"Goodbye Jeffery I'll never forget you." Asura told her love crying into his warm hands."11
"I still don't understand where you're going." Jeffery asked her holding her close.22
“I’m going home you know I’m not from this planet." Asura told him looking up into his warm chocolate eyes.33
“Asura its okay...you just want to go home." Jeffery told her tearing up at the thought of the love of his life leaving him4
"Jeffery I..."55
"It's okay I know I just want you to be happy and I know you could never truly be happy here." he told her leaning down and kissing her gently on her soft cherry lips.66
"Jeffery..." Asura asked breaking the kiss.77
"Yes Asura?" He asked as Asura held her hand to her heart creating a blue swirl.88
“I want you to have this to remember me by. Remember my favorite saying.” Love will never melt,” Asura told him, handing him a Rose made of pure ice. "Remember that the rose stands for love as in I will love you always," Asura told him again wiping a crystal tear from her eye. 99
“I forgot you have the power of ice it’s beautiful Asura. Thank you.” Jeffery told her taking it from her hand gently.1010
“I promise I’ll come back some day for you. Right now I have to finish something personal that unfortunetly I started. As long as you love me that rose will never melt no matter what happens or how warm it is.” Asura told him kissing him once more.1111
“I promise I'll never forget you. I’ll keep your gift alive no matter how long it takes.” Jeffery told her sadly looking into her freezing like ice eyes.1212
“Good-bye Jeffery” Asura said sadly pulling her hand from his. Tears streaming down her face as she turned away from him and headed home. 1313
Leaving him to hold her flower close to his heart he could feel a single crystal tear falling from his cheek and onto the crystallized rose as he watched his love enter a blue fog and disappear...perhaps forever14
Author notes
this is a dream I had about a month ago I forgot about it but I finally got it in hope you enjoy and there is not much about me I love animals and I'm a fifteen year old girl from california who loves writing sad poems or I write about dreams
For another contest I chose a Dream/Love story and i'm sort of a shy/quiet girl
A contest entry
- Whatcha Feel Like. by lovableReese.
510 points, ended March 12, 33 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I LOVE YOU by Pomodorina.
145 points, ended March 19, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me a Love Confession! by SympatheticMisery.
220 points, ended May 18, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Love hurts. by Yoko.
105 points, ended June 14, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just another love story! by Melissa Loves Jeffy.
270 points, ended August 5, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - love, dreams, wishes, and kisses ♥ by miles of smiles.
1225 points, ended June 30, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Dreamer In Our Midst- The Collective Of Dreams by Miss Hanako Megumi.
500 points, ended September 8, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
please comment
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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What a cute and loveydovey idea! It startled me that she was from another planet= it was a fresh and interesting idea...not cliche at all, THANK YOU! The rose part made me go "awwww". However, watch your grammar- you had some missing puncuation here and there, and some awkward phrasing. Overall, great job!
Good luck.
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Awwww this is such a cute piece. A rose of ice that never melts as long as he still loves her... Thats a great idea. I wish my dreams were that creative lol.
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So sad. Wow. Love will never melt. Hm, I wonder if he kept his promise. That was awesome! =) That is so cool. Nicly written. Keep writing. Hehe, mew!
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Curious. I liked it. Very soft-hearted and pretty. Although, I have only one issue, Jeffery says that he doesn't understand and then, after a short sentence, he does. It just seems a bit misshapen. Other than that, this was a great short story. And an interesting dream, I bet. I've been working on writing about my dreams, too. Keep writing.
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Wow, I agree with the previous comment...that was very deep. I love how you conveyed that the story was not taking place on this earth in subtle hints, never saying it outright. The love between the two is beautiful and I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Wow, that was really deep...
I would leave yuo a big ass comment, but then I know it would become a little bit too personal for me... So I'm only gonna say great job.. -
O.o
Interesting dream
I always fine dreams and nightmares can bring such inspiration and odd stories into the making
good luck
well done
thanks for entering
Blair~~
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I don't mean to be anal, but you really need to work on your grammar. When a piece has run on sentences and missing punctuation it is harder to enjoy it. I know it might seem that it does not matter, but to a lot of people it does. I noticed that one of the previous reviewers mentioned the grammar thing, and I think you should work on that before submitting this any more. But it's your story.
I'm not a very big fan of sappy romances. This was not my kind of thing, and it was hard for me to get into because of the poor grammar.
But congratulations on the gold trophy, obviously some people really liked this, and that is all a writer can hope for. Thanks for entering! -
This is pretty good. I enjoyed reading it. FOr such a short piece it had good passion.
Well done.
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thanks for catching that it's fixed
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Aww, that was so cute! I love your descriptions, but you broke one of my biggest rules- I'm a huge grammar nazi, and alot of your paragraphes and sentences are missing correct grammar.
“I want you to have this to remember me by. Remember my favorite saying. Love will never melt(,)” Asura told him(,) handing him a Rose made of pure ice. "Remember that the rose stands for love. I will love you always(,)" Asura told him again(,) wiping a crystal tear from her eye(.) 99
Please fix your grammar, and then I will re-read it. Thanks, and good luck!
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thanks for your comments and i'm sorry it's short but i can't remember anything else from it to make it longer and suggestions???
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Best Of 2008... So Far
This is really good, but i have already left a comment so i won't go into to much detail. I was looking for something new... even though i love this piece, I will not give you any reward because it isn't new. -
What a dream. This is nice although it needs revising. Great job. Thanks for entering. Keep up your great work.
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Interesting dream..
And lovely, too.
It's sad, though..
I like the idea of an ice rose.
Good work. -
This is really amazing. I never remember the dreams I have. You, however put it into a perfect story that was emotional and there is nothing else to say. I love it.
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very sad and sweet. the ice rose thing is soooo cute!
thanks for entering and good luck! -
This was very nice. I like the ice rose. That was definatly different. I liked this story. It was very sad. I love stories about two people who love each other no matter what.
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Wow thats a powerful dream i love it thanks for the add
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