Lightning from the Dark Cloud; pt. 3: Stars and Oatmeal, the Fall

The priest’s breakfast consisted solely of oatmeal: bland, slimy and cold. The stars burnt all night through his window. Brother Thomas, that morning, chose a seat across from him. The priest could not meet his eyes, shame still clinging to the edges of his mind. Through his window and all through the night the stars had burnt. And yet he couldn’t see the stars themselves for the darkness between them, darkness which was so much larger than the stars. All that void, that nothing and yet as nothing was created by God it must be something. Space created simply to glorify the light of the stars. Man was created to glorify God: the world the darkness to glorify mankind? And Satan? when light becomes dark? Mankind the darkness to glorify God. Gluey oatmeal crawls down the priest’s throat – won’t bother to finish breakfast.
He sees Brother Thomas say something: flakes of oatmeal in the nooks of his teeth. Tongue white and pasty. Sucking sounds.1

- You haven’t said a word all breakfast, said Brother Thomas. Does something trouble you?
A bird sings outside the window. The cadences of song ring clear in the small breakfast hall.
Priest: The birds sing to the glory of God
- Yes and it is a beautiful sound, is it not?2

A beautiful sound was indeed what he heard. A bird sings. Winter does not often hear that sound.
Mankind to the greater glory of God. The priest quickly cleared his small bowl and his silver spoon, departing Thomas with a terse wave. The Glory of God. Vanity? The vanity of God. Sin. Vanity is a sin. God cannot sin. To say that he does is itself a sin. Reason does not seem to apply. But this is what I have been taught. What I teach. You cannot reason out God. 3

The priest walked to his room down the hall, along the way took the chocolate from in back of his cupboard and ate it. The chocolate washed away the sickly remains of the oatmeal.
The priest sat down on his bed, running his tongue over his teeth to melt and taste the last of the chocolate - teeth feel so much bigger to the tongue than the finger. Finger. Tongue. Words of desire and sin. Finger of God. Speech in tongues. One would fall in flames but there were flames atop the heads of the believers. Ah, but they are different types of flame: purity and – knowledge.
The priest went about the business of preparing his sermon for tomorrow with a visible tension in his limbs. Oh, God, I have sinned and yet I shall preach purity. I crave forgiveness and yet I cannot confess: the young girls: I would be arrested, at least shamed – if not I must lie and be damned.
The fall of Lucifer or the fall of man for the sermon. Damnation, hell: burning in eternal torment for non-adherence to a rule. Absolute justice. Absolution. Lucifer was at the right hand of God, and he was cast down: non serviam: and he was cast forever downwards. Adam and Eve: humanity to fill vacant angel seats in heaven. But we fell. Before the gates of heaven could glide us in we damned ourselves.
I fell, from desire, I fell. God knows all, sees all. Sees all before it happens, every sin. Reason doesn’t apply.4

Servitude is the key, he realised
non serviam, he wondered.5