A Door

Intertwined thoughts like knots tied in thread1

Impossible to get removed2

But a necessity to become smooth3

Rights and wrongs, and lefts and rights are melted together4

Anger and rage boil inside me,5

Steaming and whistling to be released6

Life becomes a routine, 7

I feel like a empty robot. 8

My soul is confused, wanting to swarm inside me9

And fill me with purposes and faith,10

But is stuck behind a force field,11

And is clawing to get in. 12

Burning tears drip down my eyes,13

Knowing I am imprisoned. 14

People care, and they love,15

But they just will never understand, 16

Because I myself cannot comprehend 17

I envy those who smile proud, and with satisfaction18

For I am caged within myself, with no key to set me free.19

And even if I had a key, 20

There is not even a door.

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Comments


  • ice wolf Greeters member
    March 5, 2008
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    Wonderful poem. I can't wait to read more. Keep penning.
    Ice Wolf

  • anxiously D
    February 26, 2008

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    Simply amazing. When I saw the second and third line in the preview they drew me in to read the rest. Although poetry is not always my cup of tea, I'm glad I did not overlook this.

    The one thing that sort of feels off is the last two lines. They have the potential to be very poignant and powerful but the way in which they're worded doesn't quite get it there. The first reason is that line #19 says key so I don't like the word being used again so soon in line #20, you know?

    Please keep in mind in this review that I'm not saying oh you gotta change this or that, I just want to give you my honest thoughts on it so I hope that is okay. What would sound better to me would be either 'And even if I had one, There is no door.' or 'And even if I had a key, There is no door.'

    Oh, in typing that I noticed you wrote if I had key instead of if I had A key, right?

    I think it's the two evens that are actually what don't sound right. Um, sorry if this was just crazy. :0)

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, characters: 4.


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    February 26, 2008

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    I can totally relate to this. Sometimes I feel the same way. It feels like being trapped with no way out. This is a really great poem
    ~Joann