Jason and Hanna

Mom was yelling at me yet again for not feeding the horses and I ran downstairs to grab my journal, my pocketknife and my pen. I ran outside, took the dogs with me and shut the door without looking at her. I was immediately stung by the cold air, but I kept walking towards the trail. I swept my bangs over my face so no one could see the anger in my eyes. The wind was howling and when I got down to the water, the trees were screeching as if they would fall any minute. I climbed onto the tree that I used as a bridge and huddled into a ball. Raindrops started to fall on my black jacket and then it started to really pour. I didn’t care. Tears started to roll down my dirty face and I smacked my journal down on the slippery wood. I took out my pen and started to write whatever came into my mind. It was dark now and I could barely see what I was writing but I needed to get this all out before something else would happen. 1

I closed my journal and took out my pocketknife. I remember my first time, the time I was so inexperienced and the time my mom found out. She called me ‘sick’ and a ‘fucking idiot.’ But I never did care what other people thought, I always reminded myself that this was my life and no one could stop me from what I wanted to do. I rolled up my sleeve and flipped the knife open. I felt the cool metal on my bruised skin. My green veins ran down my arm like tiny snakes. I took hold of the knife with my trembling fingers and slowly sliced the delicate skin. Blood started to ooze out and I couldn’t feel anything. My mind went blank and my body went numb as I ran the blade back and forth until another cut appeared. The red liquid felt warm and satisfying. Where the knife didn’t cut, red started to emerge and white formed around it. I looked at my wrist, now twenty two scars there from this time and the three times before. I let the blood seep because I liked how it looked. I felt like I actually belonged somewhere for doing this to myself. I put my wristband back on and the cotton pressed against my new, open wounds. The stinging felt so good.2

My head had cleared and I had no more anger or frustration left inside me. My ears started to burn from the bitter air and I got up and ran up the trail towards the house. The wind started howling real bad and it was so strong I felt like I was being pushed around. Then all of a sudden something spun me around by the shoulder and the next thing I knew my lips were on someone else’s. I pushed away and punched Jason softly in the chest. 3

“You shouldn’t frighten me like that!”4

“Ha, sorry Hanna did I scare you?” 5

“Yeah.” I said, relaxing a little. The wind was still blowing hard and I wanted to get out of the cold as soon as possible. My mom didn’t like Jason and since I wanted to spend more time with him, I took his hand and starting leading him to the barn. 6

“Where are we going? Is your Mom home?” His voice was a bit shaky.7

“Yeah, but I thought it was a good idea to go to the barn. You know, to get out of the wind.”8

“Right.” I felt him calm down some. I opened the gate, went through, and Jason closed it after him. It started to rain and I ran towards the door, not wanting my hair to get poofy. I had spent at least a half an hour trying to straighten it this morning.9

“So, what is there to do down here?” He asked with a smirk on his face. His mind was probably in the gutter as usual. I turned some of the lights on since it was so dark outside and in here. 10

“There, I can actually see something now.” I said, feeling a bit more comfortable because of my fear of the dark. Jason took me into the tack room and we both sat down on the wooden chairs in there. The heat was on and it felt good compared to the freezing air outside.11

“Let me see.” He said looking at my wrist.12

“Why?” I had no idea why he wanted to see my scars.13

“Just let me, please?” Fine. I rolled up my sleeve and took the wristband off.14

“Damn, Hanna did you just do these ones?” 15

“Yeah.” Now that I look at them, they’re all ugly and bruised. 16

“Why did you do this? I mean, I care about you, don’t I?” Shit, why’d he have to bring that up? 17

“And so do your parents and everyone at school, too.” Yeah, I know the list goes on and on and on. 18

“I don’t know, look I don’t wanna talk about it, Jason.” I say as I climb onto his lap. 19

“Okay.” I can tell from the tone of his voice he likes where this is going. I start to rub the inside of his thigh and he strokes my hair. Jason reaches up and turns the light out. He begins to kiss my neck when all of a sudden we both see headlights coming up the driveway. I quickly climb off his lap and he scrambles to the bathroom. I hear it lock and whisper for him to stay there and that everything will be fine.20

“Hanna?” I hear my mother yell. “Honey, what have you been doing? It’s pouring down rain outside!”21

“Yeah I know, that’s why I made a quick run to the barn.” I hope she believes me……22

“Okay, well did you feed the donkeys yet?”23

“Uh, yeah…” No.24

“What about the cats,”25

“Yeah.” No.26

“and the horses?”27

“Umm, not yet, let me do that now. I’ll meet you out in the car in a couple of minutes. Okay?”28

“Alright, sweetie.” She says as she pulls her hood over her blond hair and walks out the door. I run to the bathroom and knock quietly on the door. 29

“Jason?” I whisper.30

“Hanna?”31

“Yeah, babe, it’s me.” Thank god he’s still here.32

He unlocks the door and wraps his arms around me.33

“I better get outta here.”34

“Here, let me feed the horses first and when my mom and I leave you can go, sound good?”35

“Yeah, okay.” He says as I kiss him and rush off to the feed room. I shovel some grain and get a bail of hay. I wheel it all down to the field and divide it all into four piles. I run the wheel barrow up the hill to the barn and turn off all the lights, acting as though my boyfriend wasn’t still inside. 36

“Wait, Hanna!” I hear Jason whisper through the rain. I run back as if I had forgotten something. Oh, wait, I did. He hands me back my journal.37

“You weren’t reading this were you?” I ask him in a squeaky voice.38

“Maybe just a little….” I punch him, then hug hum and say goodbye.39

“Bye.” God, he’s so cute.40

I walk outside, shut the door and climb into the passenger seat. 41

“Man, it’s really raining, isn’t it, Mom?”42

“Yeah, dinners on the table, so dry off as quickly as you can, okay Hanna?”43

“Yeah, okay.”44

I come in and see that Dad and Doris have already started eating. Dad eats like a pig. I run upstairs and get out of my soaked clothes. I put on shorts and a tee shirt and look in the mirror. I don’t look that bad, my eyeliner hadn’t smeared, but my hair was messed up. 45

“How was your day, Hanna?” Dad asks as soon as I sit down at the table and start eating. With Jason’s surprise visit what can I say, it was great. But no, I can’t say that, they don’t know I saw him today.46

“Fine, Daddy.” I look over to Doris; she’s fifteen-only a year younger than me. I can’t believe she has anorexia. She’s so pretty, why does she think she’s fat?47

“Come on, Doris eat. Boys don’t like skinny bitches.” I say, looking down at her stick thin legs. I finish my dinner in a few minutes and ask if I can be excused. I rinse off my plate and hurry downstairs. I picked my room because it has a door in the back that leads to the outside world. I can always sneak out. I gently open the door, making sure I don’t make a sound. I call Jason. 1-301-518-903748

“Hello?”49

“Hey, Jason it’s me, Hanna.”50

“Oh, hi.”51

“Listen sorry about tonight, I wanna make it up to you.” 52

“No, no it’s alright! Don’t worry ‘bout it.” 53

“Wanna meet somewhere?”54

“Uh…..now?”55

“Uh…..yeah.” I say with a little sarcasm. 56

“It’s nine thirty!”57

“So? Were 16, remember? We can do what we want! Um…we’ll meet at the theatre. Does that sound okay?” Please say yes……58

“Yeah, great, see you there in 10 minutes.” He chuckles. 59

I get my skinny jeans, my sweatshirt, my eyeliner, my converse and my raincoat. Oh, and my wristband.60

“Mom?”61

“Yeah, honey?”62

“I’m going out with some of my friends. I’ll be back in an hour. If you need me I’ve got my cell phone.”63

“Okay, have fun, be safe.” I love that she lets me do whatever I want as long as I have my cell phone. Ha.64

I get into my car and drive carefully down the street. This is the time deer come out and I really don’t want to hit any.65

“Hey Jason! Wait!”66

“Hey Hanna!” He takes me into his arms and kisses me deeply. His brown shaggy hair falls into my face. I look him over: black skinny jeans, white hoodie, converse and of course, eyeliner. Same as usual.67

“So, we’ve got an hour. What do you wanna do?” I ask him, not really knowing myself.68

“Uh, we could go get pizza and play lazar tag. Or we could catch a short film, or we could go play pool and get a bowl of chili.”69

“Okay, uh…..lets let’s play pool but ditch the chili and get sundaes.”70

“Okay.” As long as it involves food, he has no problem with it.71

He grabs my waist and we walk to the hard rock café together. After about forty minutes of eating ice cream and chocolate and cherries and soda, we lay down our poles and pay the cashier. We go out to the local park and sit on the swings. 72

“They’re wet.” I say, not wanting to sit on them anymore.73

“No duh, it’s been raining like hell. Just flip ‘em over, then they’re good as new.” 74

It was nice, just sitting there looking up at the stars, at the moonless black sky. It was just so peaceful, like time had stopped. 75

I guess I had fallen asleep, because when I woke up, I was lying on my bed wrapped in the white sheets. Black, muddy footprints stained the carpet and I bet my mother scolded Jason for that. I got fed up with just lying there, so I pulled on sweats and a holey shirt and went upstairs. 76

“Good morning, sweetie.” Mom said, carrying a tray of fresh baked cinnamon buns out of the oven. 77

“Good morning.” I looked over at the table. Doris was making a face at the buns. 78

“Mom, can I make my own breakfast this time?” She’s so pathetic, its not like four hundred calories is going to mess up your whole entire life.79

“Fine.” She sighed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to make her eat anything she wanted her to. Doris went through the cupboard and pulled out a handful of almonds. Then she walked out.80

“I’m going to go for a run. I’ll take the dogs with me.” I said, grabbing my ipod. 81

“Be back by ten, you have a dentist appointment.” Mom called after me.82

“Okay. Maggie! Katie!” The dogs came running to me and I shut the door after them.83

It was a lovely morning, the clouds were all poofy and the sky was the most beautiful blue. I would make a poem about it when I got back home. Meanwhile, I took the ear buds and plugged them in my ears. I put on three days grace and began to run down a familiar trail.84

I eventually ran out of breath, and started to jog. Then, when the music became louder, I started to run again. The field I was running through had a lot of sharp weeds sticking up and my legs started to itch from all the cuts. The dogs were a mile ahead of me and I decided to take a break. I leaned against an old, rusty gate. The air was cool, not as cold as it was last night, but a bit warmer. I picked up my pace again and put on Linkin Park. 85

Then all of a sudden I saw a massive brown furry thing poke out of a nearby bush. Immediately, Katie saw it and darted through the woods with Maggie behind her. 86

“Katie! Get back here!” I hated the fact they would never listen to me. I whistled a few times and heard nasty snarling sounds and a few yelps. I got a little scared.87

“Maggie!” I called. There was a slight rustle in a shrub and Maggie came out limping with blood drizzling down her leg. I gasped and bent down to stroke her fur. She was whimpering and looking back out at the forest. 88

“Katie!” I whistled yet again. “Katie!” I heard a growl and a thrashing sound. The growl didn’t belong to my dog. I rummaged through my pocket until I found my cell phone and quickly dialed home. 89

“Hello?” Mom answered.90

“Mom, something has Katie in the woods. Maggie is hurt and I think it’s a bear. Can you get the gator and come get Maggie? She’s bleeding. I’m on the trail that leads to the first stream at the bottom of the field.”91

“Okay, I’m on my way, keep whistling for Katie.”92

“Okay, hurry.”93

Maggie is bleeding endlessly and soon my clothes are soaked with fresh, red blood. Her body starts to collapse in my arms and I shake her gently, as if it will keep her alive. Her eyes start to get cloudy and as I stare into them, a glaze molds over them. 94

“Maggie, don’t die. Don’t die, Maggie, don’t die.” I sob and tears start to spill.95

A ripping sound comes from the forest and I hear barking and yelping. Katie is a German shepherd and has always defended herself well. But defeating a bear, I don’t know. Katie barks and I hear a roar. Yup, it’s definitely a bear. All of a sudden, I hear a rumbling engine and the gator pulls up beside me. 96

“Oh my god, here can you help me pick her up?” Mom says as she sees Maggie. 97

“She’s on top of me, your going to have to carry her.”98

“Okay…um.” She bends down and strains to lift the limp dog off my body. I squirm out from under her and help mom lye her down on the back of the gator. We still hear rustling and snarling from within the trees, but there is really nothing we can do. Katie never backs down from a fight, so all I can do is wait here while mom rushes Maggie to the animal hospital. I sit there on the dirt trail, just thinking. It was my fault. I sigh and take out my cell phone. I start to text Jason when suddenly something black races out of the woods. 99

“Katie!” I stuff the phone back in my pocket and start to chase after it when a huge brown bear takes off after her. Oh no. I don’t know what to do. I run after them anyway, figuring I could hide behind one of the thousands of trees if I needed to. Katie stops to turn around in a large field when the bear tackles her to the ground. He claws at her throat and I hold my breath. She gets out from its grip and slashes at its back. Wounds open and blood pours out everywhere. The bear bites Katie’s tail hard and tries to rip it off. She yelps profusely and I start to cry. There is no way she can win this. Although, she bites his nose and the bear roars and let’s go of her tail. She runs then unexpectedly turns and leaps right onto its head. She gnaws and slashes and bites and tears and rips until everything is quiet and still. My body is paralyzed in fear as I continue to look on. Katie is gone. I begin to panic, but there is nothing to be afraid of since the bear is lying dead, severed into large bits drowning in its own pool of blood. Then I see her limping over to me, wagging her tail with a million bloody wounds on her frail body. She is light enough that I can carry her and I take her home. Dad is waiting there and he opens the car door to let me slip Katie onto the backseat. Doris is sobbing and she climbs in with us. Dad speeds to the hospital and nurses come out with a stretcher when we get there. We meet Mom in the waiting room and everything is soundless. The walls are white, the doctor’s outfit is white, and my mind is white. This all happened so fast, I don’t know what to think. The nurse comes out with her hands joined in front of her and she looks at the floor.100

“Mr. and Mrs. Brunt, I’m very sorry but………..” I wouldn’t listen after those words. I knew what had happened. They were never coming back. That stupid run, that stupid morning, that stupid bear. All because of me. I looked down at my wrist and saw that I forgot to wear my band. I stared at the fat, ugly bloody scars and I knew there would be more by tomorrow morning.