"Typical. Why, in a city full of department stores, discount stores, and supermarkets did eighty-seven percent of us walk around with only newspapers and handbags covering our heads from the rain? Why in the thirty-five years I've lived in this city, braved the wet winters could I not remember my umbrella?1
Every-time I asked those questions I can never answer them. The umbrella sits by my front door, leaning against the corner. It's all wrapped up, snug as a pig in a blanket.2
Yum, oh I must be hungry. Sorry about that.3
Where was I? Oh yes, my umbrella. Black as my mood, it sits waiting for me to use it. Calls my name when I'm down the street and already soaking wet.4
I don't know whether to curse the rain, my empty-headedness or the umbrella. I should probably blame it on myself, but I won't.5
Ok, so there I was standing on a corner, huge gaping puddle in front of me, drenched and holding my purse above my head, because once again I have walked out of my house without my umbrella. I should have just dropped my arm, I mean it wasn't doing me any good, but like most of the other people on the street that day, I gave it my best try.6
In the back of my mind I could hear my umbrella laughing at me, mocking me from my dry house.7
I just started to step off the curb when someone pulled me back. A car speed by, causing a tidalwave to engulf me and my rescuer.8
I was shaking my fist at the passing menace, asking the all mighty Gods to curse the person driving.9
'A pox upon your descendants,' I called. Yes, I read too many old books.10
When I heard laughing behind me. I turned to find a man under an umbrella.11
An umbrella! I was shocked. It was brightly colored. Each panel a different hue and it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.12
It was then I knew I was in love. I didn't care if the man was the ugliest person on this ball of dirt we call Earth. He had an umbrella and he had my heart."
Author notes
My try at humor. Didn't quite come out the way I intended, but hey at least I tried.
In a list
A contest entry
- Options (Humor Theme) ~~Collab Co-Hosts~~ by theDARK1.
350 points, ended August 11, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Lost Soul 12.
175 points, ended October 4, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Not enough?
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Ha! I loved it! Bravo! It had the romance I liked it in, but with a twist!!
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I'm glad you liked it
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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The humour did come across in this piece. It brought a smile to my miserable face this morning, so well done!
Two teeny-weeny suggestions:
paragraph 8 - I think you meant 'sped' and not 'speed'.
paragraph 11 - When I heard laughing behind me(,) I turned to ...etc.
Regards
Bernic
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I like the first person approach. Gives credibility to the story. I like the idea of the umbrella waiting at home, quite dry, laughing at you. Good yarn, I like it.
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I had a good laugh at this.
Using first person was a good idea as it helped the humour along.
I could see in my mind what was happening, especially with the tidalwave
As for your rescuer; what a great contrast, moving from your dark mood on to the brightly coloured umbrella. Excellent work
Lawrie
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I'm glad I could make you laugh. I don't do humor very well and when I do write it is in small doses.
Thanks again
Brooke
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Sounds good to me
Very cute. I liked it. I have two unbrellas but I don't think they've ever been wet.
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I use my umbrella all the time. I live in a place that when it is winter it means rain
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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This ending was sooo cute! Very intrguing piece....
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It certainly must have fit the prompt and been comical enought
I thought it was funny, Brooke. And it certainly hit home--I have a dozen or so umbrellas falling over everytime someone opens the coat closet
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But be it man, woman, or child let it rain and they come home drenched.
It certainly must have fit the prompt and been comical enought to win Gold
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Congrats.
Geri
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I loved reading this. I often turn a plastic grocery store bag int a wonderfu head covering during a storm.
My favorite line, 'A pox upon your descendants,' I called. Yes, I read too many old books.
I just loved that line, an effctive and funny way to curse without profanity.
I loved the imagry and the man with the rainbow umbrella was such a nice ending.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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A wonderful write. Quick and has so many details. It's as if I'm right next to you or even in your head. :] Crazy but awesome.
The itch that I have is minor. Para. 3 the 'Oh' shouldn't be caps.
I love the details and how the umbrella is constant through the story. Delightful.
Cheers,
Simpl -
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Thanks for reading and I will fix that mistake right this minute. Glad you enjoyed it. This was fun to write.
Brooke
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hehe... this was fun. Though I don't think an umbrella would have kept you dry with that tidal wave hitting you. I don't get why people even try to cover their heads if they don't have an umbrella anyway. I personally like the rain so I never even try.
p10 Shouldn't 'A pox upon your descendants,' be in single quotes?
Other than that, I liked your imagery and how you talk about your umbrella mocking you.
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I think you are on to something there. I will go back and fix that. Thanks for pointing it out
Brooke
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Simple but meaningful descriptions, I like. Love the a pox :-P lmao. Kind of interesting that he has a colorful umbrella reveals what type of person he is... and you didn't even have to say it.
*poke* *licks story* *rubs laptop screen dry >.<* -
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Hahahahah, nice last line
Thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked it.
Brooke
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ella.. ella..
Under my umbrella..
Haha I liked this. On some occassions, I feel like I can relate with the umbrella-less woman. It's weird how one year of work can sap away the cheerfulness (like it did to me), and yet, there are occassions when a simple vision or action, like a figurative "man with an umbrella" could truly capture your heart
Lighthearted, smart, and I love that it may be interpretted in many other ways woot!
Thanks for this, Brooke! You deserve the gold
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You need to get back into writing and start hanging around here again You've a great sense of fun and I miss it
Thanks for the comment.
Brooke
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Lmao, a pox upon your descendants??? *keels over*
This IS humor. Love the ending, very humorously sweet. Wonder what the poor umbrella dude thought.
HT -
funny
lol. you had me laughing so hard. Great job. -
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Thanks for stopping by and reading.
Brooke
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itz hard to laugh at others misfortunes, but i was laughing at several things. one, i could see the umbrella laughing if it was like a person making fun of you for leaving it behind. then second, i could vision the big splash of water from th passing motorist. funny as long as it didn't happen to me, but i'm sure you guessed that (hehehe). good luck in the contest, DARK.
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This has never happened to me, but you see it so much on movies and such that it just popped into my head when I was reading your contest.
Glad I could make you laugh.
Thanks for reading
Brooke
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Love can be found at many places. You may hate me for I don't even own an umbrella and sometimes drive my convertible with the top down in the rain. Yes, it's true that I'm crazy for the rain (could be considered an understatement). Good luck in the contest.
Ted E
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How can I hate a man after my own heart? I love the rain too and will stand out in it for hours. I don't have a convertible but if I did I would do the samething.
Thanks for reading.
Brooke -
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Now you sound like a girl after my own heart. I truly do love the rain. That's what even made me famous over at AP (my rain girl poems...then of course came the erotica-lol)
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A fun read where in this dummy appreciated the irony.
Brooke, it's almost a love story. A fun read where in this dummy appreciated the irony.
Having spent the better part of some forty some years, dodging rain drops.
Owning countless umbrellas
that never left home or took up permanent residency in the truck of my car or office closet, I fully understand the lady’s plight.
That fellow could have taken me off to Mars, and I would have went, just for the protection of his umbrella.
Geri
beginning: 5, ending: 5.
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Yes, this is so familiar to those of us in the Pacific NW! We buy those great umbrellas, thoughtfully give them as gifts. The super helpful things are made so very compact but still are left in the house or yes, even in the car.
(Oh, I believe "tidal wave" is what you want... "titlewave" might have something to do with waves of title to property)
10 Is this statement said out loud? If so maybe in quotation marks?
Of course in the Seattle area there is always the Bumbershoot festival --- another word for umbrella
Thanks for the laugh
Jim -
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Thanks Jim. I was thinking of Seattle and Portland when I wrote this.
Thanks again.
Brooke
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Lol. Cute story Brooke. It made me chuckle while drinking my coffee trying to wake up.
And I can totally relate to it being a bus rider. It's happened to me many times. Even the tidalwave caused by a car going by. *grumbles*
Thanks for the wake up laugh.
Greg
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How come you are the only one that said tidalwave? I could not remember how to spell it. Now I have to go and changed it.
Thanks
Brooke
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very cute story. i definitely loved the ending. "He had an umbrella and he had my heart." Wonderfully done. Good luck.
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Thanks. My first try at humor.
Brooke
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Haha, love the ending =P "He had an umbrella and he had my heart" =D
I like this Brooke... Don't think I've read humorous stories from you before, but I'd say you definitely succeeded with this one! And apart from making me smile, it's also a story about a very common problem, hehe =)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Thanks Mads. I've never done humor before.
Brooke
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LOL awww I think this is cute and funny! It made me laugh as I read through it. Some of the things she said like the pig in a blanket (btw spelling mistake there you had pic for pig. ) and the pox line. Very cute and clever little story you have here Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
~Joann
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Thanks. This is my first attempt at humor.
I'll go and see about a couple of errors I saw.
Brooke
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