the paperwork could hold them up in the main area. In the compound, there were many tables set up with officials and volunteers handling large amounts of paperwork. The environment was chaotic with people and aid coming in, not to mention messages from different parts of the country about the rescue mission.47

I went over to one of my friends in the planning ministry. “Hey Chad. Could you please do me a favour?”48

He looked at me and asked. “It’s about that boy right? I saw a striking white couple with the boy about two hours ago. They looked rich to me. The guy’s rolex I think was real.”49

I didn’t find him entertaining. “Are they here now?”50

“Nope. They were one of those powerful couples who left very easily. They left to go to the airport an hour ago.” He said.51

“No. How could you just give away kids like that? Besides I thought visiting hours started at 9.” I said in despair. 52

He looked uncomfortable. “The government thinks it’s the best way for the orphaned kids. Besides, powerful foreign couples don’t exactly have to conform to the regulations for the locals.” I glared at him and debated whether I wanted to follow them to the airport. 53

Chad said carefully “Actually, they must be in the boarding gate now if you are thinking of going to the airport because they said they had their flight at around this time. We had to do super human work to process all the necessary papers for a legal adoption in such a short time.”54

“Do you have their names?” I asked him hopefully.55

He laughed. “For Americans, they had really long names. I bet the couple was originally from Switzerland. They called up a lawyer in Zurich.”56

“I just wanted their names, Chad.” I said impatiently even then wondering what I was going to do with their names.57

“Oh, the guys name was Edward something, I think. The ladies name was Evangeline or something like that, not sure. The paperworks should say somewhere” He said indicating a huge section of bundles of paper.58

That was so helpful, I thought sarcastically. Somehow, by the end of the day, I had to accept that I lost the one person I have loved on my own. I never found the couples name. Till this day, the paperwork related to Aaron’s adoption was not found. It was no surprise really, given all those papers were just sitting on the desks all that time. They had lost a lot of paperwork in the chaos. 59

But somehow, I know that the kid I loved so much still lives and must be around five years old now, after three years. I wondered if he knew what the country he was born into looked like. I wondered if he was still as cute and well behaved as he was when he was with me. And most of all I wondered if he remembered me or his real parents at all. 60

I remembered him almost every day. Sometimes I see dreams of him and every time I see a little boy I am reminded of him. Now that I am living in Australia, every time I see a little boy talk to his mother in English, I imagined it was Aaron. He must also talk English fluently now. He would be an American. Maybe he was spoiled rotten by his new parents. 61

But for me, it always felt like there was a gaping hole in my heart and it would most probably stay there till I have my own child. I have had moments in my life when I had held countless prizes and trophies achieved at school level, national level and international level. I thought I had been happy then. But I realized that was superficial compared to the happiness I felt when I had the little kid sleeping in my arms. If I had not experienced it myself and heard the statement I have just made from another person, I would have most probably rolled my eyes. Still, it was an eye-opening experience for me in a number of ways. For the first time I have learned love existed and now I wasnt the sarcast I used to be. Now, I was hoping and on the look out for love. It just might happen, who knows?62