The blade pierced her skin, and blood bloomed from the cut. She smiled, and cut again, again. She could not feel the pain, there had been worse, and it eased the pain she felt within her own mind. Red blood was running down her wrist in Rivers, but she cared little. This was what she had wanted, she wanted to feel the cold liquid pour from her. She loved her blood, she loved the pain.1
Ariana looked to the stars hours later, contemplating her life. She had a man in her life who could care less about her, she had a family that would rather her dead. Was there anything more to life than pain, punishment? She could feel the blood scabbing around her inflicted wounds.2
There was more to her life though, she knew their had to be. What was a life filled with Drugs, Alcohol or Cutting? Was that all her life had become? She knew the answer, and yet, she wanted to change it, She wanted desprately to change it. She needed help, she needed to climb out of the hole she had dug.3
Jared walked into the door, Alcohol on his breath. His drunken manner didn't bother him, he wouldn't remember until morning, when he would be up, puking his guts out. He'd had many Hangovers, and one more wouldn't make a difference. If he really felt horrible, he could take out his pain on Ariana, he could care less if she felt pain. She was on the verge of suicide anyway, what would a few more bruises do to her?4
Ariana took his coat, and put it on the rack. He sat, and she took of his mud-coated boots. She gave him his cigarettes, and fed him the food he craved. Ariana was the perfect wife.5
"The food," Jared said evenly, "Is cold, you remember what I like, Ariana? Do I need to remind you?" He raised his hand, and Ariana waited for the blow. It came, and blood rushed from her lip. She could taste the blood, and it was the final time he would hit her. She stood, and said "Get your own Damn food. I'm tired of working for nothing in return!" She spit her blood in his face, and she walked to her room and locked her door. Her heart was racing, something bad was going to happen, she could feel it.6
"Ariana!" Jared screamed, fury in his voice. He grabbed a revolver and banged the butt on the door. "Let me in, You can't run. Let me in, you incompetant BITCH!!!" He banged on the door again. His drunken stupor had interrupted his thoughts. "Damn it Ariana!" He shot holes in the door. He was finally able to kick it open.7
Ariana looked to her nightmare without fear. She knew she had pushed him, she knew that she would be in a world of pain. She could smile only once, before the barrel was to her head. She could hear only one shot, before her conciousness faded. She had finally climbed from Hell.
Author notes
I tried to bring as much emotion to this topic as possible. It was, of course inspired by not only my experience, but by those who have gone through the equivelent. Comment on my writing, and word usage, Please, my confidence is rather low about this story, so, really anything would be nice lol.
-Alek
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this is really good. the first paragraph had me hooked right away, so much imagery in that; i could picture it. and i definatly felt the emotion you put into this. wonderfully done!
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A very nicely written story. Ireally can't belive that you're only 14:teen writing this spectaculus story...
Hugs and kisses from VIOLET!!
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this was good. you should have a lot of confidence with this story! haha, i cant believe some peoples lives are like this out there, its so sad. thanks for posting.
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I liked it alot it was very descriptive and emotional. There was one issued that bother me which is "Red blood was running down her wrist in Rivers, but she cared little. This was what she had wanted, she wanted to feel the cold liquid pour from her. "
I just wanted to point out that most blood is warm not cold enless the body temp is about freezing. Other that that I liked and it was good there where a couple grammer issues. -
Well, to be honest this type of story is not my cup of tea but it's alright. It's not too bad. Someone who's into this genre could probably give you a better comment on it so I'll just handle the constructive criticism portion, if that's alright with you. :0)
You capitalized some words that don't need it for some strange reason. I noticed Rivers, Drugs, Alcohol, Cutting, and Hangovers.
In the sixth paragraph you've got two different people speaking. A new speaker's dialogue should always start on its own line. It makes things easier to follow.
And I think the last thing is that you spelled incompetant instead of incompetent.
I think ending on that last sentence that you did made it pretty powerful. One thing I would've liked to see was more description of actions at the part where Jared grabs the gun.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Thanks for the feed, it means alot!
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Oh i absolutely love this and if i wasn't at school i would probally be crying! add me to your friends list so i can see when ever you put a new piece up! xoxo Love PRincess Peaches
P.S.
Keep on writting and stay strong! <3
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