The Breakfast Affair

Five days, five incidents. Radio and television flooded the air waves with the story. The public was becoming uneasy. The mayor called headquarters, demanding we bring the case to a close, or heads were going to roll. I had no doubt my head would be the first on the chopping block.1

As Chief Inspector, I was the man in charge of the investigation. My five investigators were working day and night to try and solve the case, leaving their families, friends and love ones behind, to work the streets, to knock on doors, whatever it took to track the culprit down. Everywhere we turned, there were the television crews with their cameras, the radio guys waving a mike at us. The pressure was coming from all sides.2

I had to pull my investigators in for a meeting. We had to find a way to relieve some of the pressure, to give us a little wiggle room. 3

We met in my office. My men had settled where ever they could find a seat. Two sat in the chairs before my desk; one took up a position on the edge of my desk, never mind the dirty look I gave him. The other two took to the floor and leaned against the wall.
“Men, we are at the table without a spoon, so to speak. Let’s review what we have so far.” I pointed to Jack Slim, one of my boys sitting on the floor. “Tell me what you got, Jack.”4

“Not much, Inspector. We were called to an apartment over on Market, 7300 block. Found remains all over the kitchen, on the floor, on the table. It was a damn mess.”5

I turned to Mac Miller, seated on the edge of my desk. I nodded in his direction.6

“Not much here either, boss, " Mac said, blowing a cloud of smoke towards the ceiling and crushing his smoke out in the ashtray on my desk. “Better neighborhood, nice homes, large lawns, high rent, but the same M.O. Only this time it was on the patio. Remains started just outside the patio door, spread across the patio blocks and onto the grass next to the pool. Not a pretty sight.” Mac Miller tapped the end of another smoke on the desk, shoved it in his mouth and reached for his lighter.7

I thought for a moment. It was looking like a basic pattern. I pointed to Biff Burton, the other investigator seated on the floor. “OK, Biff, give me the beef,” I tried hard not to grin at my own humor. 8

Biff, a heavy set veteran, just a few years from retirement, shook his head side to side, and made clicking sounds with his tongue. “Hell, same thing here. Downtown, inside Mattie’s Strip joint. On the stage, remains all over the place. Took a crew hours to clean the place. They had to cancel the evening show.”9

I glanced at the two investigators seated in the chairs in front of my desk. I had a feeling their stories were not going to be much different. I nodded toward Barney Blunco, one of the rookies on the team.10

“Happened down at the lake. On the boat dock.” Barney didn’t look like he was feeling well. “Man, I hope the hell I don’t see anything like that ever again.”11

“Yeah, know what you mean," I said. The other investigator sitting in one of the chairs in front of my desk was Jess Julie. His eyes were closed, a slight quiver on his lips as he breathed in and out. I hated like hell to wake him. I picked up the stapler off my desk and sailed in through the air in his direction. To my surprise, Jess suddenly opened his eyes, reached into the air and caught the stapler. He sniffed and wrinkled his nose, then shrugged. 12

Jess handed the stapler to me, crossed his left leg over his right, and leaned toward my desk. “Happened at the Grimm Hotel, in the dinning area. Same crap.” He waved his hands around. “Crap all over the place. Man, we got some weird crap going down.”13

The phone rang. I picked up the receiver and jammed it against my ear. “Leonard, that you?” It was Commander Luther Lovell. 14

“Yea, Commander Lovell.”15

“Leonard, you got ten minutes to come up with something on this case. I don’t know what, but you damn well better have something that sounds like progress. The Mayor is expected here within minutes. Television and radio crews are already outside the building. This is it, man; you got to give us something?”16

“Sure, Commander”, I said, and placed the receiver back on the phone. I looked at the men seated in my office. "Okay, I think I have a hold on this thing. At least I hope so, or we will all be looking for jobs tomorrow. I have to give them some indication we are making headway on the case. Anything to cool off the mayor and give the press something to jawbone about. I explained what I needed my men to do. Then we headed out of my office and down the hall where the Mayor, the commander and the Television and radio crews were waiting.17

The commander approached the microphones. “Mr. Mayor, Ladies and Gentleman, citizens,” he started. He took a moment to wipe his forehead with his handkerchief. “I understand the concerns. I want to assure you, we are making headway. Our team of investigators, headed by Inspector Leonard Laffwell, have been working day and night. We expect a break in the case at any moment. The commander turned and nodded towards me. “At this time, I would like Inspector Leonard Laffwell to step forward and bring you up to date.”18

I stepped toward the microphones, careful to see that each of my men followed. I turned to see all five of my inspectors lined up just behind me. Okay,I though, this was it. If my hunch was correct, I would have enough information to put a damper on the unrest and prove we were making headway in the case.19

“Thank you, Commander. Mr. Mayor, citizens," I said. “Behind me you see the backbone of this investigation, my inspectors. I have a question for each of them, and I would hope their answers here today will shed light on this mystery. And give reason for you to believe we are moving ever closer to solving this case. I took a deep breath and turned to face my men.20

I Looked at Jack Slim. He straightens his tie. “Jack Slim, what was the name of the victim at 7300 Market?”21

“Toasted Flakes, “ Jack said.22

I nodded to Mac Miller. “Frosted Wheat, “ Mac shouted.23

Biff Burton took one step forward. “Down at Mattie’s Strip Joint, it was Wheat and Rice Crisps, Inspector, Sir. “ 24

Barney, the victim on the boat dock was?” I asked.25

“It was all over the dock. Terrible….It was Natural Grain Flakes.”26

I pointed to Jess Julie. “Tell us, Jess.”27

“Yes, Sir, Well, it was Graham crackers Crunch.”28

“Thank you, inspectors.” I took a moment to let the information sink in. I looked directly into the television camera. “ Mr. Mayor, Commander, fellow citizens.” I paused for just a second, making sure I had everyone’s attention. “After hours of hard work, shoe leather, and dedication by the men you see standing behind me, I am proud to say I have some new evidence to present.. “ The mayor was smiling. The Commander rocked back and forth on his heels as he glanced at the Mayor, and then back to the Camera, his grin becoming wider and wider. This was it, this was the time to drop the big one. I wasn’t going to sugar coat it. I wouldn’t milk it for more publicity, I was going straight out with it. Turn the bowl over, so to speak. Then I let it go. “I have no doubts that we are face to face with a cereal killer.”29

And with that, I motioned my men to follow, and headed downstairs to Finn’s Fine Inn to buy drinks. A damn cereal killer. Go figure.30