Drowning in a sea of lies
Broken by the tainted alibis
Shattered is my bleeding heart
Crushed like a raspberry tart
Flushed down the drain
Engulfed in the excruciating pain
Torn in bits of blood stained pieces
Crumbled up like a bad thesis
Ripped apart in a million shreds
Shoved out and left for dead
Tattered in a painful perversion
Twisted and left as a mere diversion
Pushed around like some mindless toy
Yanked about removing the joy
Curdled are the lies you sew
Hatred in my words do show
Bashed so hard and sick of hurt
Holding tight to my blood stained shirt
Fallen hard on to the ground
Embraced by the darkness all around
Wrapped so tight by the devils flames
Needed by him I stake my claim
Diminished love starts to fade
Welcomed in becomes the shade
Vanished is the light that once shone
Replaced by dark in my new found home1
A contest entry
- Poetry contest by Xtclozer-.
700 points, ended March 9, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think... Comments are much appreciated :)
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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wow full of emotion.
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Very emotional with rather vivid description, flows very well from start to finish. I do like the rhyming in couplets, it adds to the impact of the whole piece.
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wow your poetry is full of true emotions and vivid imagery. The rhyming in this flows right from the lips I am not a big fan of rhyme but I really enjoyed this - you pulled it off beautifully
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wow this is so full of raw emotion, this is excellent and I love how you have managed to get the words to rhyme.
It flows ever so nicely and the desciptive words you have used just blow you away.
I like the fact that you have blocked it and not put it into stanzas it gives it more of a bold sort of "all out there with the feelings" sort of twist, like as if you just wanted to flow it all out with no stops because thats how you feel.
My favourite lines are:-
Diminished love starts to fade
Welcomed in becomes the shade
Gives this feeling of happiness leaving and depression and unhappiness slowly slipping in to replace it.
really enjoyed reading this nice piece! keep writing!
C.E
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this is good
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I love this poem!
All the emotions and the rhyme was just so amazing, beautiful and sad.
What you said about the heart was very deep which is good in this type of poetry.
I loved this so much!
Good luck with the contest! (Not that I think you need it!)
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This is so good. It just looks like a run-on sentence, but that's ok, it's still the best
Good job on this and keep the good work up!
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Very nice. I like the whole metaphor about your heart and how much loves past have destroyed it. Great job, again.!
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Whoa. A deep poem here, lol. You also have a good way with darkness...just the way you describe it. It was a great flow and the description was awesome.
Keep writing!!
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geez, woman! get rid of her already! lol
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ops, I spelt Raspberry wrong.
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The rhyming flowed perfectly, except for one part.. the raspberrie tart part, or w.e xD Besides that, I loved it. I could feel the emotion, and I absolutely loved the pain in it.
Great job, and good luck in my contest
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Tattered in a painful perversion
Twisted and left as a mere diversion
Pushed around like some mindless toy
Yanked about removing the joy
I loved those lines as this poem so openly hits home... you have delved ever so deeply into the core of your heart and lay it here, baring us to see the emotions that are twisting and turning inside you... thank you for the honesty....
you have much potential, great potetnial in the feild of darkness let me tell you that ^_^
Love Blair
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Very dark and deep poetry here. Feeling sadness and distress in thi poem. It makes me sad and want to cry. This is really well written.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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