jump rope
clicking across the blacktop
like a world of cicadas1
Author notes
Um...I'm working on Erica's contest entry and I keep getting distracted. This is what comes of it.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poetry and short stories by UnEdibleChick.
315 points, ended April 8, 2008, 29 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
sooooooooo. [:
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Well, I think you needto revise and add on to this. Please do something to this before I forget it.
Thanks for entering.
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any suggestions on how to revise it? i mean, there's not much there to rewrite, so...
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You should add on to it, you know, make it more interesting. You also didn't capitilize the first words of the sentence or run-on sentence or whatever. I didn't notice any puncuation in it either. I think I read one of your poems before and I thought that ir was really good. Don't get me wrong, I love your writing. This just could use some editing
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Which was all done purposefully, of course...
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Really? Well, why? If I may ask.
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this poem has a sort of free-willingness to it...reminds me of a bunch of girls in braids at recess jumping rope. this poem has a loose structure that i like. and although i'm absolutely giddy with joy that you pointed it out, i actually did realize i didn't use capitalization or puncuation. by "revise and add on" you mean completely rewrite the entire 11-word poem, then no, i will not.
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aw. that is sweet and amazing. i love it. and i love how you keep working on my entry and keep getting distracted. i love what goes in your mind.
erica♥xoxo
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haha
thanks. i wish i wasn't so easily distracted. i looked out my window and there were some girls jump roping, singing their silly jump roping songs, under their front porch light. i just had to write something about it.
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Its sweet and simple its wonderful
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thanks for the read & comment! YOU are wonderful
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