Story Of Spuria

Missing image

They sat together on the hill, overlooking the beautiful marble city, the sun setting to a brilliant red and orange hue. The moon sleepily peeped from behind a soft cloud, as though it were a silvery maiden peering from behind a curtain, watching to see if her more splendid brother had retired for the night, but Apollo was not done with his fantastic show. Sulkily, the Moon goddess, Selene, waited behind her curtain. A warm evening breeze complimented the scene, as the young couple cuddled into each other closer. 1

"The night is so beautiful when its like this." sighed the young girl.2

The young man smiled, and raised her chin until she was looking directly at him. "Not as beautiful as you, Spuria." She blushed, and tucked her chin in, bashfully.3

The moon had now fully risen, its silvery beauty bathing the hills and city in an other-worldly light.4

These two did not want to meet out in the coldness of night, away from the city, but theirs was an forbidden love. She was the daughter of a rich senator, he was merely the son of an old washerwoman. They had seen each other across the courtyard of her father's villa one morning, as she was taking her lessons, and he was carrying goods to the kitchen. The moment they laid eyes on each other, they knew that their paths lay together, whether that path lead to death, or heaven.5

He looked down at her, curling her ebony hair around his forefinger, thanking Zeus that he had the chance to lay with this beauty, nay, even to be allowed the chance to look upon her. 6

"We should run away together." he suddenly said, a defiant look of determination burning in his blue eyes. "We'll never be together properly if we stay here, we'll always have to hide in the shadows, creep around others, never walk together in the sunshine, never be able to marry each other."7

"Marry......? You...you want to marry me?" A look of wonderment fell over her face and she smiled, a ray of sunshine to Ovidius, as he was called.8

"Yes." he replied softly. "I wish to marry you, and I wish for you to have my children."9

"Oh, Ovidius." She breathed, looking at him with shining eyes. "I want nothing better. Yes, we shall leave here. I will find what money and provisions I can from my father's villa tomorrow, and we shall flee tomorrow night. Where will we go?"10

Ovidius shrugged. "I don't care, as long as I can be with you every day for the rest of my life."11

They smiled at one another, tenderly kissed, and slowly rose to walk down the hill. They walked through the streets of Athens, by-passing poor and rich alike; dirty clothed children begging for crusts, rich patrons of the city being carried by silent servants. Spuria's father's villa was close to the centre of the city, its yellowy-white marble almost overlooking the fountains of the palace. Date palm trees adorned the mosaic-tiled pathway to the front archway, their fronds floating in the gentle wind.12

"Till tomorrow night. When our lives begin." whispered Spuria, kissing Ovidius tenderly on the lips.13

"Till tomorrow night." he repeated, holding her close for a moment, before begrudgingly letting her go.14

Unknown to them, Spuria's father watched them silently from a darkened window. 15

His face clouded over with unimaginable fury.16

                               *********************17

"NO!NO! Leave him alone!" Spuria's pleas fell on deaf ears. 18

Early that morning, her father had gathered all the men in the villa, to find where the boy was-and condemn him to death.19

"How dare you lie with my daughter you unworthy little shit! You will burn in Tartarus for what you have done!" Ovidius was dragged to the courtyard, kicking and cursing, Spuria screaming and pleading behind them, tears streaming down her cheeks.20

He was tied to one of the date palm trees, which was then set alight. 21

"NO!" Spuria screamed, she felt as though her insides were tearing apart and twisting.22

"Spuria! Meet me in the Fields of Ellysius, I will wait for you!" Ovidius shouted over the roar of the flames, bravely choosing not to scream, not to give Spuria's father the pleasure. 23

I love you, Spuria mouthed, tears so thick that she could barely see in front of her.24

I love you too Spuria, Ovidius mouthed back, as the flames grew higher and blackened his face.25

Her father turned to her, the glow from the flames reddening his face evilly. "You see what you have done! You shall be banished to a convent and never spoken off in this house again, you whore!"26

"AHHH!" Spuria howled at her father, pure hatred burning blackly amid her tears. "You will pay more than you can ever imagine for what you have done today. You have turned my soul black and you shall feel all of it before long!"27

Having said this, she ran from the courtyard, from the crowded streets of Athens, high into the hills, to where she and her soulmate used to meet in secret. She flung herself onto the hot grass, screaming and pulling at the grass as though she wished the world to end.28

"Gods!GODS!" She yelled to the heavens. "If you are merciful, give me the means to get my lover's revenge! Give me the means to fill this hole within me! HELP ME!" Her voice broke and she fell to the ground, sobbing.29

"Arise." spoke a soft voice, gentle and warm.30

Spuria looked up, silenced for a moment by the softness of the voice. Standing before her, was a lovely young woman, tall but delicate looking, chocolate-brown hair twisted around her shoulders, dressed in a pale blue toga. Spuria immediately knew who the vision was. 31

"Psyche." She breathed.32

The woman smiled, and nodded. "The gods have seen what happened Spuria, and they are angry with your father, they have taken pity on your plight. You shall be given the means to get Ovidius' revenge, that is," here, she paused, "that is, if you are willing to pay for it."33

"Anything! The gods have my life, my soul, my service. Just please let me make those responsible pay."34

Psyche smiled again, warmly, and touched Spuria lightly on the shoulder. "It shall be done, and not only that, I shall make sure you and Ovidius are together. I know what it is to have a love no others wish you to have."35

"Thank you! Thank you!" Spuria sobbed gratefully, a great light of hope shining through her.36

"You shall take the guise of a wolf each night, under the moon where you and your soulmate met so lovingly each night. I shall persuade Persephone and Hades to allow Ovidius to return to this world, but he shall be under the same conditions as you."37

"It does not matter." smiled Spuria. "As long as we are together."38

Psyche touched Spuria on the shoulder one last time and vanished. Spuria fell asleep on the grassy hill.39

She awoke many hours later, when the air was now cool, and owls called to one another. Remembering what Psyche had told her, she began to feel a change in her self. She had never known such pain, as her bones shifted and crunched, but she thought of her beloved Ovidius and the pain felt of nothingness.40

                          ************************41

Her wolf form was very different. Spuria found she could smell better, could see sharper, could move faster. The streets of Athens seemed unrecognisable to her, but she could smell where her father's villa was, the smell of hatred and murderousness, mixed with the terrible tang of burned meat.42

My lover's body, Spuria thought to herself, the flames of hatred burning brightly within her once again.43

She tore through arches and curtains, till she reached the great hall, where her father sat merrily laughing and eating with her other relatives.44

Holding back a tear in her wolfen eye, she thought of her lover's arms around her, his laughter tinkling merrily, his soft lips.......she thought about it and fanned the flames within her, until they were white hot. 45

On the wind blown through the hall, sent by Aeolus, she heard the chattering and laughter of the merry-makers at the table. Her father's voice came to her first.46

"...and that I-I! Should pay! A menancing threat indeed from a mere girl-nay, a mere whore!"47

The hall broke into laughter and roars of approval.48

"That boy was no good anyway. Always dropping things, never been quick enough. He's probably better off dead!"49

More roars of approval. Her father sat, looking very pleased with himself.50

How can he be so heartless, she thought, as to not care that he just took a man's life-and in effect, took mine, his own daughter's?51

A tear rolled onto her black fur. He had never been a real father to her, he had always said that he hated the fact she reminded him of her dead mother. He had loved her mother when she was alive, and had been bright and happy. But she had died giving birth to Spuria. This, combined with the fact Spuria was not born a boy, had made him bitter and twisted inside, secretly blaming Spuria for her mother's death.52

Although Spuria knew this, and had happily lived with it for her whole life, as he had been civil and fair to her, she never thought he would be happy with this. Was this his revenge?53

No matter, she thought to herself, wiping the tear with a soft paw down her snout, Hades shall return my lover's life, and take yours in return....54

Spuria slowly and menancingly padded into the hall, and jumped on the table. All of her family fell silent. She walked along the table, stopped before her father, and growled low in her throat, a single tear escaping the amber wolfen eye. The last sight he ever saw was the black, angry wolf-form of his daughter, just before she went for his throat.55

None of the people sat at the table escaped their fate.56

                         ************************57

Spuria wearily collapsed onto the hillside, as daylight broke through the velvet-black clouds of night. Silently, but painfully, Spuria's body shifted back into her small, tired body, her black hair falling onto her shoulders.58

Someone picked her up from the hillside. Wearily, she turned her head to look, and smiled, joyfully.59

"Ovidius." She croaked, weakly.60

"Spuria." His handsome face leant down to kiss her, and he squeezed her closer. "I told you we would be together."61

Spuria happily nuzzled her face into his chest as he carried her into the woods, where they soon couldn't be seen in the shade of the trees......62

Author notes

12.03.08-I've added a bit to this, as I think the section where she kills her father was too short, so I have bulked it out a bit more. I've also changed it to Ancient Greek mythology, as not many people seemed to realise there were Roman names in the story!
I've checked for typos, I know there are still a few, but please don't keep mentioning it unless you are going to tell me were they are without trying to sound clever.
Anyway, hope you enjoy it more now its bulked out a bit


Option two and four! (more two though)

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For another contest, options two and six, romance and fantasy

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Comments

1 - 51 of 51
  • >: D

    REVENNNNGGGGEEEE

    I am SO glad she got revenge on that bastard!!!!!!

    This was powerfully written. I LOVED it.

    And wolves are amazing.

    Best of luck♥


  • Bella-Cacciatore gold member
    November 18
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    man oh man oh man.
    brilliant,
    I love Ancient Greek Mytholgy and would love to learn more about it as well as history.
    great job.
    brilliantly written i would like to see some more maybe if you can!
    Cheers
    Hunter~

  • georgiaz
    November 13
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    Edit | Reply
    this is fantastic!!
    In hate you for mking me so sad with this story!! I have got panda eyes!

    Lovely story!!
    I love the way you based it around mitholgy. They sound roman names not greek.

    Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      November 14
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      I'm glad you enjoyed it! All of the the names are greek however......except Spuria, which they're not sure about, it could be greek or roman.

  • ZackTruel
    October 31
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    I am sorry but your story exceeds the word limit.


  • amanda vampiress
    October 29

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    I enjoyed reading this story! I like your take on werewolves, as well as how you intertwined them into mythology! It was very interesting and unique. Bravo! Keep up the great work, and good luck in the contest!


  • donuts-and-music
    October 26

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    wow

    great job! i really enjoyed the story. i think the use of mythology really stepped up the story, and to me it just made it even better! great job. i really enjoyed reading this story.

    GOOD LUCK!


  • Ghost of a Siren
    October 24

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    Interesting story

    Para 1

    I think you mean 'complimented' instead of 'complemented'.

    Para 2

    There should be a comma instead of a period at the end of the dialog.

    Para 5

    The moment they laid eyes on each other, they knew that their paths lay together, whether that path lead to death, or heaven.

    Led would should better than lead.

    Para 7

    Again, the period at the end of the first sentence of dialog should be a comma.

    The same in para 9,10, 13, and 14

    Para 22

    I think it would sound better if you rewrote the one part 'twisting and tearing apart' instead.

    Para 26

    Off should be of.

    Para 30, 32

    Again, the period in the dialog should be a comma. Remember, if there is a comma at the end of the dialog the next word will be lowercase.

    Well, done with the nit-picking...I liked the imagry of the story, and thought it was well-thought out and read nicely. Ancient greece is always been fascinating to me, anyways.


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 25
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting on my story

      I realise I've got a lot of proofing to do on all my stories, but I've been really busy with other people's proofing, I haven't had time to get round to my own yet!


  • Xm
    October 24

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    Wow, you did your research pretty well. I felt that the romance was okay, but Spuria seemed so vengeful to me, you know, not helpless like any other heroine. I'm more used to the hero getting rid of the father, but this was different. This sounded sort of weird to me.


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 24
      Edit | Reply
      I had to follow certain rules for this story, as I originally wrote it for a contest-the reason she isn't the usual 'helpless heroine' is that I followed the time-honoured structure of ancient Greek and Roman myths, in which emotions were much stronger, and woman could be just as vengeful as men.

      Thank you for reading and commenting!


  • Shadows Falling
    October 23

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    I love how you used Ancient Greek mythology. Well done, and keep up the good work! I'm a fan of ALL mythology. This really caught my eye. Perfect names, they fit the characters well. Best of luck!

  • Minorchar
    October 22

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    Well, the first half dealt in cliches, but not to a terrible extent. The second half was... well, interesting. And cool, in an odd way. I'd like to see this refined and fleshed out a bit more, but as it is, you did a good job and I enjoyed reading it.


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    October 20
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    How interesting! I like the Roman setting, very different. Thanks for entering!

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    October 19

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    Hum, I almost didn't read this. I hate romance and when I opened with that I just about hit the back button but I didn't. This got very dark, very fast. Somehow in a dark twisted kind of way it reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, not meant to be together, lover's dying. You did very well on the scene where she kills her father and his guests. I'm glad you entered my contest and that i read your story. You are a finalist.


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 19
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      Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm very glad you did read it. I don't really like romance either, so I enjoyed giving it the usual ancient grecian tragedy treatment


  • Sveva gold member
    October 11

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    Love your descriptions, pure poetry If you ever felt like going into more detail, I would love to get a better mental picture of the actual transformation, from human to wolf.
    I thought the ending was exceptional, I can picture the characters living out their days and nights together.
    Overall a fantastic story and very enjoyable.


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 12
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much! I have thought about going into more detail and expanding it, I wrote it the length it is now as it was for a contest, but I would like to do more on it.

      Thank you for reading and commenting!


  • Forgotten Tink.
    October 11
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    Wow.

    Very well written, you did amazingly. Great write, pay attention to my rules though.

  • It seemed kind of unfinished... I think ou should try to wrk on the ending a little bit more. It was also too corny, and too short. you could write more about how they met, her and his childhoods, and other details. And what about how they wol feed themselves?
    overall to me it seemed like a legend or a fairytale, back from ancient mythology. good job on the names, and gods, it made it a little bit more "realistic" as a story set in those times...
    overall it was a nice read

  • Everyone else stole the words right from my mouth!! lol
    Awesome!!


  • ForestFaery
    April 2

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    wow... I..I LOVED IT!!!! it was so captivating so different... you are deffinatley one of my top ones yet! it was so interesting and beautifullly done! well done! I have read and written so many stories that this one just excites me to no end! WONDERFUL!


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    I read this when you hosted your own contest, and liked it then, too - I don't know why I didn't leave a comment the first time through! I like the way you've incorporated Greek mythology into the creation of werewolves - I've never thought of werewolves as being particularly Greek, but this sounds like a very plausible myth. Only the Greek gods would require her to take revenge on her father in order to get her lover back - the Greeks were scary like that! Watch the punctuation and capitalization in you dialogue tags. If you have dialogue followed by "he said," you don't need to capitalize "he" - unless it is a new sentence of its own. For instance:

    "I love you," he said.
    "I love you, too!" she replied.
    "Let's go away together." He said this as he looked over his shoulder at the moon.

    Lovely, overall. I enjoyed the read!


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      April 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much! Also, thank you for spotting the capital-I sometimes type something too fast, and then I don't notice it later when I go back over it!

      ~Mirry xx

  • WHOA OKAY..like always your work is just shockingly brilliant.. your usage of wolves and kinda like the vibes of mythology and legend... I mean whoa...

    How can he be so heartless, she thought, as to not care that he just took a man's life-and in effect, took mine, his own daughter's?

    I felt the line through and through the whole story was just brilliant...
    Thanks for entering
    good luck

    blake


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    March 28

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    Mythology is any form is much appreciated to my mind. The only thing that didn't feel right was when your character of the father called Odivius a little shit. Shit is a modern slang word and just doesn't fit here.
    But good luck in the contest.

    Brooke

  • mysterydragon
    March 23

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    i love this. it definately fell on the lines of what i was looking for. i especially liked the ending where they disappear to where no one could see them when in the beginning all they wanted was to be able to be out in public where everyone could see them. beautifully written.

  • I'm not sure, but I don't think 'evilly' is a word. (par. 26) How about 'nefariously' perhaps? 'Sinisterly'?

    This was a really good entry for that werewolf contest. You definitely deserved the gold

    Great description, characters, etc... I thought that Ovidius would be disappointed in Spuria for killing all those people, but I suppose he didn't care and was equally as vengeful. Very nice; I can admire written emotion because it's my personal weak point in my own writing.

    Fantastic!

    Eph


  • Amicus2K8
    March 21

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    Ah, how I love a love story...

    ...excellent...all the way through. You capture, without saying, that magical emotion that so few believe in and even fewer experience that of an all encompassing love between two people that takes and drives their lives into unknown areas and risks to preserve that love.

    I am such a romantic sap I shed tears when the boy died and felt the anger of the girl, very well written to make these ole eyes water!

    Very pleased to see you have so many admiring readers who, for the most part, left very good comments.

    Although I am not a fan of myth and Gods and such, placed in that time frame, when little was known and all things are possible, the more I read of this genre, the more I comprehend the purpose of those who write and enjoy reading such things.

    Thank you for the education and the pleasure of a great read...

    regards...

    Amicus...


  • Awww... I love Greek mythology! I love how you put that genre in this story. It is so sad when people have to believe that they have to run away to love each other. Very good! Thanks for entering, keep writing, and good luck!

  • WOW!!!!!!!!!!!

    Before I go on on the details of this comment, I want to first say that it has been a long while since I read a story that has made me feel romance, sadness, anger and cheer all in one!!!!
    If any of you are just skimming thru comments, to see what other people have mentioned(commented on) Then I implore you to read this story, it's GREAT!!! You will feel good reading it!
    SnowRose-wolf has made it easy for you to get into due to her great ability in wording and expressions within the story.

    (Someone has mentioned that this is not really that original, but to me its very original! I never read anything like it before!)

    SnowRose, I loved the way you have written the expressions of spuria, Not to give much of it away, I must say this, Her passion even after her curse given was a great addition, cause she felt sadness, rage and her memories was still intact even after her transformation! BRAVO snowRose if I could give more than 3 applauses I would, but I guess 3 is it for now. Thank you for sharing this! I needed a wow factor and this story was definitely it!


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      March 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much! I'm sure you're flattering me lol

      It always makes me smile , to see someone else who loves reading my chaotic little ramblings, thank oyu

      ~Miranda

  • Good story I really like it


  • dustbunni3
    March 15

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    "The moon sleepily peeped from behind a soft cloud, as though it were a silvery maiden peering from behind a curtain, watching to see if her more splendid brother had retired for the night, but the Apollo was not done with his fantasic show."

    "...but theirs was an forbidden love. " "an" should be 'a'

    Okay, now that I am done reading this, I thought it was excellent.. A few errors that could easily be fixed, but otherwise, it was such a creative story.. Thank you for entering the contest
    Ana


  • FantasyFable
    March 12

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    Wow! excellent story, I have only just had time to comment on it. I really enjoyed this, first and second time I read this. Typos are a nusience especially when you have read it a million times and someone still manages to spot the minutest one that is right in the middle of your story! I just tend to ignore them and concentrate on the story so you won't have any comments like that from me! lol I love the descriptions in this, as you know I love my Greek Mythology and many people get confused on whether it is Roman or Greek but usually they are both dramatically similar and based on the same story really so you could easily get away with the name difference or such like! (not unless you come across an expert like me! lol)

    Anyhow.. enough with the ramblings as I was saying about this fabulous story, what a grand little marvel this piece is and I agree it is much better with the bulked version of the killing of the father.

    I like how you have managed to get the reader to feel the love between the two characters even though we know nothing of their backgrounds it does not stop us from feeling the intense romance and emotion in this work. I think it is an excellent write and good luck in your contests you mightily deserve "at LEAST" an honorable mention if nothing else!! (but Gold preferably - of course! lol)

    You have amazingly managed to describe the situation and the feelings really well and I have not one fault with this story. It all flowed nice and was a really interesting piece to read again well done my friend!! 10/10

    . Rewarded 8


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      March 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for commenting Crystal, I really love it whenever anyone says they enjoyed this story, I surprised even myself with it!

      Thank you again for re-reading it, and I'm glad its better with the bulked up bit!

      ~Miranda x


  • Lirkness
    March 12
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    wow this is really great! i liked it alot! Keep it up


  • xnuriax
    March 12
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    It was great i really loved it

    xN


  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    March 11

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    Pretty good, actually, but not very original,'cept that the punishment involved werewolves.It kinda reminded me of that movie, Lady Death. Some proofreading errors, as well as word choice issues, such as sentences tha can be rephrased, but you've got the tone down great! The characters are very likable, but i feel it was a tad hasty of her to kill her father like that. Maybe you shud have emphasized that the dad was evil a bit more.

    . Rewarded 8

  • Floydish
    March 11

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    Well written, yet for me, sentimentality and greek mythology simply don't do it.
    I'd recommend going through and making it sharper, but I 'spose that's not what you're going for, so feel free to write this comment off as someone who's read a bit too much Chandler sticking his beak in where it's not wanted.
    (Enjoyed the personification of the Sun and the Moon, mind)

    . Rewarded 6


  • CactusJack silver member
    March 7

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    Well, usually when a story goes up so quickly its one of two reasons. The person didn't understand the prompt and just wrote anything or they totally got the prompt and immediately bang out a great read. This was definitely the latter! Who told you I like greek mythology? This is a spin I would have never taken myself and did not see coming. Great job on the prompt and good luck in the contest.

    Jack

  • sanapp123
    March 6
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    a great story! truly captures your attention!


  • AncientCore
    March 6
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    Very Good

    I loved this story, it is very good, continue writing 10/10. WOOT!


  • Doppleganger
    March 6

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    Amusing

    Okay so let us start with the good news and work our way to the not so good. Firstly, I love the theme of unrequited love, and think it is one of the most beautiful themes in the world. Second I absolutely adore Greek mythology and anything having to do with it. Having said that I feel that your story could have used some more refrences to the powers that be. Eris is the Greek god of vengence and wrath, and I would have liked to see a reference to her in this story. Second I think you meant to use forbidden love instead of unforbidden. Third and probably most important, is that this story felt sort of rushed. There was often a lack of description and the tempo of the story was hard to follow. Even under certain constraints I think it would be possible to slow it down a little. Brevity may be the source of wit, but it is deffinatly not the source of great plot lines. This problem is quite fixable, and I hope I don't seem to rash in my critique (I tend to be percieved as a tad harsh). Godspeed on your future endevors.

    Sincerely,

    Rafeil de Medici

    . Rewarded 8


  • seraneance
    March 6

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    I love how you based the setting in Rome and used greek gods. You're an extremely good writer. The way you showed the father made feel how angery Spuria was.

    . Rewarded 4

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